Kitchen Nightmares quotes

When a chef outlasts two owners already, trust me, there something's not quite right...

Necesitamos hablar. (We need to talk)

Si, dimelo. ¿Que pasa, niña? (Yeah, talk to me. What happened, my child?)

Casimiro, yo pienso que los dos de usted necesitáis ir. ¿Esto me duele mucho, ok? (Casimiro, I think the two of you need to go. This hurts me a lot, ok?)

Ok.

Lo siento mucho. Lo siento mucho, Casimiro. (I'm very sorry, I'm very sorry, Casimiro)

Ok...

[while trying to hug him]: Sorry, sorry...

No, no, no... lo sabía... lo sabía. (I knew it)

[while walking out]: Ciao, guys!

[Looking for the restaurant] Restaurant with flamingo. [Stops in surprise as he sees a giant pink flamingo above the restaurant] Holy Mackerel. Look at the size of that thing. Wow. Are you serious? Look at that. Wow, wow, wow!

Oh, Jesus. Uh, what the fuck was that all about?

It's a shit job.

Honestly?

Yeah.

(Shakes head) And is she always like that?

Yes.

How do you concentrate like that?

You can't. I mean, you really can't!

Why would she 86 everything in the middle of service?

I cannot tell you.

How sad is that? Honestly, come on. How...fucking...depressing...is that? It's like the map of America. [points around the pork chop] Start on the East Coast. There's California, where that little dark spot is. Come to central, Midwest. Then we have Seattle. We're here. [points] Pittsburgh. God bless America. [swats at a fly] Fuck off, fly.

Look. [Showing bag of pork belly that's raw]

Oh what, that is pork fat.

Just hold that two seconds; that's next to this: [Pulls out container of chicken wings not frozen] Fucking wings, and the top is soaking wet because it's fucking full of condensation! And this! [Pulls container out] Who grabs that out there and doesn't think about changing the bowl. Who could be that dirty? Chili?

Chili.

Shit around the outside. LOOK AT THE MESS OF THIS PLACE! It's fucking ridiculous! SOMEONE FUCKING MAN UP! [Stares at Chris who is petrified] Young man, you are running a business! Whole wings, next to the fucking raw pork? You'll kill everybody!

You guys didn't cook the gyro right. Rubbery as it was.

Shut the fuck up! You're stupid!

You guys can't do your job right!

Why don't you shut the fuck up!?

Hey!

What!?

I don't want to hear any shouting in the kitchen!

Why don't you tell him to shut up?

Yeah. You too.

It looks anaemic, the colour's dreadful, and it tastes just like bland, boiled lamb.

You shouldn't be giving out garbage food. Are you serious?

You take over!

Why don't you take over!?

I should!

Then do it!

If you don't want it, then get out!

Do it!

If you don't want it, then get out!

You're stupid!

(to Leina) Do me a favour, send that back to fucking New Zealand.

Okay.

(overhearing Jamal, Emad, and Samer arguing) What's going on there?

They've been arguing, because he's (Jamal) telling him (Emad) that he doesn't know how to cook.

Idiot, dude. Just go back to the front.

Horrible. Horrible.

Who cares about his opinion?

He says that the lamb, it just tasted like it was boiled in water. And he said, "Send this back to New Zealand."

(testimonial) He tried it and he said, "There is no flavor in it!" But I believed myself I make the best lamb shank here in California. (back at the kitchen) I don't really know what to do. (waves a pan at Emad as if wanting to hit him with it)

What were you doing again? Oh, yeah. Cook your food wrong.

Nobody's talking to you! Stay back there!

Chef Ramsay wants to see everybody, outside.

Before I start talking about the dishes, what was the fighting going on there?

He just like to come back and argue pretty much about nothing.

Actually, when we get a complaint, I tell them what's going on, and they can't take criticism.

No, that's not it.

Let me talk!

You're making it seem that you're better than everything!

(to Samer) So why are you still talking when I'm talking!? (to Gordon) If I come back there and let them know, "Hey, this is dry", "Hey, the hummus is messed up"--

No, we really accept that. But the fact that you come over there and, "Hey, you guys can't cook. You guys are shit"--

I didn't say that!

Okay, okay!

That's what I have everyday.

