Chin Ho Kelly quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Chin Ho Kelly

Where do you think you're going?

Frank Delano

[shoots one round that somehow misses Chin, who shoots him in the shoulder. Chin closes door of van and aims shotgun at Delano, who's out of ammo] You're not gonna kill me. You said it yourself. You're not a dirty cop, Chin. Only a dirty cop would shoot an unarmed man. [Chin Ho pauses before firing shotgun pointblank]

Kamekona

I'll leave this with you, then. [gives Danny a piece of paper]

Danny Williams

What is this?

Kamekona

It's a bill.

Danny

I see that it's a bill, but why are you giving it to me? I brought you a fish what are you charging me for?

Kamekona

My cooking services.

Danny

What?

Kamekona

Superior life skills.

Kelly

What is that, like a corkage fee?

Kamekona

Exactly.

Danny

Oh, cooking what? What'd you cook? It's raw fish. You didn't cook anything.

Kamekona

All right, you brought me fish, I gave you a meal.

Chin Ho Kelly

Well, I hope you don't mind, but Steve asked me to bring you by some breakfast.

Doris

Oh, how nice. Except, um, the thing is I've already made breakfast and Steve knows that, so I really hope you're a better cop than you are a liar.

Chin Ho

Excuse me?

Doris

Coco puffs from Liliha Bakery. [takes a piece] Ah, that is really good work. I mean, appealing to my nostalgic side and everything, well, I'm sure Steve told you that I used to bring these every Sunday morning to him and his sister -but if there's one thing I learned at the CIA about using a diversionary technique, it's, um, avoid the obvious.

Chin Ho

They're just coco puffs.

Doris

They're still really delicious. They're even better with a cup of coffee.

Chin Ho

Okay.

Doris

You can tell my son that whether or not he cares to acknowledge it, I've been taking care of myself since before he was born and I'm actually pretty damn good at it. So, you can stay here and have that cup of coffee, talk Kukui High football, if you want that, I'm game -but if you're here just to babysit me, you can leave right now. But the coco puffs stay with me.

Chin Ho

I'll take my coffee black.

Doris

Good choice.

Danny

[hypothesizing about cause of death] This guy and another guy, they get into a beef over, uh, I don't know, let's say they brought it to the reception. They end up back in the room here, uh, get into a little fisticuffs. Uh, this guy doesn't realize his buddy has a gun. Bang, here he is.

Chin Ho

Interesting. Very detailed theory. I particularly enjoyed your use of the word "fisticuffs".

Chin Ho

[chuckles at the sight of Danny in a t-shirt and denim shorts] Guess it's casual Friday. Must have missed the memo.

Danny

Oh, that'd be funny if it wasn't Tuesday.

Steve

[to Chin] Annual beach cleanup at Gracie's school.

Danny

Right. Which I'd much rather be spending my Christmas Eve over there than with a dead guy, all right? So if we could speed this up, that'd be nice.

We should go on a ride-along sometime.

Chin Ho

Actually, we don't do those things. That's HPD.

Oh. Well, that's okay. 'Cause I actually meant ride-along in the car, to a bar. There's a great new place that just opened on Merchant Street.

Chin Ho

I'll call you.

Okay. [leaves]

Jerry

[sees her leave; to Chin Ho] Naughty Nani. "Most likely to be married five times."

Chin Ho

She just dumped number six.

Jerry

Ooh. An opening. I got a shot. [sees Chin Ho's doubtful face] What?

Chin Ho

Nothing.

What the hell's this? What's going on?

Chin Ho Kelly

We recovered Corey's body, Alan. He probably looks a little different than when you and Bradley buried him in the maze 25 years ago.

I don't know anyone named Corey.

Chin Ho

Sure you do. Laura knew him, too. In fact, Laura liked him. Didn't she? She liked him a lot. That's why he's dead, isn't it, Alan? You knew that she had a thing for Corey, but you were too much of a coward to confront him by yourself. You needed Bradley to help you.

You know what? If that's where you found the body, maybe you should go ask Bradley how it got there.

Chin Ho

Why don't you ask him yourself. [cops bring in Bradley Richmond]

It's over. I told them everything.

