(enters the classroom) Good afternoon, everyone. (starts to walk towards the front of the classroom) Let's start with silent reading-- chapters one through eleven. (Joe and the other students open the books but Joe hits politely Kevin) (Kevin gives Joe a whole roll of bubble wrap and Joe starts popping it but Abby is flipping pages from her book then she and the other students turn their head around to the back of classroom to see Joe popping bubble wrap)
(raises his hand) It's me, Ms. Snart. (chuckles) (he gets up from his desk while holding the bubble wrap and starts to leave) I'll just send myself to detention.
Actually, I was gonna send this to my grandma for for her birthday. (walks to Joe and takes the bubble wrap from him) You just save me a trip from the post office! You may skip homework for the next three days! (pats Joe's chin then walks away) (students murmuring) (Abby gasps and Ms. Snart walks back to the front of the classroom then Joe is sitting at his desk and he looks at Abby but she turns her head to the front of the classroom)
You know what, everyone? (tells the students) Joe has made me so happy. I'm gonna give a pop quiz. (students groan) (hands out pop quizzes to students) That sound is the sweet nectar that I thrive on. (Joe is feeling down) (Ms. Snart is rolling the present with bubble wrap)
(shouts) (Ms. Snart looks at the back of the classroom) Hey, Kevin, what did you get on question number three? (Abby turns around to the back of the classroom) I'd really like you to tell me the answer to that.
(walks to the back of the classroom) Eyes on your own paper! (whispers) It's "mitosis." (walks away) (Kevin writes down the answer then Abby shakes her head and rolls her eyes) (Joe is still disappointed because he is unable to get detention)
Oh, that's me. (picks up his backpack from the floor) (takes out a juice box) Nope. (takes out the pink balloon and the yellow balloon) Huh. No. (takes out the electric toothbrush) Hello? (chuckles) (groans) (takes out the fishbowl with fishes) How are you guys doing? (takes his cellphone out of his backpack and sets it back on the floor) Hello. You've got Joe. No. (Ms. Snart notices that he is disturbing the class again and she walks to the back of the classroom) This is a perfectly good time. I'm just hanging out at school. (chuckles)
Is that the new JONAS ringtone? (Kevin is annoyed) Can you beam it to my phone?
(takes the phone away from his ear) Sure.
(sighs) (she is disgusted by the way Ms. Snart is treating Joe then she rolls her eyes and turns to the front)
(walks on grass) It’s just like whatever I try, I just can’t get detention.
Just give me the word, man. I can have twenty goats here by lunch.
Hello, Vice-Principal Smetzer.
Don't try to charm me, mister. I'm not impressed by your rock and roll dimples. (points to a sign) Willful disobedience of school signage. (he gives Joe a detention slip) Detention! (he leaves)
Oh, yes. (he and Kevin high five each other)
(walks under the net with the notepad) Okay, that rules out anything that requires a racquet, (reads the notepad) any kind of ball, an opponent, a scoring system or movement of limbs.
There has got to be something that I can do. Ooh, what about "bow and arrows?" (drops the two racquets on the floor and takes one of the bow and arrow)
If you mean archery, that requires strength, and discipline and precision. And even if you had strength, and discipline, you'd still need precision.
How hard can this be? (trying archery but she fails again and she falls)
Well, that was very good for a beginner!
(tells Nick to how to hang the painting while Nick holds it) Okay, a little higher on the left. Lower on the left. Up a little bit on the left. A little down on the left. A little up on the left. Almost there. Almost there! No. Down on the left. Nick, is this my left or your left, you're looking at?
It's the same left! (Joe runs upstairs excitedly)
Yes! I got detention tomorrow! (tells Nick and Kevin) Now Abby will see I get punished like everybody else. Plus once she's in there, she'll be a captive audience. Ha! She'll have to listen to me.
Whoa whoa whoa. What do you mean tomorrow?
You know, the day after today or the day before two days from now.
Also known as the same day, we have to record the vocals for the new record or we miss the deadline.
Oh, I forgot about that. (Kevin pats Joe on the back of the shoulder) Nick, I think a little up to the right.
