How I Met Your Mother · Season 1, Episode 2
“Purple Giraffe” · Season 1, Episode 2
In this episode: Ted Mosby (3), Marshall Eriksen (2), Lily Aldrin (2), Robin Scherbatsky (1)
[talks about Robin] She wants casual... Okay, I'll be casual. I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? 'Cause it's a game. I wanted to skip to the end and do the whole happily ever after thing, but you don't get there unless you play the game.
So you gonna ask her out?
Yes. NO! I can't ask her out because if I ask her out I'm 'ASKING HER OUT'. So how do I ask her out... without asking her out?
Did you guys get high?
Hey. I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring. My beautiful ring. Kinda makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like... my shirt. Kinda don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. Or my underwear. Oh, that's right, I'm not wearing any.
[stops working and looks at Lily] No underwear?
Not even slightly.
[Camera pans to show Ted is in the room]
Guys... BOUNDARIES!
Okay, where was I?
You were telling us how you met mom.
In excruciating detail.
Right. So, back in 2005 when I was 27, my 2 best friends got engaged, and it got me thinking. Maybe I should get married. And then, I saw Robin. She was incredible. I just knew I had to meet her. That's where your Uncle Barney came in.
[Robin discovers why Ted threw three straight parties in as many nights]
Robin, look I didn’t invite you to this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. [Robin smiles] I threw these parties because I wanted to see you.
Well, here I am.
There’s something here, look, unless I’m crazy.
You’re not crazy. I—I don’t know, Ted, I mean we barely know each other and you’re looking at me with that look and it’s like—
Like what?
Like—let’s fall in love, and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice.
I’m not gonna force sports on them unless they’re interested.
[laughs] It’s a great look. But you’re looking at the wrong girl.
No, I’m not.
Yes, you are. I don’t wanna get married right now, maybe ever and if we got together I’d feel like I’d either have to marry you or break your heart and—I just couldn’t do either of those things. Just like you can’t turn off the way you feel.
[reaches in jacket] Click. Off. Let’s make out.
[laughs] What?
What? That was the off switch! And I turned it off. I mean sure yes, I wanna fall in love get married blah, blah, blah, but—on the other hand - you, me, the roof.
There’s no off switch.
There is an off switch… and it’s off.
[smiling] no, it’s not.
[silence] yes, it is. [draws closer to Robin]
No …it’s—not.
Yes—it is [long kiss with Robin] No it’s not. You’re right, there’s no off switch. God I wish there was an off switch!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's How I Met Your Mother pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
