Invader Zim · Season 1
[back to normal voice] That was them! I have to return this thing now!
No! I'm still watching it! I wanna see what happens! I need it! [GIR knocks his bag of Poop Corn off of the couch and starts crying.] Whu...WHHHHHHHHYYYYYY!?! [Zim takes the DVD of the movie and walks out the door with it. GIR runs around in circles screaming and crying. He stops running and hops in place. He holds his head and screams a long high pitched scream and then falls to the floor, asleep and snoring.]
This is… this is just incredible! I should… I should see if this whatever-it-is really will help me deal with Zim! I gonna head over to his base! Hey, I'm speaking out loud to myself in an unnatural manner. [shrugs] Oh, well.
No. I'm sick of waiting and watching. I should take action! I'm… talking out loud some more. Odd. I'M GOING FOR IT! [jumps into the air and lands on Zim's lawn, dodges the gnomes as they lock on him and end up blasting their heads off, and lands on Zim's doorstep, making several poses and knocks on the door]
[answers the door; confused] Huh?
I've got a few things to tell you, Zim. [pan up to the sky as the sun changes from mid-day to early evening, pan back down] And that's all I have to say about that.
[pondering] Ehh… okay. [goes back inside his house for a few seconds, and reappears with a suitcase and Gir] I can't argue with that, Dib. You've won. I'm giving myself up to the Earth authorities. [to Gir] It's been nice working with you, Gir. Now, self-destruct.
Finally! [laughs, emits out a high-pitched noise, and explodes]
[A police car pulls up in front of Zim's house, and Zim gets in and drives away]
This feeling, the power! It isn't going away! Things really are going to be different for me! At last! [makes a fighting pose] YAH!
[Membrane house; Professor Membrane and Gaz watch Dib being interviewed on live TV]
You've opened the world's eyes to the existence of aliens, Dib! Now what?
There are many other mysteries still unsolved. I figured, you know… I'll do some of that. [smiles at the camera while the flashes of cameras and microphones surround him]
[after Dib reveals three ghosts to the crowd] DIB ROCKS!
[pushing him aside] OH, I LOVE YOU, DIB!
DIB!
[enters the room, with Claire Danes holding his arms] It's been years, Zim.
Twenty of your years to be precise, enduring these indignities. The only reason I have not tried to escape is because it amuses me.
Amuses you to what?
Ah, yes! The invasion!
I didn't ask you about the invasion.
Oh, you didn't? Well, you were supposed to. Well, they'll be here! The armada will come and there's nothing you can do about it!
We'll see, Zim. We'll see.
[standing on a podium] To better study the coming alien menace… [shoots down an alien ship with his goggles] I am proud to open the Dib Institute of Paranormal Studies/School of Paranormal Tolerance/Museum/Snack Bar!
[drawing a diagram of the Massive on a chalkboard, demonstrating in front of a group of soldiers] The Massive, the armada capital ship! The side pods are filled with snacks. It's their weak spot. Alpha…you'll be bringing down the Massive.
But, Dib…sir… Who'll lead alpha squadron?
And that's how I was awarded the "Greatest Person Ever to Live" award.
You've lived quite a full life, haven't you, Sir Dib?
Yes, Alan. It was everything I could have hoped for, and more. And I even got to ride a moose.
[laughs] And who could forget that day? Yes, well, we thank you for sharing your incredible life with us and for allowing the human race to survive.
Oh, yes. You're welcome.
And, oh, if I may say, there's one final question that would settle the curiosity of your many fans. Did you throw the muffin at Zim's head?
[chuckles] Wow, that's going back a long ways. As a matter of fact, I did.
You'll never get away with this, Zim! I'm going to… [slowed down] expose you… [speeding up] for the horrible alien menace that you are… [normally] and scoop your insides out!
We cannont fail, GIR! Ever since I was a small Irken Smeech, my dream was to pass Probing Day like a Slorbeast passes her young; jiggly! And full of juice.
That's it! Time!
What you say?
If I can bring the time field around the explosion back up to regular speed, it'll fix everything!
No it won't...
The explosion will blow up like normal and be gone forever!
But won't it just explode? Just like this! KABLAM!
Do not interrupt my being ingenious!
There! I've accelerated Dib's time field to cancel out the field around the explosion. Computer! What's the angle of trajectory?
36 mark 2. But seriously, if you just speed up the explosion-
I don't pay you to contradict me!
You don't... pay me at all...
[being used as a catapult for an accelerator to speed up the explosion] But if the big 'splodey goes fast, won't it get all bad?
Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in Operation Impending Doom II! [mockingly] You in the audience just get to sit and watch.
You should have tried harder!
Oh, and remember; LASERS!
[a laser hits his eye] AAAAH!!!
GIR, reporting for duty.
"GIR"? What does the G stand for?
[confused] I don't know! [pauses, then begins screaming and hitting himself]
Ummm, is it supposed to be stupid?
It's not stupid; [sarcastically] it's advanced!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Invader Zim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
