Elliot Stabler quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Stabler

[to Benson] I get hit, you get hit on.

Stabler

I don't trust a guy who wears drawstring pants.

Stabler

When you get the itch you call your bitch!

Stabler

I hope you die a slow, painful death! Have a nice day.

Stabler

It's called the bystander effect. No one does anything because they think someone else will.

Stabler

Welcome to the perv parade that leads to nowhere.

Stabler

Okay, so it's not a robbery, but stabbings aren't necessarily sexual. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Is there a specific reason you called us out?

Whoever did this sliced off his "cigar" and took it with him. Is that specific enough?

Benson

Works for me.

Benson

Hey. How'd it go?

Stabler

He's in Bellevue.

Benson

Jury came back that fast?

Stabler

He waved his flag at them before they had a chance. Nobody saluted.

[to Stabler] Hey. You doing anything Saturday night?

Stabler

Oh, I'd hurt you.

Munch

Are we missing some key piece of information here?

Shut up, John!

Stabler

So you don't think she murdered him.

Benson

[lying] No. I don't think she murdered him. She said she was in her office until around one. That was after he was killed.

Stabler

And no one else was there.

Benson

And no one else was there.

Stabler

And no one else was there. That is an anti-alibi.

Benson

Look. We know there are 2 killers, so. How are we going to find the other one?

Stabler

You mean the other one who also didn't do it?

Stabler

8 stories up, 8 down.

Cassidy

Looks like she was shot out of a cannon.

Guy on steroids?

Munch

No, the Yankees are on a road trip.

Stabler

Yeah, they're down in Baltimore, kicking a little Oriole ass.

He was in Ms. Quinn's apartment briefly, at lunchtime, at her request, to attend to a crisis.

Benson

Or an erection.

That's insulting.

Stabler

Really. I thought it was the absence of one that was insulting.

How ya been, Elliott?

Stabler

Good, eerything's good. This is my partner, Olivia Benson.

Benson

[shaking Buddy's hand] Hey, how ya doin'?

You're better looking than Alphonse.

Benson

[laughing] Thanks.

What happened to Big Fatso? Coronary?

Stabler

Nah, retired and moved to Florida.

Ah, same diff.