Danny Williams quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Kamekona

Howzit, ma haole?

Danny

[greets Kamekona] Baby Huey, it's good. [to Steve] What's the matter with you, huh? We got a situation. Where've you been? I’ve been calling you like you owe me money.

Steve

What are you talking about? I didn't hear my phone.

Danny

Called you like five, six times.

Steve

I believe you. I didn't hear my phone, I left it right over here. [points to where Kamekona is sitting] Where's my phone? You see my phone?

Kamekona

[pulls Steve's cellphone from under his butt] Oh. Oh sorry.

Danny

You didn't feel that vibrating? Ever?

Kamekona

Oh, that's what it was.

Kono

Anyone up for a swim?

Ah, forgot to bring my board shorts.

Danny

Looks like the rookie is going swimming.

Steve

I'll go in with you.

Danny

Very nice of you.

Steve

Sure you don't want to come for a swim?

Danny

No, you go ahead, uh with your pants. I'll just be here with a dry towel.

Danny

What are the odds, huh? Guy gets a bullet in the dome, goes through four hours of brain surgery, and he survives, yet 150 people die every year from falling coconuts. It's a fact. I read it online.

Steve

What, so now you're not going to let Grace go near coconut trees?

Danny

Not without a helmet, I'm not.

Steve

Looks like our guys are dopers.

Danny

What? What does that mean?

Steve

You draw a pint of your own blood, your store it in the fridge, and then you reinject it days later.

Kono

Why, what for?

Steve

Increases your red cell count and it allows your muscles to work harder for up to 12 hours. Some SEALs in Coronado would do it before their underwater drills.

Kono

Kinda like an all-natural steroid.

Danny

Yeah, for vampires.

Steve

Or ultra-endurance athletes.

Steve

Okay, how are you going there, Kitty?

Danny

Not good.

Is that how they do it in Jersey?

Danny

No, it's not how they do it in Jersey. This is Grace's computer. It's the only one Rachel could give me.

Steve

Take that tie off. No one on a cruise ship wears a tie.

Danny

Yes, they do. They do all the time, so they can hang themselves when they’re bored.

Steve

Well, put it in your pocket. You can kill yourself later.

Danny

Can I ask you a question? Why are you always driving my car?

McGarrett

I like to drive.

Danny

No, Rain Man liked to drive. You have control issues.

Danny

My tree is small. It’s depressing. It’s pathetic.

McGarrett

It’s perfect. It’s just like your apartment.

[looks at Steve] You put two of those in Hesse and didn’t kill him?

Danny

Next time, shoot him in the face.

Danny

[hands Steve an ice pack] Ice, for your head.

Steve

I'm fine.

Danny

Don't be a tough guy, okay? I've been popped with a stun gun before, it's no fun. Ice helps.

Kono

[curiously] You've been stun gunned?

Danny

Yes, I've been stunned. Hoboken, Halloween '02. It's a long story I don't want to tell you right now. [turns back to Steve] How many guys were there?

Steve

Three.

Danny

Three. Okay, good, 'cause I was wondering how one little burglar comes in and takes advantage of a Navy SEAL.

Steve

Something's wrong.

Danny

Do me a favor, please. Will you not go there? Okay? You don't know anything. Maybe she went out last night. Maybe she got a little goofy, she's sleeping it off. And let me be honest about something, if, first thing in the morning, I see your face pop on my phone, I might not answer it either.

Steve

Mamo lived in our old neighborhood when Mary and I were just kids. He's the one who taught us how to surf. Guy's been a beach boy since the days of Duke Kahanamoku.

Danny

Beach Boy, huh? You know, I've heard of, um, Mike Love, Brian Wilson, but I've never heard of Mamo the Beach Boy.

Steve

Yeah, different beach boys, Danny. They were locals who set up shop in Waikiki to teach people how to surf.

Steve

You know, I never would've left the Island, I never would've joined the Navy or missed every holiday, every birthday, half of Mary's life. The day that car exploded, it made me who I am. Danny, I can't just let it go.

Danny

I'm not asking you to let it go. I want to get these guys as bad as you do.

Danny

Hey, it’s the CHiPs! Remember CHiPs?

Steve

Of course I remember CHiPs. I always thought that’d be the coolest job—you know, riding motorcycles, fighting crime…

Danny

No, no, motorcycle cops have a five-times-higher mortality rate than other cops.

Steve

It’s a cop fantasy, Danny; why do you gotta bring statistics into it?

Danny

Cop fantasy... In my cop fantasy, I’d be Estrada, and you’d be Wilcox.

Steve

I don't think so, baby.

Danny

Hey, not so close, Wilcox.

Steve

Don’t tell me how to tail a suspect. And if this was CHiPs, I’d be Estrada, you’d be Wilcox, all right?

Danny

I don't think so.