Eliot quotes from Leverage

Eliot

She gotcha, man, you got a little blood right there.

Yeah, she got a right hook like a freight train.

Eliot

She put her hips into it?

I'm pretty sure she did.

Eliot

That's my girl!

Stop. Don't teach people how to do that!

Isn't anyone mad at Sophie? Hardison, she punched you in the face.

Takes a real man to take one for the team.

Eliot

Hey, whatever you need to keep telling yourself.

[after stealing an ID] And what? Say something now.

Eliot

[sarcastically] Yeah, one good lift in three years. Awesome!

Sophie

I mean, that's not greed we're looking at it. It's grief.

Eliot

I thought we were supposed to hate the guys that we take down.?

Not a requirement, a perk... usually.

Eliot

It's got to be pretty cool living next to a carnival, though, huh?

Molly

(scoffs) It's got to be pretty cool being the security guy.

Eliot

Wh-- M-my j--

Molly

Clearly you've never been to one. Every game is rigged.

Eliot

It's rigged.

Molly

It's a waste of time unless you cheat.

Eliot

Well, if you cheat, there's no satisfaction in winning.

Molly

Cheating's the only way to get anything in life.

Eliot

Uh-huh. Aren't you a little bag of sunshine?

Eliot

You know, I know a way to beat these, uh, these games you think are rigged.

Molly

Yeah?

Eliot

Yeah.

Molly

What?

Eliot

What do you think it is? Hard work.

Molly

(laughs) What, was Rudy on cable last night?

Eliot

...Yeah.

Eliot

All right. Now, the mistake that most people make is throwing at the balloon, all right? The way these darts are weighted, they don't generate enough energy and momentum to go through the balloon. (throws dart at balloon and it falls to the floor) Boom.

Molly

Rigged?

Eliot

No, not rigged, okay? House advantage. But you throw in an arc... (throws dart in an arc, and it pops a balloon) Gravity, that creates enough momentum. You try.

Molly

You forgot to mention the need for talent.

Eliot

You go-- No, hard work beats talent every time. You're not putting an arc on it.

Molly

Do you subscribe to some motivational website or something?

Eliot

(hands her a dart) Try again.

Parker

I'm not working with her.

Parker, it's not gender-specific. Plus, it can open a safe 6.5 times faster than you.

Parker

Ha! (moves to safe and turns the dial) There's no way I'm working with her.

I don't... Woman, please just connect it to the safe's wall.

Parker

This is a Glen Reeder model 88-11, last made in 2009. Did she know that?

Yes, Parker, because I programmed it.

Parker

I knew you were trying to replace me.

Woman, please just connect it to the safe's wall. Ain't nobody replacing you.

Eliot

Come on, Parker.

Parker, Connell's gonna catch you.

Parker

(continuing to try and open the safe) Shh!

Parker, please!

Parker

Are you talking to me or the new Parker?

Maybe I should talk to new Parker. Give her the comm. Give her the comm, Parker. At least she listens. Give her the comm. Girl, if you don't attach that thing to the safe wall --

Eliot

Just do it, Parker!

Parker

Fine. (takes electrodes from Parker 2000 and attaches them to the safe) There's no way she can crack this safe faster than me. (the safe opens) Whoa.

Eliot, we're gonna need to know if anyone has left the carnival.

Eliot

Forty seconds from the main entrance. Nate, if I'm engaged...

Do your worse.

[Instructing Eliot with chemicals] Now mix and run like hell.

Eliot

[sets off a minor explosion with thick smoke] Dammit, Hardison! A little warning next time!

Well, what you think "run like hell" meant?

Hey, man, you really should have let us get you to a hospital.

Eliot

I hired a nurse.

Parker

Ah, that-a-boy. A little (punches Eliot’s arm) chicken noodle soup, a little (punches him again) grandmotherly love.

Eliot

(flinches back in pain) Stop.

Eliot

Hey. How are you? (to Hardison) This is nurse Gail.

I don't think she's registered.

These dust mites are just gonna eat me alive.

Eliot

(throws blueprints to Nate) That's the blueprints from town hall, and the last time I go into a basement with this guy.

Parker

Ew! Just stepped in something squishy. How come I had to go to the embalming room, anyway?

Eliot

It's 'cause Hardison's too scared to get in the body bag.

Hey, claustrophobia is a very serious condition. I got a note from my doctor. You want to see it?

Eliot

I'm fashionably late to an ex-con's funeral. I'm gonna check the room for a safe.

Eliot

It's not ex-cons, it's cops. It's a lots of cops. Hardison.

I-I-I guess they must have switched the schedule.

Eliot

You guess? I got caught up at the, uh, drug sting down in Dorchester, and I wasn't able to get home and change clothes.

Eliot

Hey. Thanks, man. Hardison, when I see you, I'm gonna hit you so hard, your ancestors hurt. (drinks from flask)

Eliot

Where's--are we waiting on Parker?

Oh, man, she's at that damned chocolate festival. It's like sending a crack addict to a cocaine convention. Girl texted me about an hour ago, misspelled every damned word. Look, "yu gedde yesh dis stuf." Probably got chocolate all over the buttons.