Would somebody please give me something to hang this with? (sick of holding the painting then an arrow pins it and he notices that) Thanks. (Nick, Joe and Kevin sees the hole in the window that the arrow made)
How'd I do? (Macy looks at the hole and Stella asks her but Macy doesn't say a word) (Macy looks at Stella then she looks at the window again)
Hi. I got detention for you.
Yeah, I remember. That's why all my friends are at the mall and I'm not.
(tells Abby) I meant I got myself detention because I accidentally got you detention. I just wanted a chance to explain things. All right my brothers and I are regular guys with regular dreams. Hold on a second. (lifts his backpack up to take the lyric sheet under it the he turns around to the student behind him and puts the lyric sheet on the student's desk) Can you take it from the bridge? (asks the student to play the song and the same student plays the song on the violin) You see, we come from a small town in New Jersey. (door opens) We didn't grow up with much-- just love and fresh air. (door slams) (playing different music)
Welcome to detention. I see you're getting to know one another... (chuckles) Which is odd because (shouts) there's no talking in detention! Luckily, I do have a solution. (moves Joe and his desk to the back of the classroom then Mr. Smetzer takes an empty desk to the front where Joe's desk was)
No-- But-- (Abby is smiling)
No arguing. Also no texting. No note passing. And no morse code, Gary! (shows Gary is morse coding then he picks it up and hides it in his sweater vest)
I want complete and utter silence in this room. Am I understood? (Mr. Smetzer walks to the front and slides an empty desk to the front where Joe's desk was) I am going to be in my office. (tells the students)
That was a trick question. I said SILENCE! (yells at Joe's ear)
(he walks to the front and slides an empty desk to the front where Joe's desk was) I am going to be in my office. (tells the students) But don't try any malarkey. One peep and you'll spend the next four weekends helping the school janitors scoop squirrels out of the pool filter. (opens the door and leaves) That's right. (appears behind the teacher's desk) I'm quick and I'm quiet so don't try any malarkey. (walks to the door and leaves then quietly appears behind the map) I'm like a detention ninja. (appears at the other side of the map) I could show up anywhere. (he leaves) (taps Joe from behind)
Oh, yeah. (swiftly runs out of the classroom then Joe looks at Abby and pulls up a notepad with "hi" written on it but Abby shows Joe a notebook with the picture of her sticking her tongue out)
Okay. (he puts his notepad on his desk)
And surprisingly, no to hopscotch. (marks off the list)
Okay. How am I supposed to bend down and pick something up while I'm standing up on one foot? I mean, what am I, a spider monkey?
That's every sport recognized by the school district.
No no no no no no. No, Macy, that can't be! If I don't pass p.e., I'm goona have to make this up in summer school. (stands up) There has to be some sport I can get credit for! Like, what about-- What about this? (cleps hands above head) Isn't this a sport?
No, that's clapping your hands over your head.
I'm not sure what that is, but you're scaring me!
Huh? (Stella puts one hand on her head and one hand on her stomach)
I can do this! (she pats her head and stomach at the same time)
No, you can't. It's like this. (shows Stella the right way to do it)
(walks to her chair but she falls) I can't even sit.
(gasps) (Nick and Kevin suddenly appear next to Joe) Where'd you guys come from?
A small town in New Jersey. (puts his guitar on a desk)
(speaks on the microphone) What's up, troublemakers?
What are you guys doing here?
We have to record the new vocals.
The record label needs it by the end of the day today.
If Mr. Smetzer hears me, I'm getting suspended.
That's a chance I'm willing to take. (puts his hand on Joe's shoulder)
Me too. (he puts his hand on Joe's shoulder)
Oh, thanks a lot, guys. Fine, I'll do it, okay? Just gotta talk to Abby first. (he is about get up from his desk but Kevin and Nick sits Joe back down)
Your apologies take forever. We'll talk to her for you.
Wait. Guys-- (Nick and Kevin walk to Abby's desk) (Joe is putting his head down then he puts his head up)
(introducing himself and Kevin to Abby) Hi. Nick. Kevin. Look, Joe feels really bad about getting you in trouble. He wants to apologize.
