Kitchen Nightmares Season 1 quotes

When was the last time you went inside the walk-in fridge?

I had a hot flash last week.

A hot flash?! What does that mean?

I mean, I was like, hot and I walked in here for a second.

Peter's like one of those guys who eats out a lot, so he assumes he knows about cooking in restaurants. He has no clue about the kitchen.

Can someone get me Tina, please? I need orange juice.

You want Tina to stop now and get you a glass of orange juice?!

Don't I have anybody that can get me orange juice?

Peter. Look at me. Fuck yourself.

With the doors about to open, Gordon gathers the staff for a quick chat.

Right, tonight is a critical, crucial night.

Are you with us? Or are you...

No, I'm just waiting for him (Peter).

Okay, but we're really busy right now.

Once again, Peter's has a bill collector on its doorstep.

(to bill collector) You are interfering, that's what I'm saying. Now get out of the way. Would you mind...

I'm interfering? You got to wait two minutes. I got to talk.

Get out of the way.

What?

Why don't you get out of the way so we can go on?

You get out of the way. Don't worry about it, I'm talking to him.

Why don't you go -- no, get out of the way.

(points to Peter) I want to talk to you.

I'm saying: Get away.

(to bill collector) Hey, who are you talking to? (begins to take off suit jacket)

I'm talking to you!

(tries to hold Peter back) God almighty! Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax!

(unintelligible, overlapping, drops his jacket)

(unintelligible, overlapping)

Oh, no! Relax, relax, relax, relax!

(unintelligible)

(gets in bill collector's face) Fuck off! Get the fuck out of here! Who the fuck are you?!

(still trying to restrain Peter) Relax! Relax! Dear, oh dear!

Who the fuck are you?! Fucking tough guy?!

(turns away for a second) Christ almighty...

(unintelligible, chases bill collector outside)

(notices what just happened) Oh, shit...

(trying to instigate a fight) Yeah, tough guy! Come on!

(being restrained by Robert and John) You fake little gangster! Come on! You fake little gangster! I'll hurt you, scumbag! YEAH, TOUGH GUY!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Stop!

(watching the bill collector walk toward his car) COME ON, YOU FAKE TOUGH GUY!! COME ON, YOU FAKE TOUGH GUY!! COME ON! COME ON, YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME?! COME ON, I'LL PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL!! YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!! YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Come out of the way, come out of the way.

FUCK THIS GUY!!! FUCK THIS GUY!! COME ON, YOU FAKE FUCKING GANGSTER!! YOU FUCKING BLOWJOB!! YOU'RE A FUCKING BLOWJOB!!!

Peter, you're embarrassing me.

Fuck this guy!!

Peter, Peter, relax.

Relax, relax.

Who the fuck is he to come in my fucking place?!?

Relax, relax, relax.

(still raging at the now-departing bill collector) Have my fucking cock, you scumbag! Yeah, tough guy! (gets right next to his car and knocks on the window) Right now! Right now! (bill collector drives away anyway)

Having discovered the terrible conditions in the kitchen, Gordon now ventures down to the basement to check out what's lurking below.

What's that smell?

What?!! (to Mohammad) What is that? Is that for rats or mice?

This is food for to catch a rat.

So we have got rats here.

Rat is all over the place.

That's rat droppings. Look at them all, everywhere.

Rats.

Rats. Oh my good God.

Look at the cockroaches.

Oh my God, look. I've got one in my fucking hair, that's cockroaches. The box is full of them.

Look, look at them all.

Oh my God, look. There they are, there in the refrigeration. Oh fucking hell. Oh my God. Oh no. LOOK AT THAT! Oh my God, look at it. (to Mohammad) There you go, there you go.

(interview) I was shocked. It's like a nightmare.

(finds half a tomato) When's that from? That's been sliced. That's gone out. What is that --where is it-- hey madam, where's that tomato gone?

(digging through the slugs in the tomato) Look! It's fucking rotten, you fucking idiot! IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! Has a customer just been served a slice of tomato?!!

No, no, no.

So where is it?!!

(interview) Oh my god.

(interview) Things are looking pretty glum.

No-one is getting served from this fucking restaurant tonight! Let's make that clear! Yes or no? Anyone against that?

No.

No, good.

(interview) That didn't go down too well. He was extremely angry and extremely pissed off.

