[to Benny] You never taught me anything. You just punished me. I wasn't "Hooked on Phonics." I was hooked to a radiator.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I just got my letter from Northern Vermont, but I'm afraid to open it. This is my last shot, Mom. Not just for an education, for freedom. I can't party and pierce things in this house. I need to go away.
Angie (to George about her being pregnant): Well, Brad, I might be giving you what Jennifer wouldn't.
A Cambodian kid?!
NO! I might be pregnant.
What? Oh, hell no. HELL NO! You better hope Brad and Angelina want another Mexican boy for their collection because I'm not raising another one!
George (to Ernie): Why didn't you tell me they were moving the factory?
I left you a message.
Dude, I don't listen to your messages anymore.
Why?
Dude, you call me every time you see a hot girl on the freeway. Then, you take up 5 minutes of my voice mail saying "George, George, George!"
George (after the cops said they just wanted to question Benny but arrested her on sight): Hey, you lied to me! That's why nobody likes cops. You never see a fireman saying "Jump" and then he takes away the trampoline thing!
Vic (to Angie): I thought you said your pregnancy was a false alarm?
It was. But I saw how excited George was that I didn't have the heart to tell him.
So, what are you gonna do nine months from now? Wrap a basketball in a blanket and say "Look, he's got your head?"
[After George is refusing to sleep with Angie]
I don't know what's wrong with you, but you've been avoiding me all day. Now get upstairs! We're doing this, Alice!
Angie, we'll deal with your screwed-up family later. Right now, we need to get to the jail for my mom's birthday party.
George, I need to talk to you.
No one talks in the George Lopez media room except Clint Eastwood and those guys begging not to be killed by Clint Eastwood.
Dad, there's some dude in the bathroom. You want me to get the bat?
[to Veronica when Mike calls her again] Every time you talk to him, you're just encouraging him. You gotta get inside the stalker's mind. I knew this guy who was so in love with this woman. He followed her to work, left notes on her car, camped out at her house. I finally had to say, "Look, if you don't knock this off, Ernie, you're gonna go to jail!"
That was a really uncomfortable summer for me.
Angie (to George): I hope what you just found out isn't going to affect your testimony.
Just a little at the end. (reading his speech for court) "I don't think my mom should go to jail for an old robbery when her real crime... is giving away her only son! I HATE HER, I HATE HER SO MUCH! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury."
Gina (to Ernie): You're not my type.
I'm a man and I have a pulse!
George (to Angie): Our vows were to love, honor and cherish each other. I don't have to tell you nothing.
[George sees Vic in a completely white and really weird looking suit]
[in Cuban accent] Welcome to fantasy island.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's George Lopez pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.