The Skipper Grumby quotes from Gilligan&#039;s Island

It won't take long to clean it up with all three of us.

Skipper

"All three of us?"

"All three of us?"

Yeah, all three of us. Me, myself, and I.

S2 E6 Quick Before It Sinks

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[the cave the castaways sought shelter in just minutes before has been destroyed by a lightning strike]

It's completely destroyed!

Skipper

[to Gilligan] Little buddy, we came out here to save you, and you saved us!

S2 E10 Hi Fi Gilligan

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Dumb old mine! I'm going to give it a good, swift kick!

Skipper

Gilligan, don't!

[steps between Gilligan and the mine. Gilligan ends up kicking him]

Skipper

Oh, my shins!

S2 E14 Mine Hero

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Skipper

I've got a problem. I've got a real problem. You're a girl, right?

Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem.

S2 E15 Erika Tiffany-Smith to the Rescue

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[Gilligan & Skipper are collecting natural gas. Ginger arrives and finds Gilligan on the ground, out cold]

What happened to Gilligan?

Skipper

Oh, I told him there was gas in the bottle, but he didn't believe me, so he uncorked the bottle and took a big sniff...

[the Skipper duplicates these actions, then gets a really goofy expression on his face and starts dancing]

S2 E17 You've Been Disconnected

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Skipper

I guess it will be a long time before you'll eat another mushroom.

Mary Ann

You can say that again.

Skipper

I guess it will be a long time... [laughs]

Don't worry about mushrooms anymore, I got a book that tells all about them.

Skipper

You do?

Huh huh. Yeah, and it's called, "'How to Tell A Mushroom From a Toadstool'" by the late Dr. Morton Kepstone.

SGSkipper' Grumby, Mary Ann Summers

Late?

Late?

S2 E18 The Postman Cometh

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Skipper

[During Mary Ann's dream after she thinks she ate some poisonous mushrooms] We've got to prepare for an operation. Where can we find a kitchen table?

Now just a minute, doctor. We've got to scrub up. Now nurse, where do we go to scrub up?

Walk this way, gentlemen.

[Ginger walks sexily across the room to the sinks]

Skipper

We'll try and walk that way ma'am. but I don't think we'll make it.

S2 E18 The Postman Cometh

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We are dealing with a super mentality, an enemy with an intelligence far superior to ours.

Mr. Howell, I shall have to contest your theory.

You contest your commanding general? A man who studied under Robert E. Lee and George Custer?

Skipper

You would pick two losers.

S2 E22 Forward March

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Mary Ann

Where's Gilligan?

We forgot about Gilligan.

Skipper

Oh, the last time I saw Gilligan, he was collecting feathers for some ridiculous idea that he had.

Mary Ann

Skipper, look.

[they see Gilligan on the roof of a hut with wings he made from feathers]

Skipper

Gilligan, come down here right now.

Skipper, I've been watching the birds fly. It's real easy.

Skipper

Gilligan, come down here right now.

Okay, here I come.

[he flaps his wings and floats in the air]

Skipper

Gilligan, you can't fly. It's impossible.

I can't?

Skipper

No!

Oh. Mmm.

[stops flapping his wings and falls to the ground]

Skipper

Gilligan! Gilligan, little buddy! Are you all right?

Why did you have to say that? Impossible? Why did you have to say that?

S2 E26 Will the Real Mr. Howell Please Stand Up?

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HMrs. Howell

Oh, let him go, Thurston. What's the difference?

Skipper

That's right, Mr. Howell. What's the difference? He can't spend any more of your money even if he is rescued.

Well, he can't, can he? He's wearing my pants and my wallets in the back pocket!

S2 E26 Will the Real Mr. Howell Please Stand Up?

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[the Skipper and Gilligan are in Dr. Balinkov's dining room and a dog comes up and meows]

Skipper... I know we've been shipwrecked a long time, but doesn't a dog go woof woof?

Skipper

[Nervously] I-I think so...

[the Skipper pets the dog]

Skipper

Nice dog... uh cat.

S2 E29 The Friendly Physician

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Skipper

[the Skipper is greeting the wedding party, and Gilligan is best man] Ah... The best man.

At least I'm best man at something.

Skipper

Gilligan, you couldn't be best man in an all girls school.

S2 E31 Mr. and Mrs. ???

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We've been all over this island and were not even sure Lord Beasley has even seen a Pussycat Swallowtail.

Where else can he afford to look?

Good heavens!

Looking for a butterfly under the water?

That's what I call a determined man.

Skipper

That's what I call a determined nut!

Skipper

You and your big mouth! [after Gilligan remarks that the only place Beasley hasn't searched the mountain, and Beasley forces them to climb it]

S3 E7 Man With a Net

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Skipper, it's against the law to lock somebody up without telling them what they did.

Skipper

[smiles] Just a moment, Gilligan. [humming] Let's see here. Is that it? Yeah. It says here in the Criminal Law, Section 7, Paragraph 14, "Let it be known that any man who interferes with or causes in any way a rescue to be fouled up, goes to jail for as long as the Skipper says."