Guru quotes from Goodness Gracious Me

Many people in the west think that in my country (India), because of our religions, because of our history, because of I don't know what, somehow we are more in tune with our spirituality, more at one with the forces of Nature. Well, we are! So well done, all those people who said that!

Meditation, meditation. Everybody go: om…om…football's coming om…

You see, it is very important for your soul to be clean, for your spirit to be pure, for your chakras to be whiter than white with a meadowy freshness. Use Omo; it's biological! [smells his sleeve] Heavenly! Also Ashram toothpaste: it's transcen-dental! [ting] And finally, Reincarnation pour l'Homme. [sprays a few puffs] "Mmm. I'll be back!" All these products are available on my website: www.gurumaharishi.yogi.om.

Hello. I'd like to talk to you about Krishna.

Oh yes?

Have you ever thought of becoming a Hindu?

Well, actually, it's something I've always wanted to do.

Well, you can't! Sorry. Have a nice day.

And thus it was Shiva, in the heart of the demon's lair, with his celestial weapons.

With due respect, you are wrong. It was Narasimha, incarnation of Vishnu, in the palace of the evil Rakshas, with his bare hands!

No. It was Professor Plum, in the library, with the candlestick! I win! Go on, my son!