[to Veronica] Tomorrow, I want you to dress more appropriate. I don't want you distracting the guys working with dangerous machines. Alberto's down to seven fingers. He can barely tie his shoes.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[to Angie] How can you trust Ray after all he's done to your family?
Because I try to find the good in people.
That's a really annoying habit.
How come you never told me I had any special talents?
Oh, I'm sorry, George. You're right. You did have a special talent. No one can wet the bed like you.
I'm gonna use that to water your grave.
RRay
I have changed. Last year, I woke up in jail and I had one phone call. When my own sister wouldn't come to the phone, I realized that I had pushed everyone away. [Angie looks confused]
[to Angie] Oh, that's right. Your brother called last year. He needs your help right away. I told you to put a pad by the phone. I can't remember these things.
I'm sorry, George. I just sat down for a minute to rest my knees. I guess I must have nodded off. I don't know why they're bothering me so much.
You know you're supposed to listen to your body and right now, your knees are screaming, "You're crushing us! Eat a salad!"
I'm the manager. It's my job to defend the workers
You never defended me.
It's not true. I cleaned the stall in the men's room where all that nasty stuff was said about you.
What did it say?
I don't remember. I wrote it a long time ago.
MPMel Powers
[to George] I just got a letter from Ernie's lawyer accusing me of being prejudice towards fat people. Does anyone remember my second wife?
Oh, yeah. I remember Cheryl. She came to that Christmas party in a green dress and you fired the person who hung an ornament on her.
George [to Max] What's your password?
Uh, "Rippin' it to the max."
Please. The only thing you rip is... [makes a fart sound]
Hey, that's my apartment! What are the neighbors gonna think when some creepy weird dude shows up?
I don't know. What'd they think when you moved in?
Back in Cuba, there were no pedophiles trying to molest you. If an old man had his hand down your pants, it was because he was looking for food!
Why would you carry around food in your pants? Why not just use a brown paper bag?
And leave my father without a briefcase? I don't think so.
Mom's planning a big wedding, so Dad is doing the cooking and laundry. That's why I'm hungry and going commando.
A stressed out bride is nothing. At the factory, I work with ex-cons, substance abusers and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom, there's other people like that there too.
Ernie [when he sees George making wedding invitations] How long have you been at this?
Six hours. Would've been done faster, but every five minutes or so, I have to look down at my pants to remind myself I'm still a man.
[about George] Angie, he cheated me. I should have won. I had the highest numbers.
Is that true? Did she have the highest numbers?
Look, she's been cheating on her time card for years.
What does that have to do with this contest? I did the work.
Well, whoever did the most work should win. I mean, George, you have to be a man of your word.
Why? She's never been a man of her word.
Benny [as she seeks revenge for the Reno trip]: No. It's not over. You screwed me, now I'm going to get you. It's payback time.
What are you going to do, raise me again?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's George Lopez pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.