Frisky Dingo · Season 1
I don't care what "Boys from Brazil" thing you got going on in there, but I'm still the boss in here. And we're making Awesome-X dolls, and they're gonna kick so much ass, you'll probably go blind. And if you still have a problem with that, there's the big-ass door.
You're not going to sell doll one without a villain, you ninny--a Cobra to your G. I. Joe; a Stretch Monster to your Stretch Armstrong; a Decepticon to your Autobot!
Hey! Tone, of Voice
250 years, this company's been in your family, and from slaves and smallpox blankets, to softcore porn and semiconductors, it's always made a profit; but with one fell idiotic swoop, you've ruined it. I'm just glad your murdered parents...
My murdered parents wanted me to be happy!
[Quick shot of parents' pictures, with Awesome-X doll head]
And this can make me happy, Stan: [crying a little] fiscal sales of Awesome-X dolls.
No one is going to buy a superhero doll without a villain to fight.
Then I'm kind of...at a loss, unless--[holds up Killface's postcard] what about this guy for the villain?
What? When did this get here?
Uhh... apparently, it's been here the whole time.
[a scene from Taqu'il's latest movie Some Like It Crump begins with police sirens resounding as Taqu'il's character is lying in the backseat clutching his side, clearly bleeding from a gunshot wound]
Taqu'il [as Jimmy] Ahh.. Ah! Ah! I can't... believe that bitch shot me! You gotta take me to the hospital!
[the view changes to reveal the driver of the car, a black man, dressed as a clown in a clown suit and makeup, complete with rainbow wig and red nose]
[turning to speak to Jimmy as he is driving] You know I can't do that, Jimmy! You ain't gonna die. Say it!
I'm all shot up, man!
You ain't gonna diiiiieeeeee, say the freakin' woooooorrrrrds! [a smaller clown seated on the passenger side appears and honks a horn at him]
I ain't gonna die... I ain't gonna die... I ain't gonna die.
If he always throws his food on the floor, how is he so fat?
[gasps and runs off]
No, son... [to Sinn] Now look what you've done!
Sire, I'm sorry
Apologize to his self-esteem! Now we've talked about the chubby cycle. One snarky comment like that and he's back in the cupboard. And he was doing so well. Three pounds this week.
Yes sire.
Shut up. Just shut up and eat the cereal.
It's got glass in it.
[glares at her until she gets on the floor and begins eating the cereal]]
Cameraman, cameraman, can you push in on this? It says "Welcome to you-apostraphe-r-e doom"?
And he's got "doom" in quotes, which it shouldn't be.
Oh I just hate it when people do that. I just want to throw acid in their face.
Why does it say "Welcome to you're 'Doom!'"? What does that even mean, and why, for God's sakes, is "Doom!" in quotes?
I don't know.
Is this some sort of ironic doom? Is the wink implied?
No, I don't know.
No, it isn't. So please tell me how and why I'm suddenly a laughingstock!
Uh...'cause you signed off on the proofs?
[Killface just taps the postcard on his thigh]
[on climbing machine] ...then find me that printer so I can cut his arms off.
But you signed off on...
Mention those proofs again and just see what happens, Valerie.
Look, bad grammar aside, forty million people just saw your postcard.
[stopping exercise] Bugger me! They pull those numbers?
It's the highest-rated daytime show ever.
Ugh, I hate America.
[leading] And their booker owes me a favor.
No, she doesn't. Valerie, if you could get me on Live With Mitzi and Verl, I'd...I'd want two segments--not the one after Verl monologue, that's garbage time--but the next two, after the break. Valerie, you get me on there, you just name your reward.
I'd like for you to let me go.
[resuming exercise] Well, you know...except for that.
"Big guy" is right. Look at those pecs! [Applause] I wish I had a chest like that. Ba-dum-bum!
[watching on the ship with the other X-tacles] I wish I had someone like her growing up.
Dude, save it for group.
Big guy, how much ya bench?
I don't know, really...
I bet you do 240.
Actually, it's closer to 900.
900 pounds this guy...
No, no, sorry that's kilos.
Introducing the Scion tC! The bold, sleek styling is all like ka-kow, but the 2.4-liter dual overhead cam engine with 160-horsepower is all like KA-KOW!
[on the Scion tC] I could take that to the beach.
[raising hand] Shotgun!
You at the beach, with your skin?
[chanting] Scion tC!
[watching in store] Sci-ron t-She!
Everybody look under your seats!
Stop it! [silence] First of all, Oprah already gave her audience cars...
Not the new Scion tC, she didn't!
...and didn't waste one segment clucking like a goose about that damn ring--and I hope you know a good appraiser, because if that's not paste, I'll eat my hat. [Mitzi gasps] Now my last segment has fallen victim to "Scion fever."
Because we love the new Scion tC!
Shut up! There's a clear line between entertainment and advertising, and you've bloody well crossed it.
[The Scion tC is featured is the background while he talks.]
Those 18-24's that you're so keen on detest being pitched to, and when I destroy the world, they won't have much use for 17-inch alloy wheels, so...no, no, turn that off there. Stop it. I won't be your pitchman. You hear me. [Walking off; petulant] You're all doomed.
Doomed to enjoy the new Scion tC!
What a colossal waste of time, and I defy this day to get any worse.
[out of shot] Hey, there goes the new Scion tC!
Dude, that is tight!
I hate this country.
[driving by in Scion tC, splashing puddle all over Killface] Scion tC! Scion tC!
Son-of-a-whore! Yes, have fun driving your new Scion tC around on the sun!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frisky Dingo pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
