Carol Jarlewski quotes from JPod

Carol

Meet "The Dude." I named it after Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski. Shaggy. Gruff. Loveable. And not for sale. It's the crowning glory of my genetic theories.

Carol

Well finally, something wholesome! Honestly, Steven, we didn't raise him with restricted television privileges just so he could develop a disturbing interest in carnage.

Carol

If only our love were this springtime fresh...and free of static cling.

Carol

My father always used to say there is two things a man should keep clean. His gun and his conscience. Course I'd add underwear and bed clothes to that list. And teeth. Teeth are very important.

Ethan

Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.

Carol

C'mon Ethan you're the gore specialist.

Ethan

Video games aren't real. This is a real live dead body.

Carol

And you think I don't know that! He was under my eyes when he died. Well at least he isn't punctured or bleeding or anything.

Ethan

Mom!

Carol

Oh yes Ethan I know its horrible. I killed a man in that basement.

Ethan

Ugh, mom don't look.

Carol

What is it.

Ethan

Birds chewed out his eyeballs.

Ethan

Mom, we can't just leave him out here as a smorgasbord for wild animals. We got to do what people do with dead bodies. We have to bury it.

Carol

Well then lets hop to it.

Ethan

But I'm getting a server upgrade.

Carol

Ethan! If you were in this situation, I'd find a good place to bury you.

Ethan

Gee, thanks.

Ethan

Greg's trafficking in humans, this doesn't bother you?

Carol

Ethan, you're a grown man, don't be a nark, no one likes a nark.

(whispering to Ethan) NARK!