Kim quotes from Kath & Kim

Kim

"Good idea. Can you get me a Cherry Ripe? Jumbo size."

Kim

"IT HUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRTS!"

Kim

I'm dying in this townhouse.

Kim

[In a flash-forward 20 years, to an offscreen Epponnee-Rae.] Epponnee, hurry up! And don't forget your fake-tan.

Kim

Epponnee, Silver Lady Coaches called. The flying saucers are going to be here any minute!

Kath

[Talking to Kim about her sexuality, believing her to be a lesbian] You're a Dutch sea wall, Kim!

Kim

[Confused] What?

Kath

A dyke! On a bike... if you like.

Kim

Mum, I'm not gay.

Sharon

Well, if I'm so attractive Kim, how come I can't get a guy?

Kim

I don't know.

Kath

Kim, I'll tell you something for nothing, you may eat like a pig, but you're certainly not a dog.

Kim

Well, if I'm not a dog, how come I've got a bitch for a mother?

Kath

I heard that.

Kath

[Trying to help her daughter to lose weight] Kimmy, Look at moiye, look at moiye, Look at moiye, ploise. Now I've got one word to say to you... Ozone hi bootiful girl!

Kim

What?

Kath

The ozone diet. It's the only way! It's taking Hollywood by storm, Kim. Everybody's on it: Madonna Penn Ritchie, Jennifer Pitt Aniston, Courtney Loves Cox.

Kim

The ozone diet? What does that pacifically entail?

Kath

Well, it's air evidently, Kimmy. You eat air for two weeks, and then red meat for two weeks, so it all balances out!

Kath

Oh, then there is your "welcome mat". (pointing to Kim's lower back)

Kim

What?

Kath

Oh, the unsightly patch of hair just there.

Kim

Sharon! Treat em' mean, keep them keen!

Sharon

Well? wouldn't... being nicer be the better way to go?

Brett

(Talking to Kim about online dating) Why don't you try logging on to WWW dot bretty dot com - hey you, come here! (grabs Kim)

Kim

Piss off, Brett!

Kath

No kiss, no coach, no kiss, no coach, it was like a nightmare!

Kim

Why didn't you just kiss him?

Kath

I really want something elegant, you know. Something, I dont know, maybe a cocktail party. You know, with some hot suggestions.

Kim

Yeah, yeah, yeah! We can have those classy cocktails. I've had them all, Sixtey-Niner, Slow Screw Against The Wall, Sex On The Beach.

Kath

Yeah? What about an "orgasm"?

Kim

No, I've never had one of those.

Kim

Look at me, Mum, don't you think I look like Britney Spears?

Kath

Yes, you do, you do, you look like her sister, Asparagus. Asparagus Spears, geddit?