Carisi quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Your clients are immoral, they're unethical, and they're upper middle class. Juries already hate authority figures abusing their power, especially rich Caucasian ones.

I think I feel warm. Hey Rollins, feel my forehead.

I am not feeling your forehead.

C'mon.

Oh wait, you got a little something here. And there.

Seriously!?

Another one here. (gasps)

Okay, that's not funny!

[hits the malfunctioning printer in frustration] Come on!

Fin

You got to hit that thing harder, man.

You know what's overrated? Wireless....and putting lemon in water. I don't get that. [reads printed document] So Justin says that his mother was spending time with some guy who works in the Office of Admissions of Hudson University. I got 27 males in that department, 19 women.

Fin

Takes all those people to look at applications and say "yes" or "no"?

Nice suit, homey. What is that? Zegna? Armani?

Caprizio. Lives two blocks from where I grew up on Staten Island.

Fin

Hype's an up-and-coming rapper, hardcore at that.

So he's lying to protect his image.

Fin

Or his career. This style of rap, it's all about reputation, it's all about street cred. For him to tell his fans he's in love with a transgender woman... they'd laugh at him. His whole brand would go up in smoke.

Benson

It's 2016, for God's sake.

Fin

Not for people selling gangsta rap.

Or for some of my relatives.

Or mine, too.

Benson

I'll call Barba and see what kind of deal he's willing to make.

Make sure you tell him this guy claims he was born with the "rape gene". The excuses these guys come up with never ceases to amaze me.

Really? Sexual predators praying about not trespassing against others?

It's like a Saturday Night Live skit, but it's real.

There's a lot of that going around these days.

Fin

[while arresting Byron in Cuba] Buenas dias, pendejo.

Fin

Guess what I caught. A couple of snapper, a sailfish, and one fat-assed flounder.

A bottom-feeder, huh?

Raped three women that we know about, and then he bolted before we could arrest him.

Most people just call me Byron.

Fin

[to Byron] Didn't I tell you to shut your face? [to Rollins and Carisi] The whole way home, he's yapping about old times.

Tell me that doesn't piss you off. We finally catch this prick, and they tell us that we wasted our time?

Marks was one of my first cases at SVU, and he still... he still ranks on my top ten despicable list.

Makes him a lot scummier than I thought.

Yeah, and he was one of the first stops in this investigation, and I... I knock on his door, and... and he invites me in, and he makes me feel, like, completely at home.

Yeah, with the fake charm and the...

No, but see, that's it. It's not fake. It's real. I mean, he really is that charming. You know, he was so charming, I could have invited him back to meet mom and dad after a high school dance. Yeah, I could have been one of those women. I got a badge and gun. And still, that bastard changed the way I look at the world.

An oh-fer. We'd have better luck starting the Byron Marks fan club.

Benson

Well, look, it's upsetting, but it's not surprising.

Yeah, I tried to explain that to him.

Look, I know. I'm sorry. It's just I'm Italian. Revenge is one of our three major food groups.

What's up?

It's my dog walker. Franny just peed on my new shag carpet.

Fin

That dog pees more than my diabetic granddaddy.

You got a granddaddy that's still alive?

Fin

Grandpa Iggy Tutuola. 95, healthy as a horse.

Except for the diabetes.

Fin

Where I'm from, diabetes is like a head cold.

[about Savannah] She's behind on all her bills. Most of these credit card statements are final notices.

Fin

That's what your twenties are for. Racking up credit debt.

Not me, I never paid a bill late in my life. Not even then.

Fin

What? You couldn't handle all the Hail Marys?

God nothing to do with it. I wanted to finance a Mustang.

Look at me. What do you see? A little bit of Brad Pitt's younger brother, right? Around the eyes?

Yeah, if I had one too many and the lights were out.

I love her. How is that wrong?

Fin

She's 16, dude.

She has an old soul.

Fin

Tell that to the judge.

Yeah, tell it to her old man, too.

Chris could never understand.

Because most people don't understand child rape.

You don't have to be so crude.

What would you call it?

Fugue for two voices. A soprano and a tenor fitting together perfectly.

Fin

That line actually works?

Benson

Who's the-who's the woman with Tucker?

Fin

You asking us?

Yeah, we got you in the divorce.