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All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
So I just got to beat up an old lady and I get an army? I can do that.
(to Kite Man's parents) You know what? Fuck you guys. Yeah, I said, fuck you. Because first of all, I am the one who messed up the goddamn reservation, okay. Chuck asked me several times not to forget, because for some reason he cares about you two. And then, he took the heat for it because he cares about me, and for some reason, what you two think about me. So, yeah! He's a kind, loving, supportive partner. And the only miracle here is that you two ghouls somehow raised him. And another thing, he's not lucky to have me, I'm lucky to have him! So, fuck off!
Probably be best if you turn around your merry band of meatbags.
And why the hell would I do that?
[Doctor Psycho laughs maniacally from another dimension]
Gordo, I have a flying army from a hell planet under my control.
Well, I made my decision! And I never back down from my decisions. It’s a terrible quality that has ruined most of my personal relationships, so bring it!
Are there other part of your argument besides being able to defecate wherever you want?
NFNora Fries
I know I'm just a pity invite because you killed my husband.
Uh, look, I know this isn't like a friend group so much as, like, a disparate collection of strange women I glommed on to during the most difficult stages of my life, so…
I'm picking up some vibes that maybe you don't wanna get married to me.
TTabitha
What gave it away? The fact that I've managed to chain-smoke even though I'm underwater?
JJennifer
Murder? I don't know. I work in life insurance. … These are bottomless, right? [Amazon shakes her head] Okay, let's kill her.
This is for selling out nature and women and--
JJennifer
Not having bottomless mimosas.
Poison Ivy (as she and Harley wake up together...naked...in bed): Piss cakes of a dick! Alright, listen to me, we shouldn't have done this! We should not have done this!
The mind-blowing orgasmic sex or the staying over?
Tabitha and I worked it out. We'll stay married publicly, but we're each allowed to have secret relationships. I mean, sure, we could probably get along and have a very milquetoast marriage, but I don't want that. I wanna be with someone who excites me. Where love isn't safe, the kind of love that doesn't have limits. I want a soulmate.
Riddle me--
[to Riddler] Oh, shut the fuck up! Can't you see I'm trying to elegantly end this conversation with this mechanical fossil?! Good luck getting out again, fuck head!
The storybook is real? Where is it?
I don't know, but I think you do. Are you sure you can't just remember?
It's like I see the book, but… everything else is cloudy.
That's disappointing because I really, really, really don't wanna have to do this.
Do what?
I'll be seein' ya soon, Mistah J.
The point is, I'm gonna do what you never could, because you are a pussy!
Pussies are powerful. They birthed all of humanity!
I was a C-Section.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Harley Quinn pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.