We are not...ever...again serving any of this food. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. Can you go and tell them that the kitchen is closed? Right now! Out there and tell them the truth! Tell them now!

(interview) Gordon was so outraged. So angry. I've never seen anything like it.

(who can be heard in the dining room) FROM GREEN BURGERS, TO FUCKING FURRY CUCUMBERS, TO FUCKING RANCID POTATOES!!!

This place can be phenomenal. The location is extraordinary. This is a new start. You have to treat it as a new beginning.

Exactly. Of course.

I mean, in a perfect world, I would sacrifice one your managers to employ Vikas (Khanna). You cannot carry driftwood in your business. Out of the three managers (flashes to Martin, Khan, and Andrew), one has to go. (Martin glares at Gordon) Between you and I, Martin has an amazing way of manipulating you. And he is not worth his weight in terms of what he brings to the table.

(interview) Hearing Gordon Ramsay say that to Mohammad, that makes me upset and angry. The frustration just boiled over. (approaches Mohammad) Tonight, tonight, Mohammad, I've never used you. I've respected you. I'm proud of what we've done. I've never cheated you. And I take --

What's going on?

You're asking... for a manager to leave.

Come on.

I've had enough! Because, you have been insulting me? You've accused me of riding on his back!

Did you hear what I just said to him?

Martin?

So... (to Mohammad) Let him go. Go on. Get it out. Get it off your chest.

No, that you...

For the first time since I met you, show me that you're a man.

First, you accused me of riding on this man's...

Why are you pointing like that?

Because I'm angry, okay? You want to see passion? I'm giving you passion. This person (Muhammad), I've respected. And you have the audacity to accuse of, like, taking his money...

...riding off his back?

Riding off his back, is what you said. Well, that is disgusting. You don't have the right. You don't know that.

What about...

I have nothing to be guilty of.

You what?

Nothing!

You sat in it. (flashback) IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! (Martin simply looks at) (to Martin) Yeah, you ran it. You sat in it.

Yes.

You wasted it.

Yes. I wasted it?

You encouraged it.

It was always like, it spiraled...

You let it go to shit.

It spiraled out of control. And I asked you to come on board.

You're feeling guilty. I'm glad.

NOT GUILTY!

You're guilty.

Mohammad, I'm... NOT GUILTY! I'm not going to take this put-down anymore. I have nothing to be guilty of. Listen, this is my last night.

Who said this was your last night? I'm curious.

Yes, this is my last light. This is my last, tonight!

Please tell the owner, not me.

(to Muhammad) This is my last night. I'm out of here. I quit! (walks out)

Jesus Christ.

(interview) When Martin left, actually, I was shocked. I didn't expect he's going to go dead there.

(interview) I think Gordon Ramsay is full of shit. And I'm extremely angry and extremely pissed off. And now, I turn my back and walk away.

(interview) The Dragons were supposed to be on that list and Mike just forgot!

How is that missed? How is that overlooked?

Someone-- the Dragons just...

Mike, that's what I'm saying.

I'm not sure what transpired.

(interview) It was so upsetting. The was no Dragons on there!

My god. For me, it's the most important table. That's embarrassing.

You're overlooking extremely important things!

I was not told about the Dragons. I found out...

Well, why do you keep saying that?

(losing it) Because I wasn't!! I wasn't told!!

Excuse me, do not talk to me like that!

I was told at 7:00 this morning. THAT IT!!! Seriously, I'm pissed off!! DRAGONS ON THE PAPER!!! I'm pissed off!! Not my fault!! Dragons over here, I put them on at 7:00. COULD WE PLEASE MOVE ON?!!! THAT'S IT!!! NOT MY FAULT!!!

(after tasting the crab cakes) They've got it wrong on the menu. It's not a crab cake. It's a crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I'll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.

Twice baked potato. Thank fuck I missed that one twice.

(finding frozen ravioli that he had for lunch) Bingo. These were my fresh lobster ravioli. Fresh? My fuckin' ass. I've eaten this shit!

(finding pesto) Oh, fucking hell. So that's the pesto I had for lunch. Just look at the colours in there. Look at that, it's mouldy.

This is ten thousand times worse than I thought it would be.

(to Peter) This is not a time - hey - to laugh and take a fucking piss out of me. I've eaten this shit. What's going on, Peter?