Why? Why would you do that?

You killed Laura. That's my sister.

She was going to go to the cops. I have a family. I have a life! [sniffles] She wanted to ruin everything.

No. All she wanted to do was tell the truth about what happened that night. She couldn't live with the guilt anymore.

We all swore that we would never tell anyone what happened. You swore to me!

We were just a bunch of kids. Alan, we were scared. We didn't want to go to jail.

It was an accident. We just wanted to teach him a lesson. Rough Corey up a little bit so that he would stay away from Laura. but it got out of control. I slugged him, then Corey, he-he he fell and hit his head on a rock. There was blood everywhere. He was dead. And there was nothing that any of us could do to change that.

Jerry

Ah, there he is. [everyone laughs at Chin's pic]

Danny Williams

What a goofball. What-what is that? You got the fencing team, you're in the band, and look at this.

Catherine Rollins

Uh, mathletes? Junior mathletes? It's amazing.

Chin Ho

I had a wide variety of interests, okay? And don't forget QB1 and captain of the football team.

Kono

All right. What about you, Jerry?

Jerry

Mm, there I am.

Catherine

Oh, yeah, buddy.

Kono

Whoo! "Most likely to be abducted by aliens".

Catherine

It's not too late. You all right?

Jerry

[reads dedication] "Don't ever stop asking questions. The world needs more people like you." Laura wrote that.

Lou Grover

"A city boy", my ass.

Chin Ho

Take a look at that sucker.

Lou

How many did McGarrett get on his first try, you say?

Chin Ho

Half a dozen.

Lou

Oh.

Chin Ho

But I'll tell you what that's three times bigger than anything he caught.

Lou

You got your phone?

Chin Ho

Yeah.

Lou

Take a picture and send it to him.

Chin Ho

Oh, come on. You sure you want to kick up that hornet's nest?

Lou

Oh, hell yeah, I do! Come on, just take a picture.

Chin Ho

[as Lou poses] All right. All right. All right. Ready? Smile.

Sometimes things happen that change a person's perspective on life.

Steve

Well, that's that's some deep and soulful stuff for a man who's killed over a hundred people.

[laughs] Two years ago middle of a thunderstorm, I got into a head-on with a moving van with bad brakes. Doctors said I suffered a traumatic ventricular failure. That there was a 100% certainty I would die if I didn't get a new heart.

Steve

Okay, how'd you get to the top of the list?

You gentlemen forget who I work for. Men like Albert Bagosa doesn't get wait-listed. I needed a new heart. He got me one. Not that he had any great affection for me. He just needed me to get back to work. I was told that my heart belonged to a very special young man. He taught at about the worst school in the city. Served meals at the local soup kitchen. Built houses for the homeless during his summer break. Then one day, this solid citizen, this man who lived to make a difference, got hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street. And it was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. 'Cause I got a piece of him. After that, things changed. Went about my business the way I always done it, but when it came to the moment of truth, couldn't go through with it. Just couldn't pull the trigger. And it kept happening contract after contract. Something happened when I got that new heart. I began thinking of the people I was asked to kill. Their loved ones. Their families. What did they do to deserve me?

Steve

Okay. Well, if your story's true, that can't have made Mr. Bagosa happy.

I never told Bagosa. Every contract I got, I pretended to fill it.

Chin Ho Kelly

So, what about all the people you're supposed to kill? What happened to them?

I found a safe place to hide them.

Chin Ho

You created your own witness protection program.

That's right. An entire community made up of people that didn't deserve to die - but somehow Bagosa found out.

I'm that good.

Steve

That's why Bagosa sent Stegner to Hawaii, huh? To kill those people that you've been hiding?

Those people are innocent. I couldn't let Stegner end their lives. You think I'm lying?

Lou

I think you just told a really great campfire story. The only things missing are the marshmallows.

Max

Commander, after a thorough examination, I've determined that each of our young victims were suffering from acute dehydration and starvation in the days leading up to and at the time of their deaths.

Chin Ho Kelly

Take a look at this. [taps screen for news clipping] The week they disappeared was one of the hottest on record for Oahu. Daytime temps hovered in the mid-90s for five straight days.

