Son quotes from Goodness Gracious Me

I thought you'd be pleased to see me happy through spirituality, unlike most young men of my generation, who find happiness through pornography and drugs…which I'd be tempted to use had we not been related to every pharmacist and newsagent from here to Nuremberg!

Look, I'm a student. I'm balancing a traffic cone on my head.

That's not a traffic cone; it's a small aubergine.

Aubergine, traffic cone. I'm too drunk to tell the difference!

You see, you have these English people sitting on the veranda's of their bungalow's. looking at the jungle, using their shampoo. And they talk about Western Civilisation! Rubbish!

(sighs with despair) Well, I don't think you can discount the whole of Western Civilisation just because they borrowed the word shampoo.

Ah, not just shampoo. Also conditioner.

Look, will you just shut up about India! You're always banging on about how everything comes from India, it's all bullshit!

What?!

I said bull-shit!

Also Indian.

The fellow in this film, Kina Modha

(nonchalently) Clark Gable

Indian.

Don't tell me Shakespeare was Indian!

Is the Pope Punjabi?

They're all Indian! All except Prince Charles... He's African.

What?

If he was Indian, he'd have smaller ears!

Superman's my favourite superhero.

Ah, well I can understand that. He's so brave, so strong…so Indian.

What?!

Superman: Indian.

No!

Uh-huh. Come on, you've seen the film. He runs faster than a speeding train. There's only one country where you can run faster than the trains!

No, Dad, not the Mona Lisa! She was an Italian noblewoman from the sixteenth century.

Son, this is Mina Losa, a Gujarati washerwoman from Bhavnagar!

Why would Leonardo da Vinci go all the way to Bhavnagar to paint someone?

Because it's quite near where he lived.

Florence?

Faridabad!

I'm gay, OK?

And so am I.

What, BOTH of you?!

Oh, my God! My son is a lesbian!

You go to your room, and don't come back until you're not of the gay!