Parker quotes from Leverage

Eliot

Yeah. One show only. No encores.

Parker

I already forgot your names.

You know I never had that cool a time on a job.

It’s a walkaway.

And I got focus issues brother, you kept me right on.

Parker

I’m really good at one thing—

Parker.

Parker

…only one thing that’s it, but you, you know other things and-and I can’t stop doing my one thing, can’t retire…

Eliot

You want to know what I think?

Not really.

Eliot

How long until you fall apart again?

Oh, I’m touched.

Eliot

Well, a guy like you can’t be out of the game, that’s why you were a wreck, you need the chase.

Yeah, I’ll manage.

Parker

I put all that money in a Swiss bank account.

Eliot

Millions of dollars and you didn’t buy anything?

Parker

I don’t like stuff, I like money.

Parker

What is this?

This is our new cover story. Welcome to Leverage Consulting and Associates, founded in 1913 by the great Harland Leverage the Third.

Sophie

I’m sorry. Nate is going to kill you.

Eliot

Did you paint that?

I’m gifted.

Eliot

That’s weird.

Long version or the short version?

Sophie

Short.

Eliot

Short version

Parker

Shortest.

Photo and video forensics programs, back doors into every electronic banking system in the world, running heuristic datacrawlers all over the news sites to find our clients. Oh, also—

Parker

This is the short version?

Eliot

5.56 NATO rounds mixed in with some 9-mils from the sub-machine guns. Insurgents would have used AK-47s with 7.62 ammo. It has more of a... (hits the back of his hand to his palm) crack. Contractors shot 'em up all right.

Parker

You ID’d the weapon from the gunshot sound?

Eliot

It has a very distinctive sound.

Sophie

So, we steal the evidence and threaten to expose them.

Parker

Blackmail.

Ah, yes, but just enough blackmail to, uh, pay for Perry’s rehab, maybe a couple of million more in damages.

Ah, but that’s why Corporal Perry is lucky. He doesn’t have lawyers. He has thieves.

I gotta go back to the office, I just remembered something.

Parker

What?

I just remembered gravity. And the squishiness of all my manly bits.

Parker

I designed this rig myself. The line is carbon fiber. Five point harness. Weight support here, here, and here. Auto-breaking resistance on the main pulley back here.

Okay, cool, so it’s tested?

Parker

Not yet.

Not yet? When the hell was you gonna test it?

Parker

Big baby.

Seriously? Seriously?

What I did before, nobody got hurt.

Sophie

I stole paintings.

Parker

I never hurt anybody, either.

Eliot

I actually hurt people, so…

I mean, break a law, everybody’s done that, my mama’s done that, but steal a law. Oh, she’s gonna be a legend, baby!

Parker

The eagle has landed.

It’s in!

Uhn! Go ahead, girl! Sexyness! Unh. Rrrnnn.

Might want to ease up on that a little bit.

Just saying.

Yeah.

Between me and you. Between me and you.

Never leaves the room.

Eliot

There it is. It’s 541.

Hold up Rambo. So, no lasers, no motion detectors, no vibration sensors, no--whoops.

Whoops? What whoops?

There’s a webcam, I’m picking up its broadcast on my phone.

Parker

Oh, I see it. Up on that pole.

I just have to spoof the IP address and overlay a digital duplicate over the WiFi…

Or that.

Eliot

Let’s go, come on.

I’m sorry it was too far away for you to punch, I’m sure that really frustrates you.

Parker

They changed the lock.

Just do what you do. I mean, whatever, what you need, ah, uh…

Nah. Uh-uh. Stop all that playing. Hell no.

Dr. Laroque

Is this stolen?

Sophie

Not anymore.

Dr. Laroque

What are we supposed to do with it?

Sophie

Pay for Corporal Perry’s rehab.

And some other guys’ rehabs.

Parker

Pretty much whatever you want.

Doc, a cute blonde shows up with a couple million dollars, I say we take the win. Thank you.

Eliot

Corporal, Thank you. Thank you.

Dr. Laroque

The world doesn't work this way.

So change the world.

Anybody who wants to walk away can do it right now.

Eliot

One more.

Maybe two.

Parker

I bought a plant.

Nice. Team spirit.

Parker

What does it do?

Eliot

I can’t believe you gave all your money away. You didn’t buy yourself anything.

Oh, I bought a car.

Probably a station wagon.

An electric car.

Eliot

Of course.

Sophie

How sweet. Do you have to wind it up?

Uh, just trying to be responsible.

Responsible? You know it sucks being the good guys, right?

You haven’t figured it out yet, have you? Just cause you’re the good guys now, doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun along the way!

Parker

Woo hoo.

Sophie

Oh boy, midlife crisis.

Eliot

Absolutely.

Definitely midlife.

Parker

Totally midlife crisis.