[the captain comes out of the bathroom stall; his detectives await him]
I'm not tipping all of you.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[the captain finds the squad room in a dreadful mess]
Damn it! This place is a pigsty!
You're the one who said no janitors.
[sarcastically] Oh, thanks, Olivia. It's my fault.
[Fin and Munch are undercover in Bolger's office]
BBolger
[pointing at Munch] Who's that?
That's my Jew.
Shalom.
[outside]
Your Jew? Your Jew? What if I called you "my boy"?
I'll be your boy, John.
AAlex
I'm willing to speak to you. However, you have no legal authority to compel me to answer any questions.
OOfficer
We are well aware of that, Miss Cabot. We're only trying to get to the truth.
AAlex
Aren't we all.
AAlex
If you are looking for someone to denigrate Captain Cragen or the unit, find someone else.
A girl O.D.'d and died alone. Her father, a decorated cop, 30-year career, over, no pension, his family in shambles. But you know what really, really scares me? That all you people are concerned about is some lying, murdering sack of crap.
IIAB Officer
In this country, that lying, murdering sack of crap has rights, too, Captain.
Tito... Jill Foster... They're both dead. What about their rights?
Do people have sex in bed anymore?
The earth moved.
And he saw stars.
I am not staying in here with all these cancer-causing particles flying around.
Stop worrying. As an African-American you're statistically far more likely to die of diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease.
Or a bullet.
[to a serial rapist and murderer known as the Bowery Stalker] Shoplifting. Kind of an undignified end to such an ambitious operation.
[to the Bowery stalker] You had us stumped for over a year, Daryl. Your operations manual reads like a textbook in tactics and resource management. I've offered it to the curriculum committee at the Academy. I think the next generation of cops could learn a lot from you.
Even Aunt Mary thinks he's a hero.
Yeah, well Aunt Mary is a few tea bags shy of a full pot.
AAva
In my country, the police help no one.
AAlex
[about a suspect with diplomatic immunity] He could run me down, leave skidmarks, and we still couldn't give him a speeding ticket.
[Dr. Warner conducts the autopsy on the victim with Benson and Stabler in the room.]
External examination found no traces of semen. Further testing...[pulling out an organ and placing it in a scale dish] showed spermicides usually found in condoms.
[Benson and Stabler look on in disgust]
This is fun.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Law & Order: Special Victims Unit pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.