JPod quotes

Ethan

Hi, I'm Ethan Jarlewski. I work here in the jPod as the Gore Specialist. Basically I find new ways of inserting carnage and violence in video games while conforming to quality codes.

Dude that's so boring. Talk about your love life.

Ethan

I'm not talking about my love life. My favourite room temperature is... This is pretty good. Cowboy where are we at now?

21.7 degrees Celsius.

Ethan

Make that 71 degrees Fahrenheit. I hate metric. I don't want to talk about it.

Talk about your love life.

Ethan

Okay, my love life. I've had my heart broken twice and lately I've been wondering if there is even such a thing as "The One" and that scares me. And that's enough of that. Happy, Cowboy! (gets up). So yeah Steve I'm here to serve your vision. We here at Jpod are a go get and bunch.

Ethan

(whispering) Kill that Cowboy.

Carol

Meet "The Dude." I named it after Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski. Shaggy. Gruff. Loveable. And not for sale. It's the crowning glory of my genetic theories.

Carol

Well finally, something wholesome! Honestly, Steven, we didn't raise him with restricted television privileges just so he could develop a disturbing interest in carnage.

Alright, Steven Lefkowitz. Dude, check this out, this guys a hugger!

John Doe

What?

Look at this, he's on the board of a cuddling club.

John Doe

Man, that is sick!

I thought I recognized him...

John Doe

What do you mean you recognized him?

I ju-just knew I'd seen before...

Gang, gang, gang, all this negative talk is killing my creative spark, so here's the deal. My son Connor loves turtles, therefore my first Neutronic Arts release will have a lovable shelled reptile on the cover.

Ethan

Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.

Carol

C'mon Ethan you're the gore specialist.

Ethan

Video games aren't real. This is a real live dead body.

Carol

And you think I don't know that! He was under my eyes when he died. Well at least he isn't punctured or bleeding or anything.

Ethan

Mom!

Carol

Oh yes Ethan I know its horrible. I killed a man in that basement.

Ethan

Ugh, mom don't look.

Carol

What is it.

Ethan

Birds chewed out his eyeballs.

Ethan

Mom, we can't just leave him out here as a smorgasbord for wild animals. We got to do what people do with dead bodies. We have to bury it.

Carol

Well then lets hop to it.

Ethan

But I'm getting a server upgrade.

Carol

Ethan! If you were in this situation, I'd find a good place to bury you.

Ethan

Gee, thanks.

Greg

He says that's his lamp.

Ethan

I bought that on sale at Pottery Plantation!

Greg

Uh, I mean he actually made it in his factory south of Beijing.

Ethan

Greg's trafficking in humans, this doesn't bother you?

Carol

Ethan, you're a grown man, don't be a nark, no one likes a nark.

(whispering to Ethan) NARK!

Ethan

I don't need your help Greg (takes Greg's cellphone) I'm going to call this "Kam Fong"

Kam Fong! I beep, you talk!

Ethan

Hello this is Ethan, Greg's brother. Thank you for the furniture but I am still in my Ikea stage of life. I didn't ask for this, I don't need it, and I don't want it.

Greg

Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble!

Greg

Kam Fong! Alright I will tell him.