[After learning that she might be having her appendix removed] I promised myself I'd remain intact until my wedding night, if you know what I mean...
Shirl, guys don't care if you lose your appendix!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
DDoctor
I need to get something before I can leave here.
You got it!
[Laverne plants a big kiss on his lips.]
DDoctor
Wow, that was nice. But what I really needed was...
[Interrupting] Now? In front of these people?
Shirl? Shirl are you awake?
[Hallucinated after the operation] Am I in heaven?
No no! You're in the hospital. It's all over, you made it.
Really?!! I'm okay?!! I can't believe it I...[Feels her head and starts freaking out] I'M NOT OKAY! I'M BALD!
By all rights, that should have been MY date.
[Explaining why the Braves' losing streak led to them being laid off] Let me explain it to you again. If the Braves don't play so good, then people don't go to games. If people don't go to games, then Shotz can't sell them beer. Do you got that?
Then why don't they just lay off the Braves?
I hate to go down to unemployment. It's embarrassing down there. Everybody down there knows you don't have a job.
We'll have fun down at unemployment. We'll meet guys.
Unemployed guys.
I happened to meet a doctor there once.
I want you to think about that for a minute, Laverne. Why would a doctor be unemployed, hmmm?
He was so good... he cured everybody.
There is nothing more despicable to me than this place.
Hello!
Lenny and me is working on the world's first combination electric toothbrush and radio. We call it the radio-brush. You'll be able to dance away your tooth decay!
People are going to finally start brushing their teeth once a week like they ought to!
This may come as a shock to you, but I brush my teeth after every meal.
That's poor oral hygiene, Shirl. You're gonna wear them right down to the nub.
Go ahead and laugh. Just like they laughed at Columbus right before he discovered Ohio.
Those boys have got the right idea. We should try making money at what we really love to do.
I think we'd get arrested for that, Shirl.
What's with all the tropical flora?
Didn't you used to go out with her?
No, that was Theresa DeFluca
Do you know what? Girls love plants.
What do you do, you wait for them to lie down, and then kind of rub it all over their bodies?
How about you, Len? You like girls, too, huh?
Sure. Hey, if I get a bigger plant then him, will I get bigger women?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Laverne & Shirley pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.