Griselda Pugh quotes from Hancock's Half Hour

Hancock

I shall write poetry.

You don't mean that rubbish you scribble down in your diary every day?

Hancock

Rubbish? Rubbish? Philosophical gems, matey! Listen to this: Sonnet, by A. H.

I rubbed it out to make room for the chiropodist appointment. You know you can't get your boots on if you leave your corns for more than a week!

Hancock

Well well, look who it is. The Thing from Outer Kitchen. I gather from the clouds of blue smoke the sausages are ready?

I'm employed as a secretary, not to provide breakfast for you two as soon as I get here. If you don't like my cooking, do it yourself. Here you are. [clatter]

Hancock

What are these then?

Sausages!

Hancock

What, these little shrivelled up things with two black knobs on each end?

They burst out of their skin.

Hancock

And pleased to get out, by the looks of things!

Ooh look! It's started raining!

Hancock

That's all we wanted. You watch, it'll go dark in a minute, we'll have to switch the lights on. I think I'll go to bed.

[reproachfully] You've only been up an hour...

Hancock

That is by the way and nothing to do with it. I might just as well be in bed, there's nothing else to do. I wish I hadn't got up now. Your dinner wasn't worth getting up for, I'll tell you that for a start!

Well I don't know, I ate all mine.

Hancock

That is neither here nor there. You also ate Bill's, and Sid's, and mine! I thought my mother was a bad cook but at least her gravy used to move about. Yours just sort of lies there and sets.

That's the goodness in it!

Hancock

That's the half a pound of flour you put in it!