A character in Leverage
Played by Beth Riesgraf
Leverage · 1,001 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Leverage: in 331 of its 1,001 quotes
Most scenes with: Hardison (172), Nate (134), Eliot (125)
You actually expect this to work?
Um...
No, you're supposed to say "Wow, that's just crazy enough to work!"
Incredibly, chance does seem to bend itself to his bizarre machinations.
Parker[whispering to Maggie] That's his superpower.
Nate?
Hmm?
You can't just make somebody do what you want them to do.
Whoa.
[Everybody chuckles]
That's what we do. I mean…
Parker[pets Maggie's head] You're adorable.
You need something?
I was just trying to make myself useful.
Yeah, well, last time you tried that, we had to blow up the office.
That's not fair.
I was just getting used to it.
What? Having an office?
Being part of a team.
Look, I didn't mean, you know, it wasn't supposed to go down like that.
ParkerWhat's going on?
Sophie here was just trying to apologize.
No, I wasn't.
ParkerShe tried that with me earlier. She kind of sucks at it.
A little bit.
Oh, did she give you the speech about how we're thieves and about how this is what thieves do and if we were in her shoes, we'd have done the same thing?
No, I think she was just getting to that part. [Pauses] You apologized to him first, huh? Why am I last?
I wasn't apologizing. I...
That's the problem.
I just wanted to see if w-we… we were all okay with each other.
Okay. There it is.
ParkerI forgive you.
Apology accepted.
Yeah.
No, I wasn't— unh-unh, you, I didn't...
Yeah, you know, I'm sure the reviews will be... (Sophie hands Hardison her phone) …on the news website already.
Parker(grabs the phone) Really? Wow. "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis."
No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.
ParkerI know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.
No, no.
Yes! We could do it together.
I like this. Get right back up on the bike.
ParkerBike of crime.
Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?
ParkerI stole the Hope Diamond.
What?
ParkerAnd then I put it back. Yeah. Because I was bored. Didn't care.
I spent three days hacking White House e-mail. No buzz.
See?
But we are doing some hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.
Look, I'm miserable, they're miserable. [to Eliot] Okay, what-what have you been doing the last six months?
…I was in Pakistan.
You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, [Eliot points] hacker, grifter, [Sophie raises her hand] thief, [Parker raises her hand] you took us and you broke us.
No, no, I…what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's, that's all.
ParkerExactly.
Yeah
This is the problem, though, with being the good guy. You…you…it gets under your skin.
Look, Nate. You have to some poor little lost soul somewhere that needs a little extra-legal aid.
Look, we all…we agreed that we would just move on.
Yeah, but…we're…we're thieves.
I did look for you. For six months.
ParkerDone. The key. Done.
(Hardison opens the kit and pulls out the finished master key, using it on the box Parker is picking)
ParkerI think people are like locks. Really complicated and frustrating. But you can't force them. You have to take time and be fiddly.
Fiddly?
ParkerYou learn to be patient, and just wait until you hear the... (the lock opens and the door swings wide)
ParkerWe could open every box in here with that key.
Focus.
ParkerWe could steal everything. Clean them out.
Focus.
ParkerI'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
That's why the businesses are clean; they're dirty from the inside.
Well, yeah, I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?
ParkerYou know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier.
I mean, it's perfect. You know, I don't even think it's illegal. I mean, if we were gonna do this, this job—
Just this one job.
Yes, just this one.
Yeah.
I mean, the con that you'd want to do...
Hypothetically.
...hypothetically, you know, is, the turnabout, of course.
Oh, that is a good one.
You know, it takes… five people to do the turnabout.
That's true.
ParkerHmm.
There's just the four of us.
ParkerNeed one more person.
We've got to scare the banker into turning against the mob. All right. All right, we'll do this job. Just this one.
Oh, well.
If you really want.
If you insist.
ParkerGreat.
We're on board.
This detonator. If I'm around the corner, is this going to be in range?
Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the thing just goes off.
Whoa, whoa, wait! Hey! I thought you said this thing was safe!
Mostly, mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.
What frequencies, man, huh? I got these things in my pants.
Like a, you know, a garage door opener, car alarm.
[Nearby a car alarm goes off, causing Eliot to flinch]
ParkerWhat are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?
Dammit, Hardison!
[After the con takes a bad turn]
ParkerOh! They're probably gonna shoot Nate in the face!
Parker, I can hear you.
ParkerSorry. Forgot about the... (Points to earbud)
Still your last job?
Well, maybe…
Yeah?
I mean, you know, until I find a job I like enough, you know, to stay out of the bars.
Idle hands are the devil's workshop.
And then I'm out. I'm done.
ParkerSure.
Yeah. 'Cause you're not a thief.
I'm starving.
ParkerOoh! Found these in the mini-bar.
Pork rinds? How do you peel a pig?
I'm thinking!
ParkerNate, hate to rush you, but Eddie goes to the prison in an hour, so…
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Leverage pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
