Tim Bayliss quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Bolander

How was it?

Bayliss

How was--how--how--was what?

Bolander

Your date with Emma. I heard you took her to an art gallery.

Lewis

DATE?! You had a date with Emma?! You went behind my back with Emma?!

Bayliss

Me? Meldrick, look at-- No, no, I would not do that.

Howard

Hey Bayliss, Beau says you slept with Emma Zoole in a cuffoon or something?

Lewis

What is she-- You went to bed with Emma?

Bayliss

No, Meldrick, no. We did not go to a bed together.

Lewis

You slept with MY Emma?!

Gee

I thought I smelled sex around here.

Bolander

What is a cuffoon?

Howard

I don't know. Beau was laughing so hard when he said it, he had to sit down.

Lewis

You are a disloyal son of a bitch and I don't want anything to do with you.

Bayliss

So you're a homicide detective and your brother is an undertaker. Between the two of you, the holiday dinner table must be a riot.

Munch

Just one life-affirming story after another.

Bayliss

So, you're just gonna walk out on me?

Pembleton

I didn't walk out on you Tim. We're not engaged; so don't act like I left you at the altar.

Russert

What are you doing back here, Tim?

Bayliss

I think the real question is, why would I ever leave here? Because unlike Frank, I love my job. I love it here, I love it here so much, that I think I'll just stay here forever.

Pembleton

Okay. Theoretically,a woman can lead a man on, go up to his room, take off her clothes, jump into bed -- it becomes rape the moment she says stop. Jim may have feared for his life at some point during the confrontation, but he wasn't afraid at the moment he fired the fatal bullet.

Bayliss

He made a bad judgment call. You're gonna crucify him for making a mistake?

Pembleton

This is more than a bad judgment call. He killed Gersel for some other reason.

Danvers

What other reason?

Pembleton

I think it's racially motivated.

Bayliss

Why does that not surprise me, Frank? Why am I not stunned that you've unearthed yet another racial injustice?

Pembleton

I guess you know me too well, Tim.

Bayliss

Danvers, will you put a stop to this nonsense?

Danvers

I could deem the incident accidental, a misunderstanding established by circumstances. I could decide that the suspect not be charged. But I'm not sure I should take on the burden of determination... I'm going to recommend we go before a Grand Jury --

Bayliss

On what charge?

Danvers

Manslaughter.

Bayliss

What? Why?

Danvers

Because you're a cop. Because your cousin's white. I don't want it to look like we're showing any favoritism.

Bayliss

Oh, I see. In an effort not to show favoritism, Jim's being overly prosecuted.

Bayliss

You're not going to say anything to me, are you?

Pembleton

What would you like me to say?

Bayliss

For a start, "I'm sorry"...

Pembleton

I'm not sorry. I did my job.

Bayliss

You still believe that my cousin killed that boy because he was an Arab?

Pembleton

Hikmet was not an Arab. Turks are not Arabs --

Bayliss

My cousin could not consciously kill someone.

I don't think it was premeditated. I think it was inherent. Jim's racism is so much a part of him, that he didn't have a chance to think about what he was doing. Jim is worse than a Klansman. 'Cause at least in their white sheets, they are recognizable. But your cousin's brand of bigotry is more frightening because, like still water, it runs deep. He doesn't even see it himself.

Bayliss

You are wrong, dead wrong.

Pembleton

The only one "dead wrong" is Hikmet Gersel. Did you see what happened when the verdict was announced? They applauded. Those law-abiding citizens, those good people applauded the death of a child. Let me ask you something, Tim -- then you tell me whether or not it was racially motivated -- if that boy had been American, if that boy had been white -- do you think would have cheered?

Bayliss

Man, I hate arson fires. There's never any evidence, no witnesses, nothing.

Pembleton

Well, look at the upside.

Bayliss

I don't see an upside.

Pembleton

I'm the primary on this case. If we don't close it, Gee will cast his long, doleful, accusing glance in my direction, not yours.

Giardello

You found the whorehouse?

Bayliss

On wheels.

Kellerman

Sort of a good-humor truck for sex. Wonder if they ring a bell.

Munch

Who lobbies for nothing?

Bayliss

You do, Munch. Every day, in every way, you lobby for nothing.

Bayliss

The doctor says I have a degenerative disc in my back.

Munch

I had that.

Bayliss

You did?

Munch

Mm-hm.

Bayliss

And it went away?

Munch

Well, not that really. What I had was a degenerate disc.

Howard

A degenerate disc, Munch?

Munch

Yeah, see every time a pretty girl walked by, my neck would go like this, completely and involuntarily. It went away as I matured though.

Howard

When did that happen? I must've missed that.

Bayliss

And why does every question that is put to you have to end up like a discussion on Meet The Press? Just answer the damn question, "Como se fue su fin de semana?" How was your weekend, Frank?

Pembleton

May I? It el suck-oed the big-o weiner-o. There, I'm bilingual.

Bayliss

You are the ugly American.

Pembleton

Don't get personal.

Bayliss

Business or pleasure?

Pembleton

One doesn't carry a beeper for pleasure.

Bayliss

Hookers do.

Pembleton

Prostitution is business; not pleasure.

Bayliss

Yeah, I still don't get that.

Bayliss

You're a killer, Newton.

No, I'm a Presbyterian.

Pembleton

Then why did you get into her car?

Bayliss

You wanted us to catch you?

Well, like they say in nursing homes all over the country, "Bingo!"

Bayliss

So what would you do if someday your son comes home from school and says hey dad, meet Jason here, he's my new boyfriend, what would you do then?

Pembleton

I don't know Tim. I don't like to guess about my reaction to some hypothical situation, but I'd like to think that if two Homicide Detectives come to my door, unlike Zeke Lafeld's father, I would not be relieved my child is dead.