Can I start talking about my lunch? The "combo plate": eggplants, out of the can; hummus, bland; falafel, bland. Sam, you recommended lamb shank, but the bones were disintegrating. When the bones start disintegrating, that's three hours over-cooked.

I don't know what to tell you.

Have you given up?

Not yet.

Top sirloin: it was miles away from medium rare.

Umm! (condescendingly points lips at Emad)

What are you "umm"-ing about? Shut up!

Okay, no, no.

I have nothing to do about --

Okay, okay.

What's wrong?

He's (points at Jamal) making a scene like it's all my fault. He said, "Umm, umm" (mimics Jamal's condescension) like I'm doing something wrong.

Yeah, who's been messing up all day before you walked in? So you know who's here, can't you just, like, step up?

You should have stepped up!

I'm telling you guys what's wrong --

Okay. He (Jamal) wasn't in that position that day, so stop putting the blame on him. You guys (points at Emad, Wesam, and Samer) were cooking.

Who cooked his (Ramsay's) food?

You were criticizing us all day!

Even if he was criticizing, you guys cooked the food!

You guys were giving messed-up food. That's what happened, right? Then try it! Then tell me what you think.

I've never seen anything like this. (to Emad) Have you given up?

(nods) Kind of.

"Kind of." Do you care?

Not really.

It shows you don't care.

Just like last night, he went up to every table and said, "Hello, my name's Ninoooo!"

You are in denial!

No! I'm not!

Bullshitting me and blowing smoke up my ass, telling me you work eight hours a day cleaning, telling me the food is great, people love it. I am shitting myself. The chef--

Well, then you need to wear diapers. (Gordon looks askance at him) You shouldn't be shittin' on yourself.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Or are you just trying to act like a fuckin' idiot to make yourself sound better?

No, I'm not a fuckin' idiot.

Then stop sounding like one.

You sound like a fuckin' idiot yourself.

I sound like an idiot?

You used the word "fuckin", so I brought it back to you. I think that's... kinda gross.

(stepping in) Nino, we need to calm down.

Unbelievable. Now, I know the problem in this restaurant. I'm staring at it.

Yeah. And I'm staring at it as well.

(interview) To be honest, I don't know what's in Nino's head.

Are we done?

(interview) It's almost like he's completely mentally unstable.

We do things with passion, with integrity... the food here at the bistro is the freshest, hands down.

And these are... little carrots?

Micro-carrots.

Micro-carrots? From...

From a local farm.

Do you not think you should let it grow a bit?

Well, I don't think they're there to be really eaten, they're for garnish.

Okay.

It's a garnish. Nice to add some color.

Oh.

But I would like to explain what we're spending on micro-carrots.

Yeah. Can we go through this after?

[interview] I have staff here that'll take care of that. You don't hand me raw food in MY dining room.

Joe, I get upset when I see fakery from a frozen ravioli, a frozen perch, frozen oysters. And when you deny it, that makes me mad.

Well, let's talk about that.

Yeah, because you're making up stories.

I'm not making up stories.

Yes, you are. That's how fucking deluded you are.

No, I'm not deluded. We have fresh stuff, okay?

I'm struggling here to stay in this building right now. I swear to God.

Gordon, I got to cook right now.

Now isn’t a good time? I wish you would. I'm standing here watching a dead man walking.

Are they raw onions in there? What's that? Did you put raw onions in there?

I didn’t; no.

Why are we doing this to each other?

I don’t know.

Is this a wind-up? Look at me. You're putting raw onions in the soup. I don't know if you're just fucking around. I'm—I'm lost, Joe. Why are you doing this?

You said earlier that it needed more onions. Okay? We responded by putting the onions in there, so they had more of a bite to it.

It's raw. What's the matter with you? We send that out, it’s going to come straight back!

What do you want to hear?

Take it off, Joe!

Take it off the menu?

86 it! Save whatever little reputation you've got left! MAN! Surely you've got a bit more respect than that! I'm trying to reason with you, Joe.

I get it.

Fine.

I get it.

Fine! But I am not here to show an idiot you can't put fucking raw onions in an onion soup! I can't teach you that! That's called common sense! That, in your tiny mind, is not common!

Pardon?

(to Tom) Come here, you. Should we put raw onions in a caramelised onion soup?! TELL HIM!!

(to Joe) No.

(to Tom) Thank you! (to Joe) You've got talented staff to tell you that! Ask your chef!