Max

And this is the basement that the school used as solitary confinement. The same one that Tahni saw the boys being led into the night they returned.

Lou Grover

No windows, no ventilation. Must have been unbearable down there.

Max

In that kind of heat, left in a poorly ventilated space, without food or water for a significant amount of time would be equivalent to leaving an infant in a car with a rolled-up window in the middle of the summer. As a result of all these findings, I'm listing the official cause of death as homicide.

Chin Ho Kelly

You know, Lou, a lot of guys in my old squad believed IA when they said I was a dirty cop. When I asked them why, they said it was just something they could feel. They went with their instinct, and they turned their back on me. But they were wrong.

Lou

I'm not wrong.

How can you be so sure?

Lou

You know, one night when we were at the academy, one of our training officers busted me and Clay trying to sneak back on campus after lights out. Now, as violations go, it was pretty serious. Absolute grounds for expulsion. So the TO- he sits us down. Now, this guy was a human lie detector. Never met a suspect he couldn't break. So he says to us, "You two birds better have a damn good reason for breaking curfew. Otherwise, I'm shipping your sorry asses out on the next bus." Now the truth is: we were at a ball game. Went to a White Sox game. The thing goes extra innings, and now we're late. But Clay looked that TO right in the eye and without missing a beat, he says, "I'm sorry, sir. But my cousin he's shipping off in the morning to the Gulf for Desert Shield, and the kid's nervous. He's scared. So Lou and I just figured we'd just take the kid out, show him a good time, you know, get his mind off things. And that way, at least he gets a proper send-off, you know?" The TO looks into Clay's eyes, and after a couple of seconds, he says "Okay. Don't let it happen again." And that was that. I never seen anybody lie with such confidence, such conviction. If you would've hooked Clay up to a polygraph right then and there, I'm telling you, he would've passed it. But it ain't even so much the lying. Clay knew how to play on this man's emotions. This morning, I'm sitting on the bench outside the ME's office, and I'm listening to him tell me how this went down. And he's talking to me, and he's looking at me, and he's looking me right in the eye, and I'm going for it, until my wife shows up. And I get up and step back, and I watched him handle my wife. And that little voice popped into my head saying, "This guy is playing you." He did this. Now, I can't prove it, but I know. And I'm telling you, I know like I know whose name is on my driver's license! He did this. I know it.

Kono Kalakaua

Dad? [runs up to them] I didn't think you were coming.

You know she wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Chin Ho Kelly

[to Dr. Shaw] Her mother had an aneurysm a few years back.

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Kono

[kneels and faces her mother Nani] I'm doing it, Mom.

She's very proud of you.

Kono

Malama pono.

Aloha Au Ia 'oe.

Kono

[to Nani] Malama pono.

My son made up this threat to force me to cook again?

Chin Ho Kelly

He called it his inheritance. That, as far as he was concerned, you were dead to him.

So, what happens now?

Chin Ho

Your son's gonna go to prison. You're gonna walk away from this with your parole intact, no more prison time.

Doesn't really matter. [sighs] When I was in Halawa, there was only one reason to get out. Carter. That second chance kept me going. And now I've got nothing.

Chin Ho

Maka'i, I know what it's like to have your family turn their back on you. Let me give you a little bit of advice. Keep moving forward, because you still have a shot at redemption. If not for your son, then for yourself. I'll get you out of here.

Chin Ho Kelly

It's a one-way plane ticket to Tokyo. Leaves tonight. If your relationship with Shioma is so complicated that you can't explain it, I can't let you marry my cousin tomorrow.

[sets aside ticket] I'm not going anywhere, Chin.

Then you better convince me why I should let you stay.

[sighs] Okay. Goro Shioma was my father's mentor. They were as close as brothers. When my father started his business, Goro was the one who staked him the money to get it off the ground. He's made millions off that initial investment and continues to. Look, you don't just walk away from someone like Goro. It had to be done the right way - face to face.

So what happened?

I offered to buy him out, but he wouldn't accept. Said the only way out was to leave the same way my father came into the business. With nothing.

Adam, are you really willing to give up all of this for Kono?

[chuckles] Yeah, Chin. You know your cousin. She was never one for material things anyway.