Kim quotes from Kath & Kim

Kim

I've still got a thumping headache. I'm never drinking again.

Kath

More Bailey's, Kim?

Kim

Yes, thanks.

How about something in your Bodum?

Kim

I beg yours!

A plunger in your Bodum's always nice. And it comes with these matching cups which are cyuuute.

Kim

Nuh.

How about Nigella Oliver's newie? It's the box set! It's got New Food, Screwed Food, Rude Food and Nude Food...

Kim

Nuh.

Kim

Heres your statue, Mum! (brings in a statue of little baby cheeses)

Kath

OH! What in the love in God is that?

Kim

It's the statue you wanted!

Kath

What? No, it's not, Kim!

Kim

Yes, it is! It's a statue of little baby cheeses!

Kath

Little baby cheeses? Oh, little baby "Jesus", Kim. JESUS! (sighs) Oh, Jesus!

Kim

Oh, give it a bone, Mum.

Kath

I would, Kim, but you already ate it.

Kim

For your information, I do have a date. A STICKY DATE!

Kath

Oh, don't be foul, Kim!

Kath

What country are you from, Imran? Hmm, mustn't have heard me.

Kim

Lucky him.

Kath

"Kimmie, look at me. Look at me please. Look at me, look at me. Now, I have one word for you: feng shui."

Kim

"What?"

Kath

"You've got your back to the door. It means your enemies can come in at any time and clock you on the head!"

Kim

"Someone's gonna clock you on the head in a minute."

Kath

"What was that Kim?"

Kim

"Nothing, just said we need a clock by the bed."

Kim

"I was thinking of going with monogamy."

Kath

"Oh no, Kim, monogamy's very old fashioned. You just want a veneer of monogamy. That's all people care about these days."

Kim

"Mum, look at me. Don't I look like Rachel Hunter?"

Kath

"Err yeh love... *scratches eyelid*... you look like some sort of Hunter."

Sharon

Kim! You look like a bit of a fashion victim.

Kim

Thank you Sharon. I do try.

Kath

Hi Sharon, you met a guy!

Sharon

How'd you know, Mrs. D?

Kath

Oh, I can feel it in me waters!

Kim

Who is this so called "guy"? He's not a bloody doctor, is he?

Kath

Hallelujah! The droughts broken!

Kim

Well, I wouldn't open my flood gates yet.

Brett

Well, there it is. I know it's the worst house, but it's on the best street. It's what you're supposed to buy.

Kim

No, you've got it all wrong. You're supposed to buy the best house on the worst street, 'cause then you can lord it over people.

Brett

I don't want to lord it over people.

Kim

Well, doesn't that just sum it up, Acting Assistant Deputy Sales Manager in Charge of Software. Wow, I'm impressed... not.

Kim

What about me? I'm stuck at home with Epponnee on my face, mum on my back and Kel up my goat. How would you like it?

Brett

Don't get all pussy-bum on me.

Kim

I'm just bored, Brett. Bored stupid.

Kim

It's beautiful! It's got a gym, a pool and a mezza-noyne.

Kath

A mezza-noyne?!

It's noyce, it's diff'rent, it's un-ewes-ual, yes, a mezza-noyne.

Kath

What are you reading there, Kim?

Kim

The Da Vinci Code, I'm reading it to Epponnee as a bedtime story.

Kath

Oh, yes, I'm reading that, but I'm reading the abridged version. It's called the Eensie-Weensie Da Vinci Code.

Kim

Mum, why is there barely any water in here?

Kath

Well it's a drought Kim! Phase 2 at the moment!

Kim

Oh, just fill it up -- I would!

Kath

No Kim! The farmers! [quietly] Actually Kim, Kel did fill it up the other day but bozzo next door dobbed us in.

Kim

So what are we sitting in now?

Kath

This is grey water, it's washing up water.

Kim

[takes sponge out of water and throws it on ground] Ewwww! Mum!

Kath

Well Kim, that's what we're reduced to, thanks to -- [neighbour sticky-beaks] Oh yes! Having a good butcher's, are we? No, don't try and hide! We can see you!

Kim

We can see you!