Elka Ostrovsky quotes from Hot in Cleveland

Victoria

My hot gardener went back to his ex-wife.

Elka

Those first wives'll get you every time.

Victoria

Yeah. Well, I'll get over it, but... he was a good man. And God, could he fill a pair of jeans. Now, he had a butt like two scoops of ice cream.

Elka

Max too. Soft serve, but the same idea.

Joy

(excitedly) I get to stay in America!!!

Elka

That's another reason to go to Canada.

Thee?

Elka

Let's discuss it over dinner. (as she walks out) Hey, it's a date. Don't waiteth up.

Victoria

I thought you tampered juror number eight

Elka

I tampered the heck out of him

Melanie

The next best singer should step up!

Victoria

Yes, which is why I'm stepping.

Elka

You mean tripping!

Joy

Careful how you toss your sticks in the air, that time you almost hit me!

Elka

I'll try harder next time!

Victoria

You know I really think we have a shot at winning this contest!

Melanie

and even if we don't, its an honour just to be entered.

Elka

That's what Joy said during Fleet Week!

Elka

How's the food

Victoria

Well how would I know, I don't even know how the food is here

Joy didn't mention you were an actress.

Victoria

But then what do you guys talk about?

Elka

You've seen him shirtless. Why would they talk?

Joy

Wilbur, Nana's home. Were you a good boy for Elka and Mamie-Sue?

Oh, yes; we read Baby Shakespeare, listened to Baby Beethoven. I think both of them did better work as adults.

Joy

Wilbur, darling, say Nana. Na-na.

Nana.

Joy

Did you hear that? Wilbur just said his first word. And it was Nana.

Well, actually his first word wa...

Elka

Zip it.

Victoria

I'm on a film mission. Now, have him do a second take.

Joy

Wilbur, say it again. Say Nana.

TV.

Melanie

Did he just say TV?

Elka

I heard Nana.

TV.

Elka

That's from Baby Shakespeare. TV or not TV.

Joy

Owen and I made it very clear: no TV, no processed sugar, watch your language.

Crap!

Elka

That is us watching our language.

Joy

That's it. You two are off the baby-sitting list. You are never watching Wilbur again.

Bitch!

Elka

(after everyone just looks at her) I got nothing.

Joy

(with her hand stuck) Stupid glue. I can't get this wine-glass out of my hand.

Elka

Well, that's how you look eighty percent of the day anyway.

Joy

Sorry I'm late; what'd I miss?

Victoria

Oh, we were just telling sad, bloated Melanie that Alec was right to break up with her.

Joy

What! That's a horrible thing to say. You're going to make her cry.

Elka

That's the plan.