Oh, so he sent over two spokesmodels? (looks at Joe) Wow, must be nice not to do any dirty work yourself.
Oh, look, the chapter's about forgiveness. (he and Nick walk back to Joe)
I don't get it. Why do you wanna to go out with... her?
I don't wanna go out with her.
(opens the door and enters the classroom) Did I hear talking? (shuts the door) Mmm. Something's not right here. Mmm... (looks to the left then the right) Aha! (Joe is afraid that his brothers will be caught by Mr. Smetzer) (laughs) (walks to the back) Yes. (turns the poster but Joe and Abby are smiling) There we are.
Stella, I'm sorry. I feel like I let you down.
(puts her head up) No no no no. You did everything you could. You're amazing. It's not you, it's me. I'm a failure.
Stella, you are not failure. Sports just aren't your thing.
All right. I've gotta go. I've got volleyball practice. (stands up and takes her gym bag) And, we haven't won a game all season.
Well, it's no wonder. I mean, look at your uniforms. The shorts are bulky, the top is too tight.
I know. Every time I wear this, I sweat like a pig. I mean, I glisten like a pig.
Well, yeah, that's because that kind of fabric doesn't breathe. (stands up and walks to Macy) Not to mention the frumpy factor. I mean, if you don't look good, you're not going to play good.
(gets out of his desk and walks to Abby's desk then kneels down but Abby still won't talk to Joe) Hey, Abby. Abby? Abby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you think I get special treatment around here because I really don't. I mean, the only person in the whole school who gives me special treatment is Ms. Snart. If it's anybody but her, I get punished like everybody else.
(opens the door and enters the classroom) Hello. (Joe gets off his knees then groans and walks to the back of the classroom) I'm filling in for Vice-Principal Smetzer who had to go home for a family emergency. His mother's bath was overflowing. (Joe is crouching down to his desk but Ms. Snart sees him) Joe! What are you doing here? (Joe sits down at his desk) (she walks to Nick and Kevin and hugs them) And the two-thirds remaining JONAS! Did you prank up some mischief, you little rascals? (Joe puts his head down on his desk)
(enters) Stella, I have great news! I talked to my volleyball coach about the frumpy uniforms that are making us lose. And she said if you can design 12 new uniforms by game-time tomorrow, she can give you full p.e. credit.
Macy, I love you! Thank you! Thank you. (both yelp) (Macy and Stella hug)
You're welcome! So can you do it?
Just watch me. (drops the net) But first... I need some dynamic music. (rock music playing)
Stella, this is amazing. Look how free I am-- yet, as cute as a button. (sighs) Whoever said you aren't an athlete hasn't seen you with a pair of scissors and measuring tape.
Thanks, Macy. Coming from you, that means a lot to me.
SMStella and Macy
Aww. (they hug then let go)
(sighs) So one down, 11 more to go, right?
Oh, yeah. (she and Macy continue to make the uniforms)
(tells the students) Now before taking over for Mr. Smetzer, I was helping out at the varsity girls' swim team victory party. So I need someone to go pass out pizza and towels. Any volunteers?(Abby and the other students raise their hands) (Joe picks up his folder and opens it then he hides his face with it) Mm, eenie meenie miney Joe! (picks Joe then he closes his folder) Have fun!
You know what I think? I should probably stay here. (Abby turns around and looks at Joe) I mean, I walked on grass. I should think about what I've done.
Are you disobeying the direct order from a teacher?
Yes, I am. (stands up from his desk and Abby is proud of him) And I think you should give me more detention.
(turns around to the back of the classroom and talks to Joe) Wait. You really don't expect special treatment?
No. Abby, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
Cool. I'm impressed. (she smiles at Joe and he smiles then he sits back down)
Do I have another volunteer?
(raises her hand) I'll do it!
Have fun. And when the party's over, grab a gift and just go on home. (Abby stands up from her desk and walks to the back of the classroom)
See ya! (Kevin opens the door for Abby and she leaves)
That girl is just no good. (closes the door) (Nick stands up)
I know Joe doesn't want any special treatment, but we kind of have a new song to finish recording. (Joe looks at Nick) Do you mind we do it in here?
Do I mind? (Stands up) This is a detention room, young man. I can't believe you even asked me that.
The acoustics are way better in the hall! You rapscallion.
(painting a picture) Now this is how we should spend on a Saturday. No recordings, no detention. Nick, can you move a little bit to the left? (asks Nick to go little to the left) Perfect. (continues painting)
(playing checkers by himself) Yes! (stands up and walks to the other side of the checkerboard and tells Nick to watch him) Hey, Nick, keep an eye on me. I think I'm cheating.
Voila! My masterpiece-- She is finished! (Joe stands up and Nick closes the book then runs up to Kevin)
Whoa. Very realistic, Kevin.
So I sat and held that book all day for this? I'm not even in it.
(points to the painting of his finger) That's my finger! (disappointed)
You recognized it! I'm better than I thought. (rock music playing) (Joe walks away from Kevin and Nick) (Kevin paints a little bit more)
Joe! (passes the ball to Joe)
Kevin! (passes the ball to Kevin) (grunts)
(throws the ball to the celiing) Oh!(he, Joe and Nick look at the ceiling) Uh-oh! It is nice that we have high ceilings in this house. We should totally put a trampoline in the middle of our room.
That would be awesome! We could somersault into bed, or back flip into the bathroom.
Guys, do you really think that's a good idea? Think. Think hard.
No. (he, Joe and Nick back away from each other and play Hacky Sack)
Why, so you can kick it into oblivion again?
I can't help it if my leg muscles are like crouching tigers. I had an off kick. It happens to the best of us.
And by "best" you mean "worst"?
By "worst", you mean "best"? (he and Nick are staring at each other) I bet you I can hack the sack longer than you can.
You're on... Let's go... Right now.
House rules...two feet...No arms.
Why are...we talking...so weird?
Good point...let's stop...right now.
Are you ready now? (holds the ball) (Asian flute music playing)
No. I have to prepare. I need to hone in on my razor-sharp reflexes.
(gong chimes) (Joe is shocked) (Kevin catches the ball) One nano second off. I gotta work on that. (snorts) (leaves)
(runs to Kevin and Nick) Guys, guess what. Today's our anniversary.
(he and Nick stand up) Aw. hug it out. (he and Nick are hugging Joe) Bring it in. Feels good. Aw, love it.
You guys have no idea what anniversary I'm talking about? Do you?
Nope. (he and Nick stop hugging Joe)
Never claimed to. (he and Kevin sit back down)
Guys, it's the anniversary of when we first met Stella.
Wow. Time flies. Feels like yesterday that wittle Stella waddled into our wives. Sowwy.
Any reason why you happen to know the exact date when we met Stella?
Yeah, Joe. Thub-thub, thub-thub--
Guys, I remember all important dates that have to do with our friends and family.
Of course you do, yeah. When's my birthday?
Guys, it doesn't matter how I remembered. The important thing about remembering is that I remembered. (Stella enters)
Hey, Stella. Do you remember what today is?
Oh, yeah. It's be kind to chipmunks day.
Good 'cause I got an extra acorn for everybody. (gives an acorn to Nick then Nick throws it away)
Oh no no no, wait-- unless these t-shirts answer your question. (shows the gray t-shirt) It's our "15-year friend-a-versary."
KNKevin and Nick
Happy friend-a-versary!
15 years ago today, I spilled chocolate milk all over my shirt and you were the only person that didn't laugh at me.
Well, I mean, how could I laugh? Someone had to blot out your corduroy jumper with seltzer.
Well, think about it, if you guys didn't meet, you guys wouldn't have become friends, That why you wouldn't become our stylist which means we would probably be walking on the streets looking like this.
It was a good thing that I came along.
Yeah, I mean, we need you like the winter needs the spring.
Or an ice cream cone needs sprinkles.
Like a pirate needs a hook for a hand, an eye-patch, and a parrot. Wow you need a lot of things to be a pirate.
