Kommandant Klink says you can have ten minutes with the prisoner.
Ten minutes?! Oh, come on, Schultz. Hardly long enough to eat a chocolate bar.
[Hogan takes out a bar of chocolate.]
Twenty minutes?
Eat slowly. [hands the bar to Schultz]
“Funny Thing Happened On The Way To London” · Season 3, Episode 5
In this episode: Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter (4), Wilhelm Klink (3), Robert E. Hogan (2), Hans Georg Schultz (1)
[Klink and Hochstetter summon Group Captain James Roberts, a recently-captured British officer, to Klink's office. He enters and comes face-to-face with a man identical to himself.]
GJGroup Captain James Roberts
In Heaven's name.
Group Captain Roberts- Leutnant Baumann.
GRGroup Captain Roberts
He could be my twin!
In a way he is! He is!
Fantastic.
They do wonderful plastic surgery! I had this friend in Dusseldorf. A Mrs. Schmidt; charming woman. Slight sag around the chin, but you know how it is. Anyway, see saw this surgeon. He advised her-
[visibly annoyed] Not now, Klink.
GRGroup Captain Roberts
This is monstrous.
The Leutnant looked a great deal like you from the start, but the surgeons have done a remarkable job, no?
GRGroup Captain Roberts
[realizing] The pictures. That's why you took those pictures of me.
LBLeutnant Baumann
Yes, indeed, Group Captain. From the beginning it's been rather a lark. Jolly good fun, actually.
GRGroup Captain Roberts
He's even imitated my voice. Of course, the recordings.
Well, I am satisfied.
So am I.
I'm glad. I don't think we need to attend to Group Captain Roberts any longer, Colonel.
Of course not, Major! I think it's time we moved him to slightly less comfortable quarters, but, shall we say, more colourful?
GRGroup Captain Roberts
Whatever it is your planning, you won't get away with it. I promise you that.
Now, is everything crystal clear?
Major, it cannot fail because it is simplicity itself.
Exactly. I knew you would understand anything simple, Klink.
Oh, thank you, sir.
HHilda
Colonel Klink, Colonel Hogan has requested to see you.
By all means, let him come in.
HHilda
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Our fish is nibbling at the bait.
My fish.
Colonel Klink.
Yes, Hogan, what is it, what is it?
You have a new prisoner, Group Captain James Roberts, RAF. I want to see him.
He wants to see the prisoner. That's not surprising.
That's not surprising.
Of course, now that I've made the request, I'm sure you'll deny it.
He says we'll deny it. We will?
We will?
As senior officer here, I'm entitled to talk to any new prisoner brought into this stalag, and you know it. If I'm not allowed to see him, it'll be in direct violation of the Geneva Prisoner of War Convention, and I'll make a formal complaint to the Red Cross and the protecting power.
Very well, you may see the prisoner.
You may see the prisoner.
And believe me, when word gets back to the big boys on our side, you'll see what happens to Ger-(pause) What did you say?
I said you may see the prisoner anytime you like.
There you are, Hogan. Your request has been granted.
You guys ought to give me a little notice when you're going to do something decent.
Really?
Yeah. I faint very easily.
But this is can't be. I just sent the report that the "Englishman" was sent across the Channel earlier this morning protected by the Luftwaffe... [realizes] KLINK! I WILL mention you in my report!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.