Elliot Stabler quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Thornburg? One of the most respected jurists in the state?

Stabler

Which doesn't mean squat to me if he raped an 11-year-old girl.

Benson

Three fireplaces. Guy could have come in through the chimney.

Stabler

Maybe we should be looking for a guy in a red suit.

Fin

Cause of death was between two and four hours ago... pre-release.

Stabler

Is that significant?

Fin

No, that's just cold.

[about Gloria] She raped my son. God knows what she did to my daughter.

Our daughter!

You don't deserve to be a mother! You're disgusting!

Yeah, make up some more stories. Everyone knows it so you can get out of child support when I divorce you!

I'm gonna kill you if you touch my children again!

Stabler

[holds him back] Mr. FULLER! I don't wanna hear another threat like that. Now, am I clear?

Stabler

I never want to grow old.

Benson

In our line of work, be careful what you wish for.

How much do you make a year?

Stabler

It depends on overtime, but why don't we say $68,940.

Must be hard to make ends meet with a family of 6.

Stabler

I'm a cop.

And the NYPD has a history of being squeaky clean.

Stabler

I want my phone call.

We can hold you for up to 72 hours without giving you one. Fallout from 9/11. Who else did you talk to?

Stabler

I'm done talking. Charge me or let me go.

Have a seat.

Stabler

You know we had nothing to do with the hit. I'm not confessing, so why don't you just let me go? You think I don't use these tactics myself?

I can make you sit down, Detective Stabler. Up to you.

Dr. Warner

Jansen's genitals weren't exactly cut off. They were surgically excised ... Removed with a scalpel by someone who knows anatomy, and pre-mortem. [points to Stabler's neck] An amateur would have cut his throat straight across. Jansen's killer made precise cuts on the carotid artery here, and here, after... [starts to point to Stabler's groin]

Stabler

You don't need to demonstrate that part.

So, what's this conspiracy that you're charging me with?

Munch

Facilitating the rape of children in foreign countries.

There's no state law against that.

Stabler

Federal law. We turn our tape over to the U.S. Attorney, you're toast.

Federal statutes require proof of a sex act. That means they need a victim. Where they gonna find one?

Munch

No wonder this guy doesn't need a lawyer. He's got the law memorized with all his other NAMBLA buddies.

NAMBLA? I'm not one of those freaks.

Stabler

How many boys they pass around to you?

I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Stabler

You think I am some dumb cop?

I had nothin' to...

Munch

Elliot!

Stabler

Think you're smarter than me?!

I need a doctor!

Stabler

You're gonna need a morgue, pal! You are nothing but a lowlife pimp who sells children. You sent Bret Jansen on a sex tour. Him and a friend made a video doin' a 10-year-old boy.

Friend? I don't know about any friend.

Munch

Yeah, right, just like you didn't know your customers have been smuggling back little sex toys of their own.

Listen, Jansen and Lynch did that on their own. I had nothin' to do with it!

Stabler

You got nothin' to do with anything, do you? How 'bout sex tours? Do you know anything about them? Huh? Do you book sex tours?!

Yes! Yes!

Stabler

How many do you book?

Couple dozen. Over the years.

Stabler

Yeah? Just a couple dozen?

I swear, I'm not one of them! I was just in it for the money!

Stabler

Which the Feds are gonna take away from you while you're sittin' on death row for slicin' up Bret Jansen.

What?! I had nothin' to do with that!

Munch

That's funny, because somebody did to him exactly what he joked about doin' to you.

That rat bastard.

Munch

Gotta be more specific. There's a lot of 'em running around in this case.

Lynch! I told him about Jansen's joke that he was gonna cut my balls off. He's using it to set me up!

Stabler

Why would he wanna kill Jansen?

Because Lynch handpicked José for Jansen. Then Jansen called Lynch, said he wanted his money back when José and Ernesto escaped.

Munch

When's the last time you spoke to Lynch?

Before Jansen was killed. Lynch called, said he wanted to know why the video of his trip hadn't arrived yet. I told him it was on its way. [pants] Make me a deal. Make me a deal, and I will give you Lynch on a silver platter.

Stabler

You're under arrest for the murder of Jansen and for sexually abusing your son.

No! No. I didn't force Shawn. He seduced me. How could I deny him? I never beat him like Jansen beat his boys! It's not the same thing!

Stabler

No. It's worse. You had sex with your stepson, and you don't think there's anything wrong with that? What kinda sick bastard are you?

Stabler

Lover's quarrel?

Fin

It's gonna be a domestic disturbance if Munch don't get outta my face.

Stabler

She's been in a coma. I don't understand why you called us.

Because of the pneumonia, I ordered a chest x-ray, and the lab automatically ran its standard tests. Hers turned up positive.

Stabler

For what?

A baby. She's 6 weeks pregnant.

Stabler

[sees Dr. Warner enter the restaurant where he and Benson are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.

Dr. Warner

I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.

Benson

Am I gonna wanna stop eating for this?

Dr. Warner

Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn, and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.

Benson

All right, I'm done. [pushes her salad away]

Stabler

[about 2 other children] Can you tell me who they are?

That's Philip, and that's Antoine.

Stabler

Who's their mom?

Mom is.

Stabler

Okay. Who's their real mom?

My mom is, stupid! They're my brothers.

Benson

You used your own daughter.

No. Those men did. Randall and Eno.

Benson

They swear that they didn't!

But they're lying!

Stabler

Either you let them rape your daughter, or your husband took their semen out of you and did it himself.

That's disgusting.

Stabler

YOU'RE DISGUSTING!! YOU ARE! Your own child!

Listen to me, Detective. You ever speak to me that way again, and I'll make damn sure the police commissioner hears about it. We play golf together.

Stabler

Does he know about your handicap?

My handicap?

Stabler

The one that makes you slap your wife around? Well, good. I've got your attention. You raise to hand to her or your daughters again, I'll be payin' you a visit.

Is that a threat?

Stabler

Yeah.