Onslow quotes from Keeping Up Appearances

Onslow

Oh, nice!

Onslow

Less noise, you daft bitch! That goes for you as well, dog!

Daisy

She's a real organiser, our Hyacinth.

Onslow

She's a real...

Daisy

(interrupts quickly) Onslow!

Onslow

Did you bring any beer?

Rose

No, I didn't.

Onslow

I'm sitting here, completely surrounded by no beer!

Rose

Onslow, Father's on the roof again!

Onslow

Ask him if he's got my bottle opener!

Daisy

Why don't we have a second honeymoon?

Onslow

I remember what happened the first time.

Daisy

Me too. I remember what happened the first time.

Onslow

We argued the all the time.

Daisy

Not all the time.

Onslow

Nearly all the time. I couldn't get over that confession of yours!

Daisy

Well, I thought it was only proper. If we were starting married life, we shouldn't have any secrets.

Onslow

But what a time to spring it on a bloke. On his wedding night! I barely got started on all your new underwear and then you told me.

Daisy

I thought it was a bit much, you getting straight up and going out for a long walk.

Onslow

I had to think about things. I had to decide if I could live with it.

Daisy

I can't think what was so bad about it!

Onslow

You should have come clean about it before we got married.

Daisy

You wouldn't have married me.

Onslow

You were lucky I didn't divorce you.

Daisy

It's not grounds for divorce.

Onslow

Being a Liverpool supporter!

Onslow

You look up at the sky and you think 'That's nice.' Little do you realise it's full of black holes! They can suck you in. Compress all your matter.

Daisy

(looking at his stomach) It could do with a bit.

Onslow

Oh, nice!

Daisy

Look, if it's going to upset you, you have to stop watching Open University.

Onslow

I wish we could afford a new car.

Daisy

I wish we could afford this one.

Daisy

A strange man in the house.

Rose

(looks at Onslow) There's been one here for years.

Daisy

What are we going to do?

Onslow

Well, I know what I'm gonna do. (hits the TV and sits down)

Daisy

Onslow, you can't just sit there watching telly when there's a strange man in Father's bed!

Onslow

Throw him out.

Rose

You can't! He's got a receipt!

Rose

Why is Onslow reading the Financial Times?

Onslow

I like to keep an eye on the economy. A bloke in my position has to wonder how long the country can afford him. If we don't get the economy right, people like me are gonna be in trouble! It's the duty of all of us to be concerned about the shrinking pound.

Daisy

And when I married him, I thought he was just a sex symbol.