Joy Scroggs quotes from Hot in Cleveland

Joy

(on looking up Melanie's date) This is why the internet was invented. For men to find picture of naked women and women to cyber-stalk the ment they trust.

Joy

(to Victoria) Will you at least marry me before you start cheating!

Joy

My fake fiancee dumped me so I can´t even keep a phony relationship.

Joy

I went from I love to a restraining order in ten minutes… that´s a personal best.

Joy

(to Elka) Was it hard pushing a stroller around before the invention of the wheel?

Melanie Moretti

(about Anders, her ex) What if he's missing me too and Los Angeles was filled with so many sad memories he's flying to Paris to fill a void in his life? What if this is *our* meet on top of the Empire State Building moment?

Joy Scroggs

Have you been watching Sleepless in Seattle again?

Melanie

No! Yes. But I got it down to once a month.

Victoria Chase

You know, I was up for a part in the movie.

Joy

Course you were.

Joy

(to Melanie) You're not old. Forty's the new twenty-five.

Victoria

I thought forty was the new thirty.

Joy

Let me ask you something. What's the deal with old ladies and track suits?

Elka Ostrovsky

Well, it's simple. In your twenties you dress for men, in your forties you dress for success, and in your eighties you dress for a bathroom.

Joy

Does anyone else smell pot?

Elka

What are you, a cop?

Joy

No.

Elka

Then what's it to you?

Melanie

(about her ex-husbands new fiance) She's half my age.

Victoria

Well darling, that really isn't that young.

Melanie

My fake age!

Victoria

Oh my god! She's a child!

Joy

I say we kill him and make his underage whore watch!

Joy

(after coming down the back stairs into the kitchen) We're still in a rented house in Ohio, right?

Victoria

Yup.

Joy

So last night a guy fifteen years younger than me really did give me his phone number.

Victoria

Oh, it's the magic of Cleveland, Joy. All the most beautiful people in the world move to L.A. to become stars, leaving behind in their wake beauty voids for the rest of us to fill.

Elka

(to Joy) You're too old and creaky to be robbing the cradle.

Joy

I'm old?!? Was Ohio even a state when you were born?

Elka

They were talking about it.

Joy

Maybe. It's all just a... a lot.

Melanie

I can't imagine.

Joy

Yes, you can. You're a mother.

Melanie

Hey, guys, guess what? It's our birthday in two weeks!

Joy

You're kidding.

Elka

You all have birthdays on the same day?

Victoria

No no no, but we decided that, seeing as birthdays are so generally unpleasant...

Melanie

Depressing, scary...

Joy

Drunk and hazy...

Victoria

We decided that we'd just celebrate ours all together on a neutral day. And that way, we don't have to acknowledge the day that we actually get older.

Joy

It works great. I really don't know how old I am.

Elka

I'm a little nervous. Or maybe it's just staring at that rat's nest that Joy calls a hairdo. It's so unsettling.

Joy

Your nerves are making you unpleasant.

Elka

Yes, but I can fix that by finishing this wine. You're still stuck with that hair.

Joy

That's not your joke, Elka. That's Winston Churchill's

Elka

It's not stealing if you were there.