JAG quotes

The navy doesn't reprimand its skippers for asserting American naval superiority. It basically comes down to who has the biggest…

Ship?

Something like that, yeah.

She's a Marine?

God bless America.

Can we be charged with mutiny on a foreign vessel, Commander?

No. This would be considered an act of terrorism.

How long have you been standing there?

Long enough.

Long enough for what?

Long enough for me to realize that you are unlike any woman I have ever met. Yet not quite long enough for me to fall in love with you.

Does that line work on Russian women?

Not very often. But I have had limited success with it in the lower Balkans.

Tell Captain McNamara that I will miss our games. We were never good friends, but we were the best of enemies.

Oh, my goodness. The Admiral sent Sarah MacKenzie.

You nervous already?

And why would I be nervous?

Well, you know, I have beaten you before.

That doesn't count. I dropped that case.

Yeah, you keep dreaming, flyboy.

Payday was the worst. He'd go to the NCO Club with his buddies and most of the time they'd have to drive him because he was too drunk to drive himself.

Mac, you don't have to…

Yes, I do. My mother would help him in, and he'd flop on the couch and yell for me to take off his shoes. He reeked of cigarette and stale beer, and sometimes something worse. Then the yelling would start. And then the slapping. And then the sobbing. His. I don't know which was worse, his hitting or his sobbing that he was sorry. She left him. And me with him.

Defending Western civilization makes people horny.

She did good today.

Oh, Major MacKensize? Yes sir! She was great, sensational, terrific! She really did a a good job.

I said good, Bud, not the Second Coming.

Oh, yes sir.

Uh, I think that might be for me, sir! Yes! Lieutenant J.G. Roberts, that's my name!

Yes, that's you, Bud. Are you OK, Bud?

Ens. Harriet Sims

Could I ask you a question, sir?

Sure, fire away.

Ens. Harriet Sims

Lieutenant Roberts…Bud…um…(loudly) Why are men such jerks!?

Ens. Harriet Sims

I am so sorry sir! That just popped right out of my…I'm so! That is not like me, sir! That will not happen again, I'm so sorry! (she starts to leave)

It's okay, Harriet! You want to talk about it?

Yours is not to reason why, yours is but...to do research.

Harm, Bud’s been at it nonstop for 32 hours and 24 minutes.

How do you do that?

My mother’s Swiss.

I wouldn't have bet anyone can confine you to a hospital bed for two days.

I slept the first day. After that the nurse threatened to tie me down if I so much as stuck my nose out the door.

Ooh, kinky.

Yellow light, Major.

Oh, c'mon, Harm. Haven't we reached the point where we can drop the traffic signals?

Absolutely. I ever tell you why a female Marine is like the energizer bunny?

On second thought, let's not.

You willing to let all this come out at trial?

What, that your client is a liar and an adulterer?

That my client is a victim of selective prosecution. I checked the records, Mac. There were four other male officers at Camp Pendleton guilty of the same infraction as Lt. Gilbert. None of those cases went to court. One officer was transferred to another command, two received reprimands, and the fourth left the service with an honorable discharge. There's a different set of rules for Lt. Gilbert because she is a woman.

Well, how many of them were given a direct order to stop the affair?

None! That's my point. C'mon, Mac, give her a break.

Harm, I may want to give her a break, but that is not my job. (mimicking Harm's statement from earlier:) 'Lt. Gilbert deserves a full and fair hearing just like everyone else, no matter how the chips fall, no special pleading, and no playing the gender card.'

You remember everything I say?

Only the good stuff.

So, you wanna tell me about Col. Farrow?

He was CO of Headquarters in Okinawa. I was his admin officer. How'd you know?

Your mouth does a funny little upturn thing when you're hiding something. So what's he like?

Excellent leader, honorable man. Overall, an outstanding officer.

What else?

What, what else?

Your mouth's doing that funny thing again.

Col. Farrow is the reason I’m a lawyer. The corps put me through law school based on his recommendation.

That's it?

What are you looking for?

Nothing. I just wanna make sure we're entering this inquiry with an open mind.

My mind's open. (walks into her office, closes the door, but opens it again sticking her head out) But if the politicians want a scapegoat, I'll be damned if I give them Col. Farrow.

Just as long as you have an open mind.