Kitchen Nightmares Season 1 quotes

(interview) It was good for him (Michel) to be humbled. Michel was of an opinion that "Hey, if I want to serve dog shit on a plate and the customer doesn't like it, too bad."

God, this guy (Michel) is fucking unbelieveable. You know, that's one thing being that bad, that's solvable, but being in complete denial throughout is extraordinary. I've never met such a fucking hard-arse stubborn motherfucker in all my life.

Day three. Gordon is determined to get through to this stubborn chef with help from a little shock therapy.

Okay, a new day, and I'm determined that this guy is going to finally start listening to what I'm trying to say. So this morning, I've shut the place down, I've bought it up and I'll make him understand that if doesn't start changing and listening to what I'm trying to say, that's the end result.

And that's the end result that no restaurant wants to see.

[taking off his jacket] Fucking hell.

With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Michel is insisting on reverting back to his old ways, and Gordon has reached his breaking point.

Thank you very much, I think it's great--

Cut the bullfuck. You don't care anymore, do you? Just get straight to the fucking answer.

No, I'm not cutting no bullfuck. I'm just telling it like it is.

Get straight to the fucking answer.

Okay? Alright?

Okay.

Alright, good. Your menu is not better than mine. You know?

You're a donkey!

My food has been voted Best Chef in Ventura County.

WHAT?!

Yeah, listen--

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on! Let me finish!! Let me finish!! You put your fucking hands up here, listen to me. You run a shit-hole of a kitchen! Fuck yourself!! Okay?!

No! No! No!

Fuck off! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TURN AROUND AND TELL ME, WHEN YOU WORK LIKE A PIG? YOU FRENCH PIG!!!

Yeah, you know what...

You lazy pig! You're so full of shit! Open your eyes and have a look around!

Big words, big mouth! Big mouth! You're not happy?

I'm FUCKING happy!

You can get out! You can get out!

Go on! [gives Michel the inverted V sign] Fuck yourself!

You can get out! It's my fucking kitchen!

Yeah, is it? Well, if it's your FUCKING KITCHEN, THEN CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY CUNT!

No!

[walking out of the building after arguing with Michel] I've got to get some air before I do something I really regret.

How have you been?

Eh, I had a little glitch there for a little bit.

What happened?

I had a heart attack.

What?!

(interview) My father's heart attack was a very traumatizing experience in a lot of different ways.

(interview) And it was bad. The doctor told him he could have died.

(interview) That was a very scary time, realizing how close we were to losing him. It was beyond scary.

I was down for a few weeks, actually. And I was shocked-- the three of them stepped up, took the bull by the horns, and when I came back everything was perfect.

(interview) I don't think last year we could've done it. If this would've happened before Ramsay came, I think Finn McCool's would've been doors locked, done.

Bloody good to see you.

Yeah?

Yeah. Honestly. [shakes Buddy's hand. Buddy has quite a grip] There it is-- I swear to God. Honestly, I feel like you crushed my fingers. It'll take three days for the blood to go back.

When was the last time this fridge was cleaned?

A week ago.

Oh, come on, this hasn't been cleaned in years.

No, it has.

No, it hasn't, I'm sorry. Twenty-one years in the business, I'll bet every fucking dollar that I have, this fucking place hasn't been cleaned in years.

Un-fucking-believeable. So that just proves and confirms how weak this guy is. He's not running this place, this place is running him, and is in need of a fucking serious clean. That is appalling.

Why are we serving potato skins? Do you want to come to an "authentic Italian restaurant" with potato skins?

Definitely not.

A lot of people come here with their kids, and their kids don't want--

Hey, I've lived in Italy. I've seen Italian families, the way they eat together. They don't serve fucking children in Italy potato skins with plastic cheese, I can assure you.

The décor matches the clientèle. Drab, fuddy-duddy, and seriously old-fashioned. I feel like I've come to see my granny in a retirement home.

The Trobiano's salad is excellent. It's chopped.

Why would you chop it?

People seem to love it.

Is that because of their teeth?

A restaurant run by three passionate owners? No chance. Brian, he works two days a week. David, well I don't trust him one little inch. And as for Greg, well he's pissed off at both of them. Basically in a nutshell, Sleepy, Dopey, and Grumpy. Who am I? Snow fucking White?

You tell me about the passion with the Maine lobsters. Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?

Same waters, North Atlantic waters.

You're telling me now...a Canadian lobster, half the price of a Maine lobster, is the same taste and flavour? There's a big difference. I can't get Maine lobsters.

That's right, so they get them from Canada.

I'm using Canadian lobsters.

That's right. That's what they do.

But I don't advertise them as "Maine."

You tell me, is it a different animal?

"Maine" is a "Canadian" lobster for you?

Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?

Holy shit...

I'm asking you a question.

What you're trying to dictate to me is that you're selling "Maine" lobster - they're not from Maine.

Well, it comes from the same vendor.

[at a loss] Holy shit! The award-winning Maine lobster roll... is Canadian!

[to David] You're so full of fucking shit that you'd make a great politician.

You amaze me.

What?

Because all week long, face-to-face, you fucking pretend to care.

Oh, fuck, Gordon. Come on.

You don't give two fucks about this place.

Really?

You're not passionate about running a restaurant.

Really?

You're just abusing it and using it.

How did I- what, what, what did I do?

I've never met an individual that's so full of shit in all my life.

How have I been lying to you, Gordy? How? Tell me.

Gordy?

Yeah, how? You want to disrespect me, I can disrespect you too. But tell me how I'm lying to you.

I'm not disrespecting you. I'm telling you the truth.

No, you're disrespecting me because you don't know the truth.

You're just massaging your fucking ego.

Gordon, bullshit.

What do you mean, bullshit?

Not true.

From the first minute you walked in this fucking door, standing there with your big long coat and your fucking sunglasses looking like proud cock, that was it. First impressions. Then you start debating lobsters because you think you're some smart-arse on the back of few fucking shit dive books. [flashback] Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?

[flashback] Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?

"Humanus americanus", my arse-us.

Hmm.

With 21 restaurants under my belt, I work my fucking arse off.

So what? So what?

And I never take anything for granted.

[sarcastically] Fascinating, Gordon.

You treat the staff like shit. You amaze me.

Never. Never did that.

Excuse me?

Never. [flashback] Cat, it's policy here for you not to have a drink here after your shift, but you often do. [normal] Never.

You can't even be honest with yourself, let alone me. Mate, you've been exposed.

Exposed?

You're a hypocrite.

Is that right?

Absolutely. For you, it's about a fucking TV show. This man [points to Greg], it's about a restaurant. Fuck the TV, David. And, I mean fuck it. This is real for me. And for you, it's an image.

I disagree with you on almost everything you said.

You do?

Yeah, I do.

Why do you disagree?

Because you're wrong. The great Gordon Ramsay is wrong.

You're a sad fuck. My advice would be for him [points to Greg] to get his partners, get your money out—yeah?—and disappear.

Yeah, alright. My advice would be for you to disappear, and the sooner the better.

You don’t get it, do you?

Fuck you, Gordon; of course I get it.

This restaurant has every chance of succeeding... but not while you are in it, because you’re not passionate. You’re soulless.

Say what you like. Let me get out of here.

You’re ungrateful.