Elka Ostrovsky quotes from Hot in Cleveland

Joy

Oh, don't feel so bad, Melanie. I didn't know about Elton John OR George Michael. I thought he wanted my sex.

Melanie

I didn't even know the Village People were gay.

Victoria

Yeah, they kind of ruined that cowboys with short shorts and a moustache look for straight guys.

Elka

In my day nobody knew anything about anyone. Rock Hudson. Tab Hunter. I had a big thing for Liberace.

Melanie

You thought Liberace was straight?

Elka

(confident) I could have turned him.

Elka

(in regards to her bright red hair) I changed my hair!

Melanie

Elka, why would... huh... I mean, why?

Elka

I wanted something fresh. I found a picture in a magazine and I gave it to my hair-stylist.

Joy

Was it a picture of Elmo?

Elka

This red hair comes with a temper. I will cut you!

Joy

(about Victoria’s underpants commercial) When do we tell her it's all over the internet?

Melanie

Oh, I know. I saw it too.

Elka

I posted it.

Elka

How was the farmer's market?

Melanie

Weird.

Joy

In L.A., a farmer's market means sushi, pâté, and enchiladas.

Victoria

This is just a bunch of stuff... grown by farmers.

Melanie

(about her out-fit) As soon as I get to New York, I have to rush straight to Jenna's play; I'm not going to have time to change.

Joy

That's a lot of boobage for your daughter's play.

Elka

Nice girls keep their cookies in a jar.

Melanie

Yes, I know, but Jenna set me up with one of her friends' fathers and we're going out to dinner after.

Joy

I thought you went to the dance with Max last night.

Elka

I did. But then Nick asked me to dance and one thing led to another.

Victoria

You cheated on Max?

Elka

Twice! First a waltz, and then a polka!

Victoria

Listen, fooling around with exes is a perfectly natural and often beautiful part of every relationship. I've slept with all of mine.

Elka

Even the gay one?

Victoria

Yes. He was questioning his sexuality, but as soon as we hit the sheets we got into a conversation about thread count, and well, game over!

Elka

My friend Sheila crashes funerals to meet men. I'm going with!

Victoria

But you have Max.

Elka

Just because I'm chained to the fence doesn't mean I can't bark at the ground.

Elka

What did you think of my mall walk mix?

Not bad. A little surprised by all the Justin Bieber.

Elka

Really? I love her!

He's a guy.

Elka

They keep saying that, but I'm not buying it.

Joy

(regarding Melanie being stressed for saying “I love you” to Pete) I've blurted it out when I didn't mean it, too. Someone recently mistook me for Kate Beckinsale, and I told him I loved him.

Elka

Couldn't you have just given him a biscuit for his guide dog?

Joy

Need a refill?

Elka

You got that right, Skeletora.

Victoria

I thought you weren´t coming here.

Elka

Well I ran out of vodka and I thought I´d come here and freshen up my drunk.

Melanie

Worst thing is Pete wants to rub me in Hanks´face.

Elka

I thought you did that on his boat.

Elka

(walks into the girls' beauty treatments) Hey Nice and Easy.

Victoria

Yeah I picked this up yesterday.

Elka

That´s great dear, but I was talking about Melanie and Joy.

Melanie

We are having a day of beauty, you know, fighting the good fight

Elka

Well, lay down your weapons lady, time won.