I never statutory raped anyone before.
TTrey
Oh...okay, I'll tell you what: let's just take it slow.
You are so sweet...where were you when I was in high school?
TTrey
I was eight.
Right...Yeah...
S1 E3Underage Drinking: A National Concern
That's Tammy, Trey's ex girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Marine Cannalan said that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timmy at a party, but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous because she thought Trey secretly liked Erin Hennebrary. But Trey didn't like Erin Hennebrary, it was all a bunch of bull.
[Sweet Dee approaches]
Whats going on here? Who is that?
That's Tammy, Trey's ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy.Trey broke up with Tammy because Marine-
Ok, you know what dude you gotta stop.
S1 E4Charlie Has Cancer
I don't get it Sweet Dee, There are tons of women in this city; where do they mate with these gorrillas?
They're at velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.
Oh I see.
Dennis, our bar is in south Philly in a scary alley...might as well call it "Rape Bar."
Look, the girl, she wears a Lance Armstrong bracelet, ok? So I tell you I have cancer, right? Then you're gonna tell her, she's going to feel sorry for me, we're going to start dating, and that's the way the lie works!
That's a horrible thing to do!
Well, I'm a bad guy then!
You are a bad guy! You lied to us!
All right look at this, sometimes you've got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.
You've got to crack a couple eggs to make an omelet?
Yeah, you gotta crack an egg.
So you're throwing down life lessons now?
I'm throwing down eggs!
Class is in session, the teacher's teaching class now!
I'm cracking eggs of wisdom!
S1 E5Gun Fever
We talked about it, and we decided that we need to get rid of that gun.
Oh, oh, the gun...yeah, we're getting rid of the gun.
You could have been killed. Dennis could have killed you.
Okay, good, yes, I think that would be for the best... ah...mm...Dee, could you get me a nurse?
Yeah, sure. [exits]
Tell me we're not getting rid of that gun.
No way!
[pulls gun out of his pants] Never.
Oh my God, Charlie, I shot you in your head! I am so sorry!
We're really sorry Charlie, but it was dark, we didn't know it was you... and you were robbing the register.
Yeah... still wish you hadn't shot me.
S1 E6The Gang Finds a Dead Guy
Oh, you are being ridiculous. He's a professional football player.
No, look, I'm not talking about killing the guy. I'm just talking about going up there with a group of dudes and intimidate him, maybe break his arm.
You can't break Tom Brady's arm.
Oh yes, I can! No more Super Bowls for that pretty boy.
I have a little bit of a problem with old people...I find them kinda creepy...and scary. And gross, kinda gross. It's their hands really, you can see right through 'em and all their inside business.
[To Dennis handing him a photo] : Dude, Your Grandpa's a Nazi!
That bitch is dead.
That guy is dead.
S1 E7Charlie Got Molested
OK, OK. First of all, there are people out there who actually have been molested and you guys are going to exploit that for your own personal gain? You assholes are securing your places in hell.
We've thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.
So, you're not going to get in any trouble at all?
Uh, no, no, not really. And since the McPoyles are going to plead guilty I'm sort of off the hook completely.
That's great!
Oh, I'm sorry, was he saying that the intervention worked?
No, I don't think that's what he's saying.
What are you talking about? It was the final push Charlie needed. Turns out: Three-quarters of a major, not so bad after all.
Oh, and the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I've been molested. So in a way, my life is ruined. Uh, in the meantime, I'm gonna go in the back office and cry, and cry, and cry, and drink for a while.
Emotional release, another giant step forward.
God, we're good. Doctor.
Doctor.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.