“Episode One” quotes from Hell's Kitchen

[about Chef Ramsay] He's like the Simon Cowell of the kitchen.

He's worse than Simon Cowell.

The time has come for the competitors' first encounter with Chef Ramsay and his legendary high standards. They have no idea what they're in for.

I'm Gordon Ramsay. Welcome to Hell's Kitchen. [on Andrew's dish] Whose is this?

Andrew, Chef Ramsay.

Andrew, step forward. And what is it?

It's called Andrew's Absolute Penne.

Andrew's Absolute Penne.

Correct.

[takes a taste of the dish and spits it out] That... is absolute dog shit. Have a little taste.

[tastes the dish] Could use some salt.

You think you're smart, yeah?

I have my moments.

And how long have you been cooking?

About ten years.

What a waste of ten years. Get back in fucking line.

First name?

Dewberry.

Blueberry?

Dewberry.

Oh, Dewberry. Bloody hell, I'm not sure which is worse.

Now the red kitchen's first entrées are about to go out. All that's left is a piece of salmon from the most experienced chef on the red team.

Chris.

Yes, chef?

Come here. You're an executive chef right?

Yes, chef.

What do you think of that?

It's a little fucked up, chef.

[pushing the fish into Chris' chest] There you go. Sorry. I told you fucking earlier, hello? And you knew it's fucked up.

You're right chef.

Yeah, and an executive chef doesn't serve shit like that, do they?

I apologize, chef.

No, no, you apologise. Don't you do it again! Okay?

I'll start it again chef. [interview] I haven't gotten where I am today without having skills. I think Gordon recognizing talent is going to come with time.

Send the whole fucking table back. The executive chef has just sent me an overcooked piece of shit. (interview) Chris has a huge chip on his shoulder. He's an executive chef which basically means you sit on your arse all day long. And clearly he's been doing that for the last ten years.

How does this look, Chef Ramsay?

What do you mean, "How does this look?" Hey, Andrew, get out the habit. Come here, you. I'm not going to run to you, I'm trying to run the hotplate here so would you be so kind to come and talk to me. Is that clear?

[interview] I firmly believe that Chef Ramsay just doesn't like me.

Is this acceptable chef?

Yeah, listen to me - did you hear my fucking question?!

Yes.

Answer it! Okay?

Yes.

Good! Now what are you saying?

I'm asking you if this looks acceptable.

Right, get on the hotplate.

[interview] You - you want to pick on me? Pick on me! I don't give a shit.

And you think every time you want to ask me a question, fat fuck, that I'm going to go down there and run to you while I'm trying to run a kitchen. You fucking come to me. Is that clear?

Yes, chef.

Good! Now what was the question?

Is this acceptable to you?

I'll let you know. Now fuck off. [interview] Andrew, he likes to learn the hard way. Kitchens are run on emotions. I may get upset, but the most important thing is, it's not personal.

Chef? Mr. Chef?

Yes, ladies?

You hurt my friend's feelings.

I hurt your friend's feelings?

Yes, she's very upset.

Why?

Because you told her to fuck off.

Oh, really? Did I?

Yeah you did.

Could you tell her that I meant it?

Yeah, I'll tell her.

Jean-Philippe, s'il vous plaît? Can you please escort these bimbos back to plastic surgery?

Blue team, stop what you're doing. Stop what you're doing. Forget it. [crosses over to the red kitchen] Red team?

Yes, chef?

Switch it off. I'm shutting down the kitchen. I'm so pissed off, I'm not prepared to see any more shit food coming out. Shut it down.