Mary Shannon quotes from In Plain Sight

Marshall

Engagement party?

Mary

Yeah, Raph's mother dropped by for a surprise visit. She thinks we're engaged.

Eleanor

Ah poor woman, must be wracked with grief.

Can you imagine seeing your mother being killed like that right in front of you?

Mary

[wistfully] Yeah.

Eleanor

Jesus Moreno is here.

Mary

Thanks, send him in.

Eleanor

Will do. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea?

Coffee with cream would be great, thanks.

Eleanor

Coming right up. Mary?

Mary

What?

Eleanor

Would you like some coffee?

Mary

You're feeling guilty about that "wracked with grief" comment aren't you?

Eleanor

Little bit.

Mary

Don't go soft on me.

Marshall

If some guy bought you two $10,000 bags wouldn't you tell your best girl friend all about it?

Mary

C'mon Eleanor, man up.

Eleanor

Mary doesn't have a best girl friend.

Mary

Doesn't that feel better?

Marshall

Ed, Jen and Reggie, why I haven't seen them in years, Mary.

Mary

Now that you mention it, neither have I, Marshall. It's great to know they're still dispensing valuable advice to new trainees isn't it, Marshall?

Marshall

It sure is, Mary, it sure is.

Marshall

How does a civilian get clearance to shoot a video for a top secret government agency?

The same as any other independent contractor: a long and tedious vetting process. You'd be amazed at some of the things I've been privy to, but as secretive as the CIA and the rest of them are, nobody's as tight-lipped as you people.

Mary

That's because we actually keep our secrets secret. The CIA clans have more leaks than a men's room at Oktoberfest.

Mary

[to Stan] You saddle me with this task, I swear I'll quit.

Eleanor

Sounds like a win/win to me, chief.

Mary

Everyone says I'm the mean one. I'm not. It's her.

Eleanor

You think I'm mean? [Mary shrugs] I'm not! I was just ... kidding. I thought that was our thing!

Mary

So disappointing. See, just when I thought you were ready to step up your game.

Eleanor

You really are the devil's minion.

Mary

[Watches Eleanor pour a cup of coffee] What's in that?

Eleanor

Coffee.

Mary

Yeah, right. [Pours it in a potted plant]

Marshall

She's got you spooked, doesn't she?

Mary

A little bit.

Marshall

It's fun to watch.

Eleanor

How'd the video shoot go?

Mary

Great. It was just a really long day.

Eleanor

Tom called. Stan knows you got kicked off the set.

Mary

Well, fine. It was the one time I actually didn't cross the line. Everything I said needed saying.

Eleanor

You know what your problem is? You've got integrity. The world hates integrity.

Mary

You're screwing with me, right?

Eleanor

Not this time.

Mary

You want a cookie?

Eleanor

Ooh, Snickerdoodle!

Marshall

I'm not giving you the name of the first girl I had sex with.

Mary

Why? Is it because you're a virgin?

Marshall

No, because you'd track her down, call her up, and make her tell you all about it.

Mary

So? I told you mine!

Marshall

Neil Armstrong was not your first.

Mary

Technically, no, but who can ever remember that other guy's name?

Marshall

Do you care that Stan is two hours late for work and unreachable?

Mary

Of course I care! This is how I cope. Come on. You know I won't stop until I get what I want.

Marshall

Oh, God. Fine. Katinka Magnúsdóttir. Tenth grade foreign exchange student from Iceland.

Mary

Katinka?! Excellent!

Marshall

Tell her I said hi.

Mary

How do you spell Magnúsdóttir?

Marshall

The usual way.

Mary

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. There's like a thousand K. Magnúsdóttir's. I swear to God, if that's not her real name...

Mary

Hey, how do you know how I like my coffee?

I'm a detective. It's my job to know things.

Mary

You're walking a fine line between cute and creepy, detective.

Mary

[hums while using the telephone]

Marshall

Save that number. It seems to make you happy.

Mary

Hold music. It's from a play I did in high school. I know, hard to believe. While most kids were experimenting with drugs, I was experimenting with musicals. Just as harmful.

Eleanor

[rescuing Marshall's finger] The hardest part is the knuckle. It's sort of like the baby's shoulders in the birthing process.

Mary

Ugh. You have any idea what that makes my ring!

Marshall

And they say romance is dead. Ninety-year-old billionaire weds flight attendant, twenty-three. Gee, I wonder how they met?

Mary

In an airplane.

Marshall

[sarcastically] Did you read this already?

Mary

Think you'll ever get married?

Marshall

If the right flight attendant comes along, who knows.

Mary

If you ever did take that plunge, not that I'd wish that hell on any woman, think you'd tell the missus about the job?

Marshall

No.

Mary

That's it? No diffuse and flowery philosophical treatise with footnotes?

Marshall

Runs contrary to WITSEC regs.

Mary

Heaven forbid we run contrary.

Marshall

You're not thinking about --

Mary

[rummages through sauces on diner counter] Hot sauce. Gotta be looking right at it.

Marshall

You already told him.

Mary

Found it!

Marshall

Without consulting me?

Mary

You know, I was going to, and then I remembered it's none of your God damned business.

Marshall

Are you kidding?

Mary

[scoffs] I don't think so.

Marshall

By telling Raph what you do, you've told him what I do, and I wasn't quite ready to share that information with your future husband.

Mary

You're serious?

Marshall

Hey, look at this. The drugstore security camera is coming around.

Mary

[looks at video of a hooded man] Oh, good. The unabomber.

Marshall

That's what the clerk said.

Mary

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess he didn't pay with credit.

Marshall

Cash. Speaking of which.

Mary

What?

Marshall

Watch.

Mary

Brand new bills.

Marshall

If they're as new as they look, the Treasury could tell us what bank they came from based on serial numbers.

Mary

If they came from an ATM transaction, the bank can give us a name. God, don't you love big brother.

Marshall

Treasury tracked the bills to New Mexico Savings & Loan. They're pulling the ATM transaction now.

You could have told me who owned the car.

Marshall

No, I couldn't. It's against the rules.

What is wrong with you two?

Mary

We've been trying to get pregnant. The strain's getting to him.

Marshall

[fake laughs]

This is why I don't have a partner.

Mary

Look, Phillip, I've been doing this a while, and I've seen people come into this program and fight like crazy to hang on to their old lives, and I've seen people who couldn't wait to be someone else just to throw away their past. But at the end of the day, you are who you are.

Marshall

A wise man once said, and the truth shall set you free.