Elliot Stabler quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Stabler

How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?

Benson

Uh, I'm not.

Stabler

Your stomach just dropped 2 floors, Olivia. The unconscious does not lie.

Benson

I'm not lying. (beat)Not much.

Benson

Is it that obvious?

Stabler

I'm your partner. For better or worse.

Stabler

You get to Tribeca a lot?

You don't have to answer that.

Stabler

What questions can your client answer?

Anything that's a matter of public record. I want to know what my client's being charged with.

Munch

[to Stabler] You don't have to answer that.

Munch

More specifically, he's mad at you.

Stabler

Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.

Benson

Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.

I am not a homosexual.

Munch

Okay.

Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.

Munch

Actually, she was a half-sister.

She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.

Munch

You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?

Anybody know where Cassidy is?

Let her go.

Stabler

Why?

Because her attorney said we have to.

All right. I'm asking.

Stabler

All right. We're gonna talk to some of the detectives who originally investigated.

Munch, that okay with you?

Munch

Sure, it'd be like visiting the Special Victims Unit alumni association. All the people that used to sit at these desks. Where are they now?

[about her rapist] He's a changed man. We prayed together.

Stabler

You prayed with your rapist.

Yeah. To turn him in after that would be a betrayal.

[looks at a line-up] #3.

Are you sure?

Yeah. It was dark, but it wasn't that dark. I'd remember him 'til the day I die. That face, those glasses…

Stabler

It's not an audition, Ms. Katish, just, are you sure?

All right. How's this? And the winner is, #3!

How could you give the defense that kind of ammunition in writing? I asked you...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I put a little sticky on your desk by his DD5, that's all.

Stabler

Well, what was on this bombshell sticky?

"Retarded," and a question mark.

Benson

I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.

Stabler

Yeah, like you carry a purse.

Benson

That's 'cause you carry it for me.

So we didn't call you. So no one wants to call you. Ever. You know, you guys are up to your necks in perversity 24/7, and my men don't understand why it is you picked your squad.

Stabler

It's people like you that makes our squad necessary.

Yeah. Well, my people don't want whatever it is you got. You're tainted. 10 bucks says the only other cops you hang out with are Brooklyn SVU.

Stabler

You lose. Bronx SVU.

Benson

Frick and Frack.

Stabler

Alfonse and Gaston.

Munch

Slappy and Happy.

Jeffries

You know how it is. You spend time with someone, eventually they will corrupt you.

Munch

Sure. It's a major historical force that drags great people to the lowest common denominator.

Benson

With you around, we're all doomed.

Stabler

Do we look like imbeciles to you?

They're just pictures.

Stabler

THEY'RE NOT JUST PICTURES!! They're underaged girls, they're scared, drugged and being photographed without their permission. You little snot-nosed son of a bitch, you’re gonna tell me what I wanna know, you got that?

Kathy

[about Internet predators] Why can't you arrest them? You know they're out there.

Stabler

[gesturing to the computer across the room] Honey, they're in here.

Okay. How about this? He entered into an improper relationship with a minor.

Stabler

You just said no real sex. According to her story.

He doesn't know that. He doesn't know what she told us.

Stabler

Oh. Now, Captain. You're not suggesting we lie to the poor man, are ya?

Absolutely not. Role-playing. Fantasy. Make-believe. That crap he's been peddling to us about victimless crimes.