Sid James quotes from Hancock's Half Hour

The court is now in session! Case of the Crown versus Hancock's Marrow, round two. Presiding judge Lord Chief Justice Fleming.

There are one or two points in this case that I should like to elucidate. Will Mayor James please stand up?

Sid James

Mornin' judge.

Your face is familiar! Haven't I seen you here before?

Sid James

Yes, Your Honour. Three times, all told.

Really?

Sid James

Yes. A six months, a not proven and a warning.

Well now, you wish to build a road through Mr Hancock's garden?

Sid James

That's it.

And he won't let you because he's got a marrow growing there.

Sid James

That's right.

Yes. Hmm. Yes. What is a marrow?

Sid James

Eh?

I always ask that. It gets me in the newspapers.

Hancock

There is no happiness in this world today for a man of my intellect. So, I've decided the only solution is to become a recluse. I'm going back to nature! I'm going to renounce all my worldly goods and live in the woods...

Sid James

Where?

Hancock

Clapham Common. It's the easy living and false comforts of modern civilisation that are ruining mankind.

Why have you picked Clapham Common?

Hancock

So I'll be near the shops.

Hancock

I refuse to make a public exhibition of myself!

Hey! Hey Sid, look! What's that up there in the trees?

Sid

Ah nothing, probably a squirrel or something, now look, Hancock—

No, no it's not a sirrel S— [cast and audience descend into giggles]

Hancock

... if Mr Kerr will say "it's not a sirrel Squid", then...

Sid James

The plane is still on the ground.

Hancock

So it is, so it is! Good grief, I'd better tell the pilot before he pulls the wheels up!

Hancock

You remember that nine hundred thousand pounds I won?

Sid James

Oh yeah.

Hancock

Well I want two bob of it - I'm hungry!

Sid James

Hancock, we've been all over this before, boy - it's all tied up.

Hancock

I know it is! In little bags in your bedroom!

Hancock

Do you mind? I'm trying to read, don't interrupt! I'm on the edge of me seat here.

Sid James

Good, is it?

Hancock

Good? This is red hot, this is, mate. I'd hate to think of a book like this getting in the wrong hands. As soon as I've finished this I shall recommend they ban it.