A character in Keeping Up Appearances
Played by Patricia Routledge
Keeping Up Appearances · 72 quotes
Most-quoted character in Keeping Up Appearances: in 51 of its 72 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard (8), Elizabeth (2)
HyacinthNo, you cannot have a number 24 nor a double portion of 37. This isn't the Chinese takeaway. This is a private, slimline, white telephone with no connection whatsoever to any business or trade. Especially not one of foreign extraction!
HyacinthRose, you will not commit suicide! I forbid it.
HyacinthThe Bucket residence, the lady of the house sp--no, you cannot have three of 22 and a portion of 19 with chips. This is not the Chinese takeaway. This is a private, slimline, pearl white telephone with no oriental associations whatsoever!
HyacinthSheridan deserves a father full of executive stress, wearing a bow-tie.
HyacinthIt's a matter of complete indifference to me whether it's sterilised, pasteurised, immunized, or privatised.
HyacinthI hope you're not going to spoil things with lower-middle class humour.
HyacinthWhat's wrong with your husband, dear?
HyacinthWhims and fancies. [chuckles]
HyacinthThey all have their whims and fancies.
HyacinthIn what way is Bruce going strange?
Hyacinth[laughs] Well, I'm sorry, Violet, but I thought for a moment there that you said he wanted you both to dress up as Robin Hood and Maid Marian. [chuckles]
HyacinthOh, he does want you both to dress up as Robin Hood and Maid Marian.
HyacinthWhat do you mean I haven't heard the worst part?
HyacinthHe wants to be Maid Marian.
HyacinthI once caught Richard playing with a Frisbee. He said it's one he found, but I've never been sure.
HyacinthI thought I heard a willow warbler! Did you hear a willow warbler? It's one of my absolutely all-time favourite songsters.
Hyacinth(on the phone to Violet) Why is Bruce sobbing? ... But is it a large tear in his flamenco frock?
HyacinthThe Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking! ...Do I sound like a Chinese takeaway? I am a highly desirable private residence in an area of outstanding natural property values, and I am waiting for your apology... unless, of course, the thought of bean shoots and crispy won-ton have stir-fried your basic humanity. Now kindly clear this line! There are people of substance in this community who are probably queueing to ring me at this very moment! ...Your suggestion is noted, but I see little practical merit in having the telephone up my jumper.
Hyacinth(on the phone) May I speak to the Vicar, please? Not available? Is he busy? ...Oh, ringing the bells. Rings his own bells? How democratic.
Hyacinth(on the phone to Violet) I've got Elizabeth and Emmet here. You remember Elizabeth, from next door. Her husband works abroad somewhere; one of those Arab countries. Yes, you met her at one one of my candlelight suppers. She drops things.
HyacinthThe Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking! No, I cannot send round another portion of stir-fried squid with fish balls and broccoli. This is not the Green Lotus Chinese takeaway. I may only be one digit removed, but believe me, it's a whole other world. ...I heard that, and it wasn't Chinese.
HyacinthHow fares the church worldwide then, vicar? For instance, what is the missionary position in China these days?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Keeping Up Appearances pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
