Carisi quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

So, no motive, no evidence? I need something to get a subpoena.

Benson

Carisi, tell the judge that it's your cop instincts.

Except I'm an ADA now.

[about Dustin] This guy's rap sheet looks like the ABCs of crime. Assault, battery, citations...

Benson

We can add D for drug possession.

And initially he waived Miranda? Is he that dense?

Fin

He said the only Miranda he needs is one that'll get on her knees.

Benson

So to answer your question, Carisi, that's a yes.

Another drug possession charge? This is getting a little old hat.

Oh, is it? Because it's just getting started. We're adding rape and assault to the list.

We're back here again? I was cleared!

Benson

[showing him a picture of Demmy with a black eye] We're not talking about Kayla, Dustin.

Demmy's accusing me? She's a liar! You can't believe a word that bitch says!

Hey, that's your sister! Show some respect!

Benson

He doesn't know the meaning of the word, counselor.

Can we clarify for a minute? Are you saying my client raped and assaulted his own sister?

Benson

Would you like to answer that question, Dustin? And, before you do, know that we have your DNA on the rape kit.

Maybe she planted that, like the wallet.

Benson

Did she beat herself up, too?

What's going on here?

Benson

What's going on? Your client has been raping his sister since she was 12 years old!

First of all, it's not rape! She and I... we raised each other on our own. We needed each other.

Dustin, stop talking now...

She wanted it! She started it!

Benson

She wanted it? I can't listen to this. [to Gianpaolo] Walk your client through his options. There aren't many.

"Have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?" Book of Galatians.

What, are you Bible-splaining to me now?

These "he said/she said" celebrity cases are difficult to prosecute. He's gonna hire the best attorney that money can buy.

So we don't even try? She's a victim.

Benson

Rollins. No one said she wasn't victimized.

All I'm saying is, he's claiming to be a victim, too. This is gonna come down to a popularity contest just to get a jury to convict.

Everybody’s got monsters in their closet. The question is What do you want to do about it?

I want to evict the little bastard.

That coward Pinsky is lying.

When I put him on the stand, the jury will have to decide.

Hold up. Let's slow this down.

[to Braun] What am I paying you for?

[to Greco] To tell you when to shut up and accept you've lost.

Where's all that common sense you were bragging about having, huh?

Carisi and I were talking, and we realized that marriage is a lot like a crime. You have motive and opportunity.

We figured that all we needed were witnesses.

We don't want to do this without all of you here.

You weren't in the room. The air had a certain funk.

A funk???

Yeah, it malingered.

Fin

Now that you mention it, the air did have a certain mildew-y smell.

Like when someone's lying to you.

Benson

Guys, he's a used car salesman. If he's breathing, he's lying.

We contacted your fellow COs. They gave us some statements that, uh, before you were promoted to captain, say you used to bend the rules.

Fin

Smuggling drugs, allowing rapes.

Whoa, whoa. I told you, I never raped anybody.

Nah, you're just a pimp with a badge.

Benson

Can we trust this CO?

The guy is a grade-A scumbag with more self-interest than most.

Let me get this straight. Cooper Davis, the 23-year-old nephew of the victim's deceased husband, is a DNA match for her rape kit?

Benson

The short answer is yes.

The long answer?

Fin

Not much longer.

Just make sure that Martin doesn't get on a private jet, fly to Moscow, and move in with Edward Snowden.

Fin

Was Carisi this cranky when he was a detective?

Benson

Yes.

Going after the boss' husband. I give you credit for chutzpah. There a promotion in this for you?

We've met a few times, Mr. Blumfeld, and I'll admit that I don't know you very well, but you apparently don't know me at all.

Who drops out of Harvard?

Don't ask me; I set a bus on fire.