Tim Bayliss quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Bayliss

I'm not a homophobe.

Pembleton

Okay.

Bayliss

I'm not.

Pembleton

You don't hafta repeat yourself. I'm your partner. I believe every word you say.

Pembleton

And I broke the first rule of being a detective. I assumed that Zeke Lafeld was homosexual.

Bayliss

Well, it's what people do, Frank. It's human nature.

Pembleton

Yes, it is human nature to kill someone simply because their sexual orientation is different.

Bayliss

People get afraid. Threatened.

Pembleton

People? That's you and me, Tim. Grown-ups. Why is it that children don't care about such things?

Bayliss

As adults we get socialized. We learn to behave.

Pembleton

No, no, no. We learn to hate.

Bayliss

If wallets were meant to be carried in the front pocket, they'dve been made that way.

Pembleton

They are.

Bayliss

Says who?

Pembleton

The info never gets around to you, does it?

Russert

So, Mary's pregnant?

Bayliss

Oh, no. I didn't say that.

Russert

Frank is your partner and I'm a detective and you're a bad liar.

Munch

Don't tell me you're watching soap operas again.

Bayliss

It's what we have instead of a sex life, Munch. Leave us alone.

Pembleton

What about you? How come you're so mu-si-cal this morning?

Munch

Today's no different than any other day. I'm still the same miserable me.

Bayliss

No, no. You were singing.

Munch

Was I?

Mmm-hmm.

Munch

I didn't realize.

Munch

Whaddya got there Timmy? Something good? Percodan...Percocet, maybe?

Bayliss

They're muscle relaxants and you can't have any.

Munch

Nobody's willing to share their drugs anymore.

Russert

What amount of stress could make anybody just go out and start shooting at people?

Bayliss

See that's the thing, he's not feeling any stress.

Russert

How can you tell?

Bayliss

Being a marksman is all about precision.

Pembleton

It wasn't your job to save Mariner's life. Why does his death bother you?

Bayliss

I was the primary, Frank!

Pembleton

YOU DID YOUR JOB! Nine names in red turned into nine names in black and if Mariner wasted himself, so what?

Bayliss

Wait a second, YOU are always telling me how you see ALL lives as being as important.

Pembleton

Yeah well if I was God, I'd have a hard time taking Mariner's death, and the deaths of nine innocent people and weighing them the same.

Pembleton

Why do people choose cloth seats? Look how they absorb stains. Leather's the way to go for precisely this reason.

Bayliss

I agree.

Bayliss

If your husband was sentenced to death, why would you kill yourself and orphan your son?

Pembleton

Well Tim, you're the primary in this quickly deepening quagmire, I'll leave that question for you to answer.

Bayliss

Thanks. Hope you get polyps.

How's Rausch?

Pembleton

Doc checked him and he's fine. And in his cell where he's gonna stay.

You're that confident that you'll win?

Pembleton

I'm sure of it. I bribed the judge. I told her Bayliss would have sex with her for a favorable ruling.

You two-timing pig.

Bayliss

Well, she was naked underneath those black robes.

Bayliss

You always do this to me, nobody else, just me. Just your partner.

Pembleton

You ordered...a meatball hero?

Bayliss

Grilled cheese.

Pembleton

Oh, that's it.

Bayliss

That's what? What's wrong with a grilled cheese sandwich?

Pembleton

It's so... you know... white boy.

Bayliss

White boy?

Pembleton

Yeah, it's such a non-statement. White bread, American cheese, you know?

Bayliss

This isn't about the sandwich Frank, this is about you and me.

Pembleton

No, it's the sandwich.

Bayliss

You know, you're starting to display passive-aggressive tendencies. You're trying to tell me something by not bringing me lunch.

Pembleton

No. It's the sandwich.

Bayliss

Gimme my money back. I want my money back.

Pembleton

You have to wait for change.

Pembleton

It was a grilled cheese. Get a grip.

Bayliss

It wasn't the sandwich, partner.

Bayliss

Those guys are like a family. I have never, ever felt that in Homicide. We may be the best, the elite, but we are not a family.

Pembleton

Yes we are. But we're like a real family. Opinionated, argumentative, holding grudges, challenging each other. We push each other to be better than we are. That kind of thing doesn't happen at barbecues or ball games. It happens on the job where it's supposed to. Putting down a murder. The work itself is the most important thing. What we do is important. We speak for those who can no longer speak for themselves and you're not gonna ever find anything like that anywhere, not in LA, or patrolling the grounds at Disneyland.

Bayliss

Frank, I work with you, not for you.

Pembleton

Excuse me?

Bayliss

You never say please, you never say thank you.

Pembleton

Please don't be an idiot. Thank you.