You know what Mrs. D? I think you should come out!
... I don't think so, Sharon.
All S1
Characters
KimGina Riley · 52 quotes
KathJane Turner · 34 quotes
SharonMagda Szubanski · 16 quotes
BrettPeter Rowsthorn · 6 quotes
KelGlenn Robbins · 4 quotes
TTrude3 quotes
Most scenes together: Kim & Kath (22), Kim & Sharon (5), Kim & Brett (4)
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[To Kath at bridal shop] That could be the theme of your wedding... mutton dressed as lamb!
[To Kath, indignant over her coldness after his 'seamans revelation'] Keep Saturday night free, because after that there will be no doubt that I, Kel Graham Knight, am all the man you need!... now, what did I do with my man-bag?
[Talking to Kim about her sexuality, believing her to be a lesbian] You're a Dutch sea wall, Kim!
[Confused] What?
A dyke! On a bike... if you like.
Mum, I'm not gay.
Well, if I'm so attractive Kim, how come I can't get a guy?
I don't know.
Kim, I'll tell you something for nothing, you may eat like a pig, but you're certainly not a dog.
Well, if I'm not a dog, how come I've got a bitch for a mother?
I heard that.
And this is for you.
Oh, Kel, Barbra Streisand!
Yep, I'm a big Streisand fan.
Really? Oh, what a nong I am to think that you were gay when you're a big Barbra Streisand fan.
[Talking to Kath about Brett's alleged unfaithfulness] In case you hadn't noticed, I'm an emotional wreck at the moment. My husband has been having it off with not one, but two third parties!
If you need!
Bloody Bolton bitches!
I'm not as stupid as I look.
[Trying to help her daughter to lose weight] Kimmy, Look at moiye, look at moiye, Look at moiye, ploise. Now I've got one word to say to you... Ozone hi bootiful girl!
What?
The ozone diet. It's the only way! It's taking Hollywood by storm, Kim. Everybody's on it: Madonna Penn Ritchie, Jennifer Pitt Aniston, Courtney Loves Cox.
The ozone diet? What does that pacifically entail?
Well, it's air evidently, Kimmy. You eat air for two weeks, and then red meat for two weeks, so it all balances out!
Oh, then there is your "welcome mat". (pointing to Kim's lower back)
What?
Oh, the unsightly patch of hair just there.
Look, I just feel I have so many options, R.E: the venue at the moment; you know I've got 'Big Jugs' on one hand, I've got 'Dirty Nelly's' on the other, and now I've got King Henry VIII constantly on my back!
I'm not criticising you, Mum. I'm just saying you look bad!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kath & Kim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.