Justice League Unlimited · Season 1
What I wanna know is-
"Why can't we join the Justice League?"
Hey, it's all right. I used to think like that.
Used to? What happened?
I dunno. I guess I just started wanting stuff.
Me will do anything for the woman he loves! Even break her boyfriend out of prison!
And what's gonna happen then?
Uh... [gets knocked out]
[in free fall, having bailed out of his plane] Batman to all points. I could use some air support. Since I can't fly. At all. [continues to fall and states calmly] Now would be good. [Superman catches him only a few feet from the ground]
[holding Atom in her palm] Ready?
Just don't squeeze.
[in the midst of battle, before tucking Atom into her cleavage] I need both hands, professor.
This is incredible. Every atom of it is filled with books' worth of information, it is beautifully simple, it—
Save it for the autopsy.
There. Is that--
That was disgusting.
I don't suppose you need any help destroying that? Wouldn't want that technology falling into the wrong hands.
We can learn a lot from it. It almost beat the Justice League, after all.
Why would you need something to do that, General?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe because it turns out that the Justice League has had a secret space-based weapon of mass destruction all along. And we're going to be talking about that some day, believe me. Ma'am.
[a general has just taken away a doomsday machine that nearly destroyed Earth] Amazing. Show him a weapon that destroyed its creators and every other thing it saw, and he wants to play with it. What's to stop history from repeating itself here on Earth?
We are.
Shhhh, it's okay. I know what you want. What you need. Close your eyes.
That's long enough. I'm going in after her.
It's over.
Hawkgirl, do you think today's act can possibly make up for your complicity in the Thanagarian invasion of Earth?
Do you have a comment on your dismissal from the Justice League?
Hawkgirl was never dismissed from the League. She can come back whenever she likes.
[The vote to keep Shayera in the league or not is revealed.]
I recused myself, because... well... anyway, Superman broke the tie.
I believe in second chances. I believe in redemption. But mostly... I believe in my friends.
[as several onlookers jeer Shayera] Back off! She doesn't have to take that from you people!
Yes, I do. But it's okay. I guess I deserve some of it.
[Her hand is taken]
You saved our lives. God bless you, Chica Halcón.
You deserve that, too.
David? David! Are you hiding in the garage again? Look at this mess. Come on out, David. I know you're here.
Oh. Hello, dear. I was just cataloging some of my collection.
Collection? Pft. Bunch of junk.
It's not junk. This comb belonged to Cleopatra. And this... This is an actual early draft of the Magna Carta. And this-
Right. Like you could afford these things on a physics professor's salary. We can't even afford the new car I want.
I-I didn't buy them, Enid. I sort of took them.
You robbed a museum? Is that why you're wearing that goofy cat suit?
Well, sort of. Not exactly. Remember last summer when I didn't get tenure?
Yeah. They thought you were crazy because you kept insisting you were on the verge of discovering... time travel.
It's my chrono-suit. I've had it working for months. I've been using it to gather treasures for my collection. And you said I was a loser.
Let me get this straight. You got a suit that lets you travel in time, and you've been using it to steal historical trash? [David looks proud; Enid grabs him abusively] You stupid little man! You could go back and steal gold and jewels! You could get stock information from the future! We could be rich!
No! We can't use the suit to do anything that could change history. I'm careful to only take things that wouldn't be missed.
Like your spine?
Enid, please, don't talk to me like that. I love-
Mother was right. I should have married Jim Doorman. He's a very successful lawyer. And you are a loser - always were, always will be.
But-
YOU WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, WRETCHED WASTE OF SPACE! YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING USEFUL TO DO WITH IT?!
[is stunned with fright at first, but then turns angry] I can think of one thing! [activates a portal in time] I can use it to get away from you!
[He disappears into it, leaving Enid looking scared]
By all means, you first.
Diana's carrying a grudge.
She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything?
What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now. [pause] I'm very happy.
Uh-huh.
Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana?
Nothing. She's a respected colleague.
Uh-huh.
I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow any distractions. Diana's a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend, she's... [realizes] ...standing right behind me, isn't she?
[indeed she is] Don't let that stop you. [leans over Batman, flirtatiously] Keep digging.
[David Clinton grunting]
Aah!
Who are you? How did you get in the watchtower?
You weren't supposed see me. Stay away! No one's supposed to know I was here.
Everybody okay?
Where are we?
"Where"? I think the question is "when"?
I have to confess. You're about the most colorfully attired individuals I've ever bushwhacked. You circus folk?
Not exactly.
I don't care what you are, long as you pay the toll.
Toll?
Welcome to Elkhorn, Oklahoma, ma'am. This here is Tobias Manning territory.
You want tribute? Money?
Why in particular... That fat gold chain will do just fine, unless you got somethin' else you want to give--
[Wild West Robber screams]
Those are the biggest, slowest bullets I've ever seen.
You're letting them go?
Hm? Oh, no.
I was afraid of this. The Elkhorn Gazette. It's either an amazing forgery, or it's less than a month old.
So?
Look at the date. [reading]: June, 1879.
I have mentioned how much I hate time travel.
If we don't find our sneak thief, we're stuck here.
Let's head for the nearest town. See if we can find him.
We can't go anywhere dressed like this.
No. We can't.
Which I'd suspect is most of it, what with him being so mule-stupid and all.
