Kath quotes from Kath & Kim

Kim

Look at me, Mum, don't you think I look like Britney Spears?

Kath

Yes, you do, you do, you look like her sister, Asparagus. Asparagus Spears, geddit?

Kim

I've still got a thumping headache. I'm never drinking again.

Kath

More Bailey's, Kim?

Kim

Yes, thanks.

When is the wedding?

Kath

It's September 18th, 4:45 for a 4:46 start.

And where will the wedding be held? Hyatt? Sheraton? Crown Towers?

Kath

No, it's a garden wedding.

Oh beyoushiful, a marquee at the Royal Botanical Garden!

Kath

Erm, no, a tarpaulin over the clothesline at White Horse Court, Fountain Lakes.

Graysh!

Kath

Do you have flutes in your Orrefors? (pronounced like orifice)

Yes! I do.

Kath

Right, I'll take two of those.

Kim

Heres your statue, Mum! (brings in a statue of little baby cheeses)

Kath

OH! What in the love in God is that?

Kim

It's the statue you wanted!

Kath

What? No, it's not, Kim!

Kim

Yes, it is! It's a statue of little baby cheeses!

Kath

Little baby cheeses? Oh, little baby "Jesus", Kim. JESUS! (sighs) Oh, Jesus!

Kim

Oh, give it a bone, Mum.

Kath

I would, Kim, but you already ate it.

Kim

For your information, I do have a date. A STICKY DATE!

Kath

Oh, don't be foul, Kim!

Kath

What country are you from, Imran? Hmm, mustn't have heard me.

Kim

Lucky him.

Kath

"Kimmie, look at me. Look at me please. Look at me, look at me. Now, I have one word for you: feng shui."

Kim

"What?"

Kath

"You've got your back to the door. It means your enemies can come in at any time and clock you on the head!"

Kim

"Someone's gonna clock you on the head in a minute."

Kath

"What was that Kim?"

Kim

"Nothing, just said we need a clock by the bed."

Kim

"I was thinking of going with monogamy."

Kath

"Oh no, Kim, monogamy's very old fashioned. You just want a veneer of monogamy. That's all people care about these days."

Kim

"Mum, look at me. Don't I look like Rachel Hunter?"

Kath

"Err yeh love... *scratches eyelid*... you look like some sort of Hunter."

Kath

Hi Sharon, you met a guy!

Sharon

How'd you know, Mrs. D?

Kath

Oh, I can feel it in me waters!

Kim

Who is this so called "guy"? He's not a bloody doctor, is he?

Kath

Hallelujah! The droughts broken!

Kim

Well, I wouldn't open my flood gates yet.

Kim

It's beautiful! It's got a gym, a pool and a mezza-noyne.

Kath

A mezza-noyne?!

It's noyce, it's diff'rent, it's un-ewes-ual, yes, a mezza-noyne.

Kath

What are you reading there, Kim?

Kim

The Da Vinci Code, I'm reading it to Epponnee as a bedtime story.

Kath

Oh, yes, I'm reading that, but I'm reading the abridged version. It's called the Eensie-Weensie Da Vinci Code.

Kim

Mum, why is there barely any water in here?

Kath

Well it's a drought Kim! Phase 2 at the moment!

Kim

Oh, just fill it up -- I would!

Kath

No Kim! The farmers! [quietly] Actually Kim, Kel did fill it up the other day but bozzo next door dobbed us in.

Kim

So what are we sitting in now?

Kath

This is grey water, it's washing up water.

Kim

[takes sponge out of water and throws it on ground] Ewwww! Mum!

Kath

Well Kim, that's what we're reduced to, thanks to -- [neighbour sticky-beaks] Oh yes! Having a good butcher's, are we? No, don't try and hide! We can see you!

Kim

We can see you!

Kim

[To Kylie Minogue] Let's celebrate! Would you like a car-donnay, Kylie?

Kath

Stewpid girl, Kim. It's not car-donnay, the correct pronunciation is shah-donnay.

Kim

Mum, it's French, the haitch is silent. Back me up, here, Kylie!

Yeah, she's right, Mrs. D., I've been to Paris, and h is silent, it's car-donnay.

Kath

Well, excuse me for living, Kylie.