Jeeves and Wooster Season 1 quotes

Bertie Wooster

During that sojourn in Cannes, my affections were engaged elsewhere.

Tuppy Glossop

What?

Bertie Wooster

My affections. Engaged elsewhere, during that sojourn.

Tuppy

[angrily] Well, who was she?

Bertie Wooster

My dear Tuppy, does one bandy a woman's name?

Tuppy

One does if one doesn't want one's ruddy head pulled off! [approaches menacingly]

Bertie Wooster

Well, yes, right, yes, well, obviously this is a...a special case. Madeline Bassett.

Tuppy

[astonished] You're in love with that weird Gawd-help-us Bassett!?

Bertie Wooster

Well, I don't think you should call her a weird Gawd-help-us, Tuppy. Odd in some of her views, perhaps. One does not quite see eye-to-eye with her in the matter of stars and bunny rabbits. But not a weird Gawd-help-us.

Tuppy

And you stick to it that you're in love with her?

Bertie Wooster

It is not twenty-four hours since she turned me down.

Tuppy Glossop

Turned you down?

Bertie Wooster

Like a bedspread. In this very garden. So, you'll see, I can't be the chap, if any, who stole Angela from you in Cannes.

Tuppy Glossop

Well, because your affections were engaged elsewhere...

Bertie Wooster

During that sojourn.

Tuppy

Hmm, I see. All right then. Sorry to have troubled you.

Gussie Fink-Nottle

So, you've won the Scripture Knowledge prize, have you, G.G. Simmons?

Sir, yes, sir.

Gussie Fink-Nottle

Yes, you look just the sort of little tick who would.

Bertie Wooster

So! It appears that you've gone and got engaged to the Gussie.

Quite right. We're in love.

Bertie Wooster

Oh, come now, Angela. Gussie's... Gussie's a splendid chap in many ways. If you've got a sick newt on your hands, well, Gussie's just the fellow to tell you what to do until the doctor comes. But honestly, old thing, you could fling bricks by the half-hour in England's most densely populated districts without hitting one girl willing to become Mrs. Fink-Nottle without a general anesthetic.

Well, I thought it would be fun!

Bertie Wooster

Well, I'm surprised at you, young Angela. No wonder they say, "Oh, woman, woman!"

Who do?

Bertie Wooster

...Well, chaps, supposedly. You know you're potty about Tuppy!

For goodness's sake, Bertie, go away and boil your head!

Bertie Wooster

Well, now, Angela, if you'll permit me to observe…!

No!

Bertie Wooster

Very well, then. I shall say no more. [gets up to leave, then pauses in the doorway] Just... tinkety-tonk!

Jeeves

Gentlemen who are discarded by one young lady are apt to attach themselves without delay to another, sir. It is what is known as a gesture. My uncle George...

Bertie Wooster

Oh, never mind your uncle George, Jeeves.

Jeeves

No, sir.

Bertie Wooster

Save him for the long winter evenings, eh?

Jeeves

Just as you say, sir.

Jeeves

I hope you won't take it amiss, sir, but I've been giving some attention to what might be called the "amatory entanglements" at Brinkley. It seems to me that drastic measures may be called for.

Bertie Wooster

[sighs audibly] Drastic away, Jeeves. The prospect of being united for life with a woman who talks about "little baby bunnies" fills me with an unnamed dread.