It's been horrible here. Humiliating. I just want to go home. I'll gladly take my punishment if you help me get back.
How did Tobias take over a whole town with a time machine?
Future tech, like his extra-dimensional six-gun.
And his surveillance cameras. We need to go. Now.
You're with us.
That's a healthy gal.
I've got their positions. I'm gonna take 'em down.
Don't hurt anyone. We could accidentally change history.
Little late for that, don't you think?
Go ahead. Give me an excuse.
Something's happening out there.
Something's happening, all right. The cavalry's arrived.
Who are you people?
Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith.
El Diablo, ever at the service of justice.
Jonah Hex. Don't have a lot of time for jawing. In these parts, there's an abundance of bad men who need setting straight.
If you all are working for Tobias, there's gonna be difficulty.
Easy, Jonah - they're with me. They helped me out of a spot while I was here incognito tryin' to find out more about Tobias.
What have you learned?
Among other moral failings, the man cheats at poker.
[scoffs] I could have told you that. [hacks and spits]
Why don't you start from the begining?
I've lived in Elkhorn since the war and sheriffed most of that time. This here's a mining town, booming too. Folks sometimes get a mite rowdy on payday, but still, it's a good place to live. There's never been any mischief here I couldn't handle until about six months ago. Tobias Manning's always been trouble. I've run him out of town before. Well, he came back, except this time he had... I don't know, magic powers.
There's no such thing as magic, my friend. It was some sort of trickery.
Well, he tricked me near to death.
[Ohiyesa Smith grunting]
He whipped me good. Ran me out of town like a stray dog. He took over the down. Runs it like his own personal kingdom. Treats the town people like slaves. That's unacceptable to me.
The sheriff went looking for men who would help take Tobias down. He found us.
What's your stake in this?
We're lawmen, too.
From back east?
Sure.
We came here to bring this man to justice. Indirectly, he's the source of your trouble, too.
Tobias stole a weapon from him. It's the source of his magic.
We'll need to take that weapon back.
Since we all want pretty much the same thing, we should work togheter.
I ain't about to turn down help.
What's the plan?
Plan? Heh. We put him in the ground. Fancy gun belt you got there. I'm thinking you folks are time travelers.
Where would you get a crazy idea like that?
Experience. I've had an interesting life.
We're getting close. I wanna warn you, there's some downright unusual activity going on hereabouts. Don't let it throw you.
Don't worry about it. We've got a lot of experience with unusual-- [a cowboy riding a pterodactyl flies towards them] I'm sorry. You were saying?
We've been sighted. They'll be ready for us.
I sincerely doubt that.
The shots are spooking the horses!
The shots are spooking me!
Hey, tinhorn!
Tobias!
If it isn't Pow Wow Smith. Wasn't expecting to see your sorry hide again.
I've told you before about calling me that. It ain't gonna happen again.
No. I expect this is the last time. Go for your gun, chief, so I can ventilate you proper.
Six guns. Six of us. Nobody miss.
My guns!
You and me, partner. Right now.
Another day, lawman. Nova!
Let him. Man needs to balance his own accounts.
Have it your way. Let's finish this.
This what you're looking for?
Near as my ring can figure, that's everything that shouldn't be here.
Shoot. I wanted me one of them fancy ray guns.
Ain't dependable. They jam.
Oh, you forgot to reset the compensator. Here. Let me.
[David Clinton grunting]
Or maybe I'm lying.
[David Clinton laughing]
Huh.
We've been expecting you.
But I bet you weren't expecting us.
Static? What's going on?
Dad?
We need to get out of here.
Leaving so soon? You didn't even take any party favors.
Incoming! That's not gonna hold.
Where do you think you're going, sugar?
Look, Dee Dee, another Green Lantern. He's much cuter than the last one we killed, don't you think, Dee Dee?
How'd you?
Ow.
[Woof laughing]
[Warhawk screaming]
Hold still so I can pound you.
Yeah, that's what I'll do.
[Batman II screaming]
Hey! What's the big idea? You shouldn't ought to have done that.
We're getting out of here now. Not a chance. Hold the line.
He's right. We're the Justice League. We don't run from a fight.
I don't remember putting this up for a vote.
Keep your head in the game. There's always a way. Virgil! I need some cover.
They're gone, Dee Dee. Bet I know which way they went, Dee Dee.
After 'em!
I think we've lost them.
Where are we headed? The Watchtower?
Not exactly.
This is Justice League headquarters?
For now. We're all that's left of the League.
You've traveled about fifteen years into your future.
Last time I saw you, you were too young to drive. You look good for a man your age.
The miracles of modern medicine. Sixty-five is the new thirty.
And the Watchtower? :Batman II: It's gone. We lost a lot of good people that day.
You mean, Superman, J'onn, all the others? :Warhawk: Yeah. You too.
And the bat cave? :Old Bruce Wayne: This is all we have left now. Deal with it. Surprised to see me?
A little. I'm more surprised that I lived so long.
Batman, Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne, Batman. Or have you met?
[in unison] Not now.
Great. What did they used to call it? Stereo?
This is a little weird for everybody. I'm Warhawk. Rex Stewart.
Your mother. Who is she?
Kind of obvious, don't you think?
Even if it isn't, leave it be. You don't wanna know too much about your future.
Trust me, you really don't.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Justice League Unlimited pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
