IZombie · Season 1
Okay, yeah, there's a new player. A mystery man with a new product. Lucky U. It's the sickest Utopium out there. Totally uncut, insane high. And cheap. The bunk I'm slinging's got more steps than Helen Keller in a corn maze.
Tell me more about this mystery man.
It's like you don't know what the word mystery means.
Why are we sprinting?
Because I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything lately.
I was afraid that horny-librarian-brain would lead to poor life choices.
Hey, why don't we send him some really embarrassing magazine subscriptions, huh?
'Chub Hub.' Or 'Bathhouse Monthly.'
Or, wait. What's that really freaky one you like?
'Slow Torture and Gardens'?
You don't mind me staying in your hair a little longer?
I do mind. Yeah, you know... But Nietzsche taught us that to live is to suffer.
I saw things at that boat party. Things that still haunt me. I spent a couple weeks shivering in a dark room, and I decided it was a sign that I needed a change.
A sign, huh? You think God was so desperate for you to change your ways that he slaughtered all those innocent people to make a point?
Well, we're talking about the same guy that thought Noah's Ark was a solid plan
Geo-whatting?
Geocaching. It's a real world outdoor treasure hunting game. Strangers leave caches, post the GPS coordinates, and then people like us go out and find them. That's what we were doing.
What sort of treasures?
Oh! Let's see. Uh, Matchbox cars, sets of crayons.
Yeah. I found a wheat penny once.
So treasures for children.
It's more about the joy of discovery. Why do men climb mountains, Clive?
Because it tests their endurance, their courage, their sense of themselves as men? Oh, I'm sorry. Were you drawing a comparison?
[first lines]
[Major and Ravi dig in the open field in search of the Utopium on the dead body] Ravi! Ravi! [Ravi takes his headphones off] We did it! There he is! Zombie cure, here we come!
It isn't one of our guys. Ours has been dead for nearly two years. This one's only a couple of months gone.
Then who is this?
I'll run this by Bozzio.
[Ravi whispers] If she bears your children, you'll start using her first name, right?
These brains, man. You handed me a Holocaust survivor. Do you want me to describe some of my visions to you?
She was a classical violinist. Go out and impress some ladies.
[Miss Shaefer sees the body] Oh! Oh, this jackass.
You do know him?
Kind of. His name's Corey. I hooked up with him a couple months ago. Dick never called me again.
Possibly because he was dead.
Yeah. You're right. That's probably why. 'Cause I know he had a good time.
[Blaine and Chief stand over the coffin Major's nailed shut in]
[Major continues to thump for help] Should we see what he wants? I sure don't want my hole to go to waste. [Blaine gets a text message from Chief] Yeah, Chief. "That's what she said." Don't bother.
Hey, Liv. What's up?
Clive didn't tell you? About my lottery ticket?
First I've heard of it.
I hit five out of six numbers, and I only missed the sixth by one. I was this close to $40 million.
Five out of six numbers, I think that still wins you 50 grand or something like that.
Oh shoot! Why did I tear up my ticket? I just was so mad. Live and learn, I guess.
That's very Zen of you.
[Liv smiles] Well, back to the salt mines.
What am I looking at, Ravi?
Matricide. These six young zombie rats are clones of New Hope. The remains you see here are those of the mother that gave birth to them. Apparently, the little clones decided it was time to switch from mother's milk to brains.
Why the clones?
When we find the tainted Utopium, I'd prefer to test on rats, normal and zombie, rather than humans. New Hope, like Blaine and Major, became a zombie and was given the cure. Her clone should give us the most accurate picture of what Blaine and Major can expect. I'd hate to lose a perfectly good zombie rat.
I know it's hard to feel bad for someone that grew up with a nanny but I hope no one is picturing Mary Poppins here.
I invented the Orgasm, Clive. Amaretto. Irish Cream Whiskey. Coffee Liqueur. That was me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's IZombie pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
