Olivia Benson quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Benson

Hubby had a gun. Why did he turn his wife into chopped liver?

Stabler

You've never been married.

Benson

[about Anne] Sounds like she hasn't found herself, but why would the Prestwick Foundation want her on the board?

Daddy gave them 10,000,000.

Stabler

I got my daughter a job at Target. Didn't cost me a dime.

I'm sure your daughter's more qualified to sit on the Prestwick Foundation board.

Benson

Gotta tell ya, I never would have pegged a woman for it.

Stabler

You surprised by a killer woman? Try missing an anniversary.

Benson

Looks like Lily left her brains behind..

Stabler

Who the hell took her body?

Benson

[as Stabler photographs Hankett's birthmark] Looks like Florida to me.

Stabler

To me it looks like guilty.

Benson

Whoah, we don't need to see anything south of Key West!

Leave me alone.

Benson

Keep it in your pants, okay?

Stabler

Sit down. Sit down

Benson

Keep your pants on Mr. Hankett.

Stabler

Now you are not denying being a flasher, are you Mr. Hankett?

What just happened, that was an accident, okay? It just kind of fell out.

Benson

Just like it did in the electronics store?

Stabler

What, you have an epileptic seizure while you were trying to put it away?

Benson

[tries to stich together Dr. Warner's gunshot wound] I don't think I can do this.

Dr. Warner

Then get ready to watch me die.

Hold up. Liv, I'm gonna have to pull you.

Benson

Why?

You're gonna have to finish interviewing Mackenzie. Her mom is demanding a penis-free environment.

Benson

Am I to understand that Mackenzie had a nose job?

She broke it years ago in a skateboarding accident. Her foster parents didn't even take her to the hospital.

It caused a deviated septum. We got it fixed for her. Why is that a problem?

Benson

It was an unnecessary cosmetic surgery.

Excuse me. If giving a child a nose job is a crime, you'd have to arrest half the parents on the Upper West Side.

Benson

[about Vicki's 2000 rape kit] Why'd it take so long to test it?

'Cause we have thousands of kits sitting in the freezer. How bad's your backlog?

Benson

We don't have one. Every kit is tested after an assault, and the results are forwarded back to us and to the D.A.

[gets a phone call] That was the lab. The DNA from Vicki's rape kit is degraded.

Benson

Oh, I can't catch a break!

But the tech's willing to testify he's got enough matching alleles to ID.

Benson

I'm gonna collar this guy's ass, and then I'm gonna send it to you on a silver platter.

It's yours. California has a 10-year statute. The clock ran out on Vicki's rape three weeks ago.

Benson

You knew all along that you couldn't prosecute?

But I knew you could. Go get the prick.

Benson

They're not your kids, El.

Stabler

I know.

Benson

We can't save them all.

Stabler

I'd settle for just one.

Benson

As long as we keep criminalizing victims instead of going after their perps, it's never gonna happen. We should at least arrest their johns.

Stabler

So what? It's a slap on the wrist. I mean, Spitzer walked; he was a former prosecutor.

Benson

Guy gets caught with an under-aged hooker, the charge should be rape!

Stabler

Hard time isn't a deterrent.

Benson

Neither is the death penalty. It's just the price of doing business. It's time to treat these bastards like the scum they really are.

Benson

Are you proud of yourself? You trashed her.

My job's to win the case.

Benson

No, your job is to make sure that justice is done! Convicting Camille isn't justice.

That's for the jury to decide.

Benson

The jury is going to throw the book at her because you turned her into some crazy slut. Congratulations!

Stabler

[looking at a picture of Camille] Her with her dad before he was sent away to Bellevue?

Benson

We're all branded, I guess. By our parents, our childhoods.

Stabler

Think you turned out all right.

Benson

Makes one of us.

Stabler

[Discussing the victim, who was found in a load of commercial laundry] We know where the load came from?

Dr. Warner

Mercy Hospital.

Benson

This was no mercy killing.

Agent Lewis

I need you to run this rape kit as a Jane Doe.

Benson

Who's the victim?

Agent Lewis

Me.

Benson

Who you calling?

Stabler

Hardwicke. Seeing what we should do with Chuckles here.

Fin

I'm ahead of you. Hardwicke's in Albany meetin' with the AG. The temp ADA's on the way.

Stabler

Well, hopefully, it's somebody who knows how to sort through this mess.

How 'bout me, hon? Messes are my specialty. [enters the squad room] Hey, Stabler. Miss me?

Benson

[surprised] Sonya, what are you doin' here?

You mean, how did I escape the drunk tank?

Stabler

No, she means, why us?