RReed
Well, all I know is that I've got a hospital to run. You'd better do something, and fast, [thumps desk] 'cause I don’t want to be sitting here this time tomorrow with mist up my crack. Do I make myself clear? Good, now get!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
We found out that the mist was poisonous when two techies died yes. Now I don’t like see anyone die, but if someone has to die, it might as well be a techie. Because another one comes along; it's the same belt, it's the same hammer in the tool belt; you can barely tell the difference.
Keep your headbands on; that way we won’t get lost. And use your fans sparingly, they eat through batteries and if you're not careful they can nick your fingers. Stay local.
Listen to me: I am not prejudiced, all right? That's what I’m saying: I am not prejudiced. But Joe Public is. You probably are, you look like a dropout [shrugs]. Point being, I wrote this to heal Britain.
The cabin crew suggested we all go out and club it. I had no option. It was that or one of their B&Bs. I figured it'd be safer on the streets. For the first time ever I saw the Scotch in their natural habitat, and it weren't pretty. I'd seen them huddling in stations before, being loud but… this time I was surrounded. Everywhere I went it felt like they were watching me; fish-white flesh puckered by the Highland breeze; tight eyes peering out for fresh meat; screechy, booze-soaked voices hollering out for a taxi to take 'em halfway up the road to the next all-night watering hole. A shatter of glass; a round of applause; a sixteen-year-old mother of three vomiting in an open sewer, bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. I ain’t never going back… not never.
My aunt lives in Scotland; she says it's quite nice.
Well, she's wrong.
As a writer, I make my own rules up, okay? If I wanna start a sentence with a full-stop I will. If I want to highlight social prejudice, I will, but I’ll do it my way. And sometimes you actually have to be a bigot, in order to bring down bigger bigots.
I know "mon" means man, but I don’t think "och" means anything.
Look, didnae get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the Scotch people. I love Lulu, and if Taggarts on, I’ll tape it. I was very tired that night, and I was pissed off I was in Glasgow. Colleagues of mine have since visited it during the day, and they say they've had a cracking time. I'm sorry. I was wrong; I see that now. My life is yours.
I wonder what brought them here, Liz. Was it Rick? Was it this hospital? Or was it both?
Or all three?
Dagless (voice over): One mist had gone, but another mist remained… a worst mist. A mist that fogged men's minds: the mist of mist-understanding. Luckily this mist was just a metaphor and wouldn't really affect things that much. On a nearby rooftop a bird took flight, but not even that could spoil this beautiful moment, as rosy-fingered dawn cupped Romford in its hands and thumbed open the new day's crack.
Garth Marenghi I love Scotland. You know, I’ll take the high road, I’ll take the low road… I think both are valid.
Can I speak frankly?
Of course.
If you act like a cheap arsehole, expect the shittiest portion.
Some thought it was quite racist; I didn't. But then again, I'd play anything: a Nazi, anything at all. I don't think I'd ever… kiss another man; not even… not even for the big boys.
They want what all Scotch people want: To kill the Queen, and destroy our way of life.
I’ve always loved the great tragedies; King Lear, the Poseidon Adventure, Superman 2, and when I wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, I set out to continue that grand tradition. This eve’s yarn is a simple tale o’ heartbreak. An eternal story of love and loss, set against the backdrop of an abortive alien invasion. Though you don’t actually find out it’s abortive till the end of the show. It’s my Romeo and Juliet, but less whiny.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Garth Marenghi's